Are You the They?

The purpose of this blog is to stir up some wisdom at the Shabbat table. Please print and share.
Happy Birthday shout-out to Shelli in SF!

Here it comes again - 

Rosh Hashana....

Yom Kippur.....

Dip the apple. . .

(In how many days?)

Have you started working on your 25 Questions for the High Holidays?

Did you email your friendly rabbi to get an updated copy?

How did we ever live without email?

A hundred years ago, when telephones started to catch on, the great rabbi we call the Chofetz Chaim was very concerned about Jewish people owning one of these new devices.

The first question for your table this week is: What would you guess was his concern?

Answer: He was deeply worried it might increase lashon hara.

Question #2 - Was he right to be concerned?

Question #3 - Even if he was right, do the benefits of owning a phone outweigh the evil of lashon hara?

Well, that's all water under the bridge, right?

In terms of communications - voice, text etc., yep, it's completely water under the bridge.

But is everything about these smart phones a done deal?

Wwhat if we shift our focus from the communications part of the phone to

1. the always-on-internet-with-your-feed-controled-by-some-algorithm part, or
2. the every-tom-dick-and-harry-gets-a-soapbox part.

If you are a parent, or a grandparent, or if you have any young people in your life, or

If you are a human being who happens to be alive in 2018, then you are surely dealing with these two issues, know it or not.

1. Algorithms decide what's important for you to see.
2. All kinds of ignorant people manage to get their voices into your head.

Like it or not.

The only way to get through life with any sanity is to filter.

But software filters are imperfect. And they need to be updated.

But we Jews have another kind of filter - let's call it a soulware filter.

It's really simple.

Late in the afternoon on Friday, you shut off your phone.

Don't put it in airplane mode. Don't turn the ringer off.

Shut the whole thing off.

Hard to do, isn't it?

It's a litmust test for the robustness of your soulware.

The harder it is for you to turn off your phone and leave it off for a few hours or even 24 = the more your soulware needs an update.


Shabbat Shalom
 

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Rule #2: The Four Weapons

The purpose of this blog is to inspire you to click some links, and then do some numerology Shabbat table. Please print and use and share (+ like it, tweet it, forward).
Mazal tov to 3 bnei mitzvah in SF: Chaim Shragge, Luke BloomKing and Spencer Mosson! May you go from strength to strength.

By now everyone knows how many days until Passover, right?

But we're not panicking, right?
Here are four weapons to arm you for an amazing Passover:

A. If you are within shouting distance of San Francisco next Monday, please join me for a special evening - social and intellectual - including a class, "When Elijah Knocks". Reply for details.

B. Get a free copy of our "10 Tips and Tricks for Making an Amazing Seder"  - shoot me an email.

C. #2 is an excerpt from the Art of Amazement Haggada - order one now.

D. As I try to send every year, here is the updated list of great Seder gifts, props and paraphernalia (had to spell-check that):

1. Let's start with food:
Round (hand-made) maztah
Whole wheat square matzah
Yehuda Matzos
Matzo Meal (yes that's how they spell it)

2. Seder-related props, toys, games:
Start with a Pharaoh Hat and staff (or the tall one).
Make sure you stock props for the 10 Plagues
(This is new, haven't tested it yet - the Rite Lite Can of Plagues)
(Martha Stewart's interesting idea of a bag of plagues for each person.)
(Whaddya think -  edible plagues?)
The Passover Bingo cards will keep them engaged at the table.
Any energetic teens at the table? Try a set of Juggling Matzah Balls
AKLIB - All Kids Love Israeli Bazooka gum
Get the Passover Memory Game

3. Other great Seder prizes:

Puzzles - This year, I'm going to try these as thanks-for-participating Seder gifts for all ages - the Passover connection is that the Seder - like life - is a puzzle, and if it isn't challenging, it isn't satisfying. According to the effort is the reward does't mean we reward you for your effort, it means that the deep enjoyment of the activity is proportional to the effort. 

 
4. Books:

Artscroll Youth Haggada - great illustrations for all ages
The Un-Haggadah - keep the Seder conversation flowing
Escape From Seville - Riveting - great for teens and young adults
Seder in Herlin - early teens
Seder Night Miracle (out of print, hard to find but worth it if you can)
Touch of Passover - board book
What Do You See on Pesach? - board book
If You Give a Frog a Piece of Matzah - kids
The Mouse in the Matzah Factory - kids
Only Nine Chairs: A Tall Tale for Passover
Zaidy's Great Idea - audio CD
Toward a Meaningful Mood - Turning Your Dark Moments into Light

And here's the question for your table tonight: 

Ever notice how the number 4 keeps popping up in the Seder (and in this post)? Why is that?

 

Shabbat Shalom

and

Happy Pesach!

 

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To Lead or Not to Lead, That is the Question

The purpose of this blog is to put a little order back into Friday night dinner.... Please forward, like, tweet or at least print and share.

Out of the blue yesterday a call came in from a sixty-something man who told me he was planning to make a Seder for the first time in his life.

He had Googled "how to run a Seder" and stumbled upon my article, "The Art of Leading an Amazing Seder", and from there tracked me down.

The first question of the week for your table:

Does it really matter (doing your own Seder v. being a guest at someone else's)?

We sympathize with those who feel that making your own Seder just seems so overwhelming.

But if you have children (even grown) or grandchildren, then making your own Seder really is a big deal.

The basic premise of the Seder is the older generation telling the younger generation why it matters that we're Jewish.

And we ritualize it, we make it fun, we invent variations, but in the end the message is the same: it matters that we're Jewish.

It matters so much that we're going to the effort to make our own Seder.

I mean, even Groucho did it.

Think about it.

And then get busy. You might start here or here or even here.

Or here? or here....or here... or here for sure.

(And if you already have Seder plans, you could always try this.)

Shabbat Shalom!

PS - If you are wondering what's going on with the Art of Amazement Haggada - we've been putting a lot of time into a new 2017 edition. I hope to be able to announce it next week in this space.

PPS - SPEAKING OF JEWISH IDENTITY, Did you know you can gift the Amazing Jewish-Fact-a-Day Calendar app (or use this link).  No matter how Jewishly literate, guaranteed to larn you something new! So if you know someone who is Jewish, send them the app!


PPPS - Did you find the hidden link?


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Time to Get Serious

This blog is called "Table Talk" for a reason - the goal is to start cleaning our minds around the Friday night dinner table.... Please forward, like, tweet or at least print and share.
Wishing D-D in Portland a happy 80th birthday this week - may you live to 120!

YES THE RUMORS ARE TRUE - The Amazing Jewish-Fact-a-Day Calendar app has been updated (v. 2.11). Search by title, or by my name, or use this link. No matter how Jewishly literate, guaranteed to larn you something new! So please forward this paragraph or this email to everyone you care about.


Time to Get Serious
 
Last week's humor was too much for some readers. Stunned them into silence.

This week, the humor is gone but not the food.

For wouldn't you know, Amazon's matzah selection keeps getting better and better.

First question for your table: Would it be cool to have it drone-delivered to the Seder?

You know why we're talking about matzah this week, right?

Right?

If you're already ordering matzah, it may be time to start thinking about some essential Seder shopping (such as props or the Un-Haggadah).

Here's the question chain for your table: Is all this stuff really important for a great Seder? Or does a great Seder require something different?





Shabbat Shalom!






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Your Dough is Rising (But don't panic...yet.)

The goal of this blog is to promote alacrity at the Shabbat table ...  Please share ASAP.
Continuing to wish a speedy recovery to Tamar Adina bas Kayna Shulamis.

To start you off tonight, here's a question someone asked this week about Passover:

If we're supposed to be reliving the story, how come we open our door at the end? After all, in the story, they had to shut themselves inside in order to avoid the Angel of Death.

(Of course, we don't ordinarily put blood on our doorposts either, but maybe...?)

Are we so different from them?

(If you're really stumped, you might try re-reading the Haggada.)

Second question for your table:

Why is the rabbi talking about Passover in February?

Could it be because of the nifty new count-down timer on the homepage? (http://jsli.org)

(Try mousing over it for the animation.)

So now that we're in the Pesach mode, are you ready?

Of course not. There are a thousand and one things to do.

And you haven't done a single one.

Good place to start: new books, activities and gifts for the Seder.

To get you started, we've been updating bestjewishkidsbooks.com - our searchable database of recommended books, activities etc. for kids and adults. Try searching by age and subject matter. Or search for "afikomen".

(Yes, we even put in there five amazing Passover cookbooks.)

(The site is a public service, not a store. But if you use the links, amazon contributes about 5 percent towards the JSL mission.)

On this theme of preparation, a final question for your table:

What's more important - preparing for Passover or celebrating it?


Shabbat Shalom

PS - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eOJaprDCDA

 

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We of the Storm

The purpose of this email is to help you turn your Friday night table into a haven. Please print and share.


Hurricane Sandy passed directly over Baltimore's Jewish community where we live.

Part of me wants to write about that.

About the remarkable chesed in the community. The Chesed Fund who gave away flashlights and batteries. The Hatzala group of volunteer EMTs who carry walkie-talkies 24/7. Chaverim dispatch, who rush to anyone in need of roadside assistance, 24/6. Shomrim and NWCP — two all-volunteer citizen patrols who work in association with the police. The Jewish Caring Network providing meals to dozens of families. Bikur Cholim helping the hospitalized.

Part of me.

Part of me wants to write a sympathy blog about the sufferings, the phenomenal scale of New York's calamity. We in Baltimore know what it's like to lose power for a week - it's a true hardship - remember last summer's derecho? But that's nothing compared to losing everything in a flood.

 Part of me.

Part of me really wants to write about the awesomeness of the Frankenstorm, about the concept of making a bracha to capture that awesomeness and frame it in one's mind.

Part of me.

But then part of me wants to wonder why we allow our media to entertain us with storm stories while ignoring the 16,000 children who die every day from starvation and malnutrition (mostly in Africa). That's one kid every five seconds.

Question for your table: Do you have parts too? Which part is the real you? Which part do you want to be the real you? And what are you going to do about it?


Shabbat Shalom

Can You Ever Go Home Again?

A couple days ago, I was showing someone in San Francisco JSL's newest (top secret) project. He liked the project, but out of the blue asked me the following question:

Why do you do what you do?

My answer is simple: I get to speak with (or communicate in writing with) highly intelligent people about interesting, meaningful things - greatest job in the world.

So here's one such topic for your Shabbat table that we discussed in San Francisco. It begins with a question:

Have you ever gone back to a town, maybe your hometown, after having been gone for a long time? What was it like?
Probably you were amazed by all the changes.

Similar question (for adults): Did you ever see someone as an adult that you'd last seen as a child? What was it like?

Why is it so amazing to see these changes after big gaps of time, but for the town we live in, or the children we see every day, the changes are not so amazing?

I'm sure you'll get various answers to this question and there is no need for me to add my 2-bits. But if you care to hear it, here's my take:

When we see a person or a place every day, the changes are so small and incremental that we hardly notice them, and then we grow accustomed to them and gradually forget how they used to be, how the town used to look.

One building built here, one facade changed there. Slowly, slowly.

But then there's the second question for your table:

Have you ever seen someone after 10 or 20 years or more, and they didn't seem to have changed at all? Same personality, same bad jokes, you know what I mean?

The purpose of this life is to grow and to change (for the better). The third and forth questions for your table are:

- Do you want to be the same person 20 years from now that you are today, or do you want to be greater? More caring, more patient, more disciplined, more honest....?
- If so, how are you going to get there?

Next week, the final email before Rosh Hashana, I'll send some thoughts about how to use the High Holidays to make an incremental but real change in your life (in yourself) so that 20 years from now people who haven't seen you every day will do a double take.

Shabbat Shalom

PS - http://bestjewishkidsbooks.com has great Rosh Hashana books and gifts.
The iPhone app: http://tinyurl.com/amazingcalendarlink
Android version: http://tinyurl.com/amazingandroidcalendar

Is it About You and Your Garbage or You and Your Dad?

You are 16 years old and your father has told you to take out the garbage.

This is the job you hate most in the world.

So you acknowledge that you heard what he said, and then you walk out of the house to go to school without doing it. When you arrive home, your father calls you into the room and asks you why you didn’t take out the garbage. You reply that you forgot and you will do it. But then you start thinking about the smelly garbage room and the bugs. You go to sleep without taking it out.

The next morning your father asks again why you didn’t take out the garbage. You apologize profusely and then go to school without taking it out.

When you arrive home, your father calls you again and asks you why you didn’t take out the garbage. This time you know that you are in trouble.

”Son/Daughter, I want you to know that you have done something really wrong. The issue is not that you haven’t taken the garbage out for these three times. The issue is that you have hurt our relationship. Three times you told me that you would do it and each time you promised me. Now I know one thing; I cannot trust your word anymore. This shows that, on a certain level, you don’t respect me or value our relationship. I want you to think over what you have done and decide what you need to do to rectify the wrong you have done."

Your father’s words really make an impression. Now you really feel bad. It finally hit you what you have done. You want to return to your father and tell him you are sorry. It is not so simple in this case to just say you are sorry. There is something more serious involved here. You have damaged your credibility with your father. Just saying you are sorry is not enough to repair the damage.

So you decide to make a plan. After thinking about what you did, you decided to take the following steps:

Step One - You sincerely feel regret for what you have done. You will not try to push away these feelings of regret over what you have done but rather you will let yourself use them in order to spur you to take the steps necessary to change.

Step Two - You will listen to your father. Until you get forgiveness from him you will make sure to listen to everything else that he asks of you.

Step Three - You will go to him and ask forgiveness for what you have done. You will tell him that you are sorry.

Step Four - You will tell him that you have made a decision to listen to his instructions and will not procrastinate any longer.

The next day you go to your father and explain how sorry you are, and that in the future you promise to listen to him immediately when asked to do something. You pour out your heart to him and beseech him to forgive you. Upon seeing your great sincerity and change in attitude, your father wholeheartedly forgives you and warmly welcomes you back into his good graces.

What has occurred here? You have restored your relationship with your father. You have taken a situation of a wounded relationship with him and turned it around. Because you took the time to think it out and sincerely change, you were accepted back by him with joy.

For an explanation of this parable, click here.

If you find this approach to Rosh Hashana useful, you might enjoy the following as well, all thanks to R. Aryeh Nivin.

2. Waking Up to the Sound of the Shofar: Self-evaluation quiz

3. How to use the weeks leading up to Rosh Hashana

4. Defining the spirituality of Rosh Hashana

Shabbat Shalom



“It is always wise to look ahead, but difficult to look further than you can see.” - Churchill