Are You the Fifth Child?

Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

April 26-27, 2024 • 19 Nissan 5784 • Pesach (Lev 13-15).

The goal of this blog is to bring the fifth child to the Shabbat table.

One of the most familiar motifs of the Pesach Seder is the number four:

Four Cups of Wine

Four Questions
Four Children

There are numerous interpretations of this number, with layers of Biblical and mystical meaning.

But there's one small problem with all these interpretations: according to Rambam (Maimonides), there were originally five questions. And according to Rabbi Tarfon there are supposed to be five cups of wine. Indeed, we follow the Rambam and pour a fifth cup "for Elijah" although we don't drink it.

So that's two of the fours. But what about our third set of four:

Is it possible that there is also a fifth child?

The easy answer is: Sure, that's the one who didn't show up to Seder.
 

But there is another approach to the Four Children that has been mentioned by commentators:

The gematria (numerical value) of rasha (רשע – wicked one) is 570 and of sheinav (שניו – his teeth) is 366. When we "knock out his teeth" — i.e., we subtract 366 from 570 — we are left with 204, which is the gematria of tzaddik (צדיק – righteous one). 

In other words, the goal of responding to the Second Child is not to win the argument — it’s to help him become the righteous child that he has the potential to be.

Now I would like to add one small idea. Each of us has a bit of each child in us. Sometimes we're the wise child who wants to know the details of how to live a meaningful life. Sometimes we're the simple child who simply asks, "Why?" Sometimes we're the too-young child who simply needs to be told. And yes, sometimes we're the wicked child who puts himself outside of the community.

The wicked child is the one who says, "I'm Jewish enough, I don't want to do any more than I'm doing right now, that's for others to do."

Whenever we're in such a mindset, we need our "teeth knocked out" - we need to be told, "No, you are as much a part of the Jewish People as any other Jew - time to step up to the plate. Time to pull your weight. Time to learn a little Torah. Time to start giving tzedakah. The Torah belongs to you as much as as it belongs to anyone else; and your Torah and mitzvos matter as much as anyone else's."

Two weeks ago, we all witnessed an open miracle when Iran launched its long-avowed attempt to attack Israel. This week our enemies brought major universities to their knees in order to broadcast their hatred. What's next? What will it take to wake up this sleeping giant of a Jewish People? Isn't the writing on the wall?

Fun fact: "The writing is on the wall" is a Biblical expression. (I mean our Bible, not theirs.) How many Jews that you know know this? How many can name the book of Tanach where it's found?

When you decide to become the Fifth Child, you're drinking from the Fifth Cup.

Something to think about as you chew matzah and eschew chametz.


Happy Pesach and

Shabbat Shalom

This post originally appeared on the Times of Israel.

Enjoyed this Table Talk? Vote with your fingers! Like it, tweet it,  email it....

The mission of Jewish Spiritual Literacy, Inc. (JSLI) is to foster a paradigm shift in spiritual education to enable every human being to access and enjoy the incredible database of 3,000 years of Jewish wisdom.

Will This Night Be Different?

Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

April 19-20, 2024 • 12 Nissan 5784 • Metzora (Lev 13-15) and Shabbat HaGadol.

The goal of this email is to prep for Pesach at the Shabbat table.
Dedicated to Hinda Chana bas Sarah - may she continue to recover.

Will This Night Be Different?

Two big announcements this week.

First: we've given the JSLI home page a major makeover and it launched yesterday - please send me your feedback: https://jsli.org 

The second announcement needs a bit of preliminary....

Last week I tried to wow you with something new and startling.

This week, the goal is to wow you with something old and startling.

To get to that, try asking this question at the table: Is the joy of Pesach in that it's basically the same Seder every year, or is the joy that there is something new every year?

How about a little of each?

For the first time in three years (this is Announcement #2), we have updated the JSLI Passover Kit. This year's kit includes PDFs of:

+ The Art of Amazement Haggadah - Leader's Edition
+ The Art of Amazement Haggadah - Freedom Edition
+ Seder Bingo ("MATZAH")
+ Seder Charades
+ 40 questions
+ 50 trivia questions (NEW)
+ Various games and activities for younger children
+ 9 videos for all ages
+ and so much more

Here's the download link for the docs part of the kit.

You'll need to enter a password: 613.

Here's the download link for the videos. Same password.

(In the past we made you pay for the kit - this year there is no charge but if you use it, kindly make a donation.)

Now that we got those announcements out of the way, how about another question for your table: What's your favorite part of the Seder?

Hard to choose, right?

One of my personal highlights is everyone singing together the song about the massive attack of 300 missiles and drones and not one hitting its target. 

You know which part of the Haggadah I'm referring to?

I refer of course to "V'hee Sheh Amdah".

V’hee sheh-am-da la’a-vo-taynu v’lanu

sheh lo echad bilvad amad aleinu l’chalotaynu

elah sheh’b’chol dor va-dor omdim aleinu l’chalotaynu
v’ha-Kadosh Baruch Hu matzi-leinu miyadam

 

And it is this that has stood by our ancestors and for us.

For not only one has risen up against us to destroy us,

but in every generation they rise up to destroy us.

But the Holy One, Blessed be He, delivers us from their hands.

The point I'm trying to make is that it ain't nothing new.

(If you don't know the tune, there is still time to learn it - here's a recording.)

What about those who are still in captivity? What about those who will have an empty chair at their Seder? Yes, we will also think about them while we sing. That's what it means to be a Jew.


Wishing you a

Shabbat Shalom

and an HHH Pesach!!


PS... It's rare to meet a Jewish person who doesn't attend a seder. But they're out there - all kinds of Jews who would love to attend a Seder but don't have the wherewithal to make there own. If you have the wherewithal, how about finding one or two and inviting them? And if you're one of those Jews, how about letting it be known that you're available to be invited?

Enjoyed this Table Talk? Vote with your fingers! Like it, tweet it,  email it....

The mission of Jewish Spiritual Literacy, Inc. (JSLI) is to foster a paradigm shift in spiritual education to enable every human being to access and enjoy the incredible database of 3,000 years of Jewish wisdom.

My Parents Went to the Eclipse and All I Got Was Lousy Paper Sunglasses....

Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

April 12-13, 2024 • 5 Nissan 5784 • Tazria (Lev 12-13). 

The goal of this blog is to change perspectives at the Shabbat table.
Dedicated to Hinda Chana bas Sarah - may she have a complete and speedy recovery.

In a dramatic contrast to last week's announcement of bringing light to the world, this week has been all about darkness.

I refer of course to the Eclipse.

(Notice how I capitalized it there?)

I have literally been thinking about the Eclipse all week.

On Sunday we drove five hours to Ohio to experience the four minutes of shadow.

On Monday we spent half the day preparing for the four minutes of shadow (including making a short video about it), then drove five hours home, still thinking about the shadow.

On Tuesday I started to prepare a Zoom Talmud class about eclipses.

On Wednesday, I taught a Zoom Talmud class about eclipses.

On Thursday I kept telling about it and today I'm writing about it.

The whole week. So I hope you will forgive me if I don't say anything further about the eclipse at this time.

Except maybe one small thing.

When my children (yes, left behind) slapped on those disposable shades to view the 87 percent eclipse, they thought it was pretty cool. It was indeed pretty cool. No, it was more than that - it was way cool.

And I can tell you from first-hand experience that 97 percent is even cooler.

But even 99 percent doesn't compare to 100 percent.

It wasn't merely 1 percent darker. It instantly went from being quite bright to being quite dark, as if someone had simply thrown a switch and shut off the lights.

It's like the difference betwen being in a dark room and a dark room with the shades slightly open on a very sunny day.

In other words, the sun is so strong that even a tiny sliver of sunshine can brighten the whole world.

We all know that the sun is mighty and mighty big, but how mighty and how big? 

It has been said that you were somehow to transport a cubic centimeter of sun to the surface of the Earth, everything with 2 miles would be burnt to a crisp (this video says it better). And the sun is 1,000,000 times the size of the Earth.

But I think we're pretty comfortable with that. Or at least, we're used to it, like we're used to death and taxes, they're simply unstoppable forces that we live with.

So imagine how you'd feel if there were an announcement that taxes were going to be cancelled this year, because the government has enough money. But only for people within a certain area at a specific time on April 15.

Would you drive five hours to be there at that time?

Or how would you feel if someone found a way to literally kill death for anyone who happens to be in central Ohio on a specific day at a specific time?

Would you take the trouble to be there?

Or would you be like those two guys I saw at the Starbucks from where we viewed the eclipse who didn't budge from their indoor business meeting the entire time?

It's easy to write fiction stories about these things, but what if it really happened?

That's what the eclipse is - until you experience it 100 percent, it's like a fiction fantasy.

But then it does happen - the sun's power is gone - in the middle of the sky.

It doesn't need to last more than four minutes - that's plenty of time to get the message. 

Question for your table: What is the message?


Shabbat Shalom

Enjoyed this Table Talk? Vote with your fingers! Like it, tweet it,  email it....

The mission of Jewish Spiritual Literacy, Inc. (JSLI) is to foster a paradigm shift in spiritual education to enable every human being to access and enjoy the incredible database of 3,000 years of Jewish wisdom.

Restoring the Kuzari

Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

April 5-6, 2024 • 27 Adar 2 5784 • Shemini (Lev 9-11). 

The goal of this blog is to bring some tradition to the Friday night dinner table.

Continuing last week's theme of thinking and thanking...

A few months ago, I saw a comment online about a new book that "destroys" the Kuzari Argument.

The thesis intrigued me because the Kuzari is arguably the backbone of Judaism.

So I of course bought and read this book and — lo and behold — discovered seven major errors, both factual and logical.

So I decided that his rebuttal needed a rebuttal and wrote my own new book (or booklet) on the Kuzari.

While the impetus was a rebuttal to the rebuttal, the final product is actually a great vehicle for simply teaching the Kuzari Principle. Even if you never read the book I'm rebutting, you (or someone you know) may find it quite interesting.

Features:

1. It's short - very quick read.
2. It explains in very clear terms what the Kuzari is and why it matters.
3. It delineates the two different Kuzaris (very few people know that there are actually two).
4. It's available in paperback, hard cover, Kindle, and Apple Books.

(The paperback version is pocket-size.)

By a happy accident, it is out just in time for Pesach. If you are planning to participate in a Seder this year (in just over 2 weeks!) this may be a meaningful gift for everyone at the table.

What is the Kuzari?

In a nutshell, it's an answer to the following question (which you might try at your Shabbat table):

Did the Pesach/Passover story really happen?

To which we might add: 

Does it matter either way?


Shabbat Shalom

Enjoyed this Table Talk? Vote with your fingers! Like it, tweet it,  email it....

The mission of Jewish Spiritual Literacy, Inc. (JSLI) is to foster a paradigm shift in spiritual education to enable every human being to access and enjoy the incredible database of 3,000 years of Jewish wisdom.

 

Thanking Fast and Slow?

Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

March 29-30, 2024 • 20 Adar 2 5784 • Tzav (Lev 6-8). 

blog goal of this email is to stimulate some gray matter at the Shabbat table.

If you're a long-time reader (and have a good memory), you may recall that last time I wrote about Daniel Kahneman z"l (who died this week) was five years ago. Never met him, but wish I had.

(Click that link for an interesting and uplifting obituary about his long life.)

Five years ago, the context was attending a public Bingo for the first time in my life.

I get Bingo - there is some (I stress some) skill involved - one has to concentrate and move quickly. 

But the lottery tickets they sell there in-between rounds are different. First of all, there were many sets of tickets with different names like "Pot of Gold" or "Money from Heaven," but they all had the same prizes ($1, $2, $5, $20, $200) and same odds. So why did some people buy some tickets and turn up their noses to others? 

I heard a lady asked, "Are they paying one or two jackpots?" - meaning, will the $200 go to one winner or be split among two winners?

The answer was the latter. So I asked her, "Was that the answer you wanted?"

"No."

She was only interested in playing for the $200 jackpot, not the $100 - even though it had better odds (let's say 1 in 50 as opposed to 1 in 100).

So this is a perfect Daniel Kahneman question for your table: For a $1 bet, would you rather play for a 50% chance of winning $100 or a 5% chance of winning $1,000?

What if the bet cost $5?

What if it cost $50?

It's obvious that most gamblers think with their gut, not their brain.

And that gut is so stimulated by the temptation of the Jackpot that they are willing to go out night after night and spend their few extra dollars for that tiny chance.

What's less obvious (but has been proven) is that we all do this kind of thinking every day.

In his book (linked above), Dr. Kahaneman shows many examples of how people make choices based on their irrational gut and not on their head.

• Would you rather have 5 minutes of excruciating pain or 5 years of low-level pain?

• When you remember that vacation 10 years ago, when that disaster happened, how much does that disaster loom in your mind versus the pleasant parts of the vacation?

• When you planned your wedding, how much time and money went into each detail? And which of those details do you actually remember today?

• The final word on this - and question for your table - is what matters more, the experience I'm having right now, or the memory it will create?

Most of us live for the future - we are planning and we are motivated because we picture ourselves headed toward some future outcome. Having such a vision can be motivational and satisfying. But an even higher level is living in the present, totally present in this moment.

How do you get there?

Start by finding excuses right and left to simply say, "Thank you." 

Thank about it. 


Shabbat Shalom

PS - Feeling lucky? Want to click that image?

Enjoyed this Table Talk? Vote with your fingers! Like it, tweet it,  email it....

The mission of Jewish Spiritual Literacy, Inc. (JSLI) is to foster a paradigm shift in spiritual education to enable every human being to access and enjoy the incredible database of 3,000 years of Jewish wisdom.

Blessing in Disguise?

Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

March 22-23, 2024 • 13 Adar 2 5784 • Vayikra (Lev 1-5). 

The goal of this blog is to blur some boundaries at the Shabbat table.

First, I'm happy to report that last week's seeds  are doing well — 15 sprouted and sitting cosy by a sunny window.

Second, did you remember that tomorrow night and Sunday is.... ɯᴉɹnԀ? 

Question for your table: Why did I write that upside-down?

If that stumps everyone, try this one that I asked a number of people this week:

Do you relate to Purim more as a kids' holiday or an adult holiday?

It's the easiest holiday for kids – wear a costume and run around exchanging treats with your friends.

Similar to what I said last week about the joys of planting seeds, we adults often lose this Purim joy and don't know how to get it back.

No worries, it's easier than you'd think. Four suggestions:

1. Try reading the whole Megilla in English from start to finish without a break. Do this Saturday night or Sunday morning. This may be the first time in your life that you actually read the entire story as an adult, or the first time in many years.

2. Put together a nice modest package of ready-to-eat food to give on Sunday to a fellow Jewish person.

3. Give enough money to a poor person to buy 2 meals, or to a fund that gives out such gifts on Purim day.

4. On Sunday afternoon, have yourself a little festive meal with a couple glasses of wine, and think about the following radical thought:

Since Haman, no one has done so much for Jewish unity as Hamas. 
 
If you don't grok it, maybe have one more drink...


Shabbat Shalom and

Happy ɯᴉɹnԀ


Alexander Seinfeld

PS - Yes, the image is clickable, as usual....

Enjoyed this Table Talk? Vote with your fingers! Like it, tweet it,  email it....

The mission of Jewish Spiritual Literacy, Inc. (JSLI) is to foster a paradigm shift in spiritual education to enable every human being to access and enjoy the incredible database of 3,000 years of Jewish wisdom. 

The Dirt on Seeds

Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

March 15-16, 2024 • 6 Adar 2 5784 • Pekudei (Ex 38-40). 

The goal of this blog is to sprout delicious conversation at the Friday night dinner table.

Last week, I stirred up controversy.

This week, something I hope completely uncontroversial.

We went from snow flurries on Sunday to 70°+ the rest of the week.

Is anyone not OK with that?

Seems like time to get those tomatoes going.

Did you ever do the germinate-a-seed thing when they were a child?

Did you ever try it as an adult?

If you stop to think about it, it's the most incredible thing, that this tiny little piece of almost nothingness can sit dry in a packet for years and do nothing. But put it in some soil with a few drops of water and a lot of warmth and it's like booting a computer with a built-in ROM.

First, the seed begins to disintegrate, and if you were watching it you'd think it's becoming compost. But then its code causes it to shoot out a root in one direction and a green stem in the other, then leaves, then more leaves, and eventually an entire plant or even an entire tree with fruit etc.

Reading about is like reading about a Mozart minuet:

It starts on a major 3rd to G  so you instantly know what key you are in.  Then there are the two a and b 5 note patterns that are just stepwise sequences in the scale.

Then there are some 3 note falling patterns (noted 1 and 2) that make it feel like it is 2/4 time. The fall is mirrored in the bass (3). Also there is a C# added. This should instantly tell you that it is changing key for three reasons. a) C# is not in the key of G. b) It is not being used just as a passing note. c) It occurs twice more in the next bar in more than one voice.

When a note like this occurs, it is usually a 'leading note' to the key it is modulating to. In this case D. this is confirmed by a V-I cadence in bar 6 of A D repeated again across bar 7 and 8 (noted at points 5 and 6 in my notes)

Then onto the second section.  It starts of strange with a G# and E in the bass followed by an F natural. So it's definitely not G or D anymore. The G# makes me think A (because it is the leading note of A) but the following scale pattern has all natural notes which might make it A minor. Not sure, might need some help on that.

From there, it goes back into standard G with the return of F# and D natural. Actually the next falling scale pattern across bar 11 and 12 finished on a G major.

The C in the bass at bar 13 is a IV into another double cadence (noted 7 and 8) which this time is a V-I. It repeats the pattern of the previous double cadence at the end of the first section. The first cadence is contained within a bar and the second happens across two. The appearance of the leading note of G (f#) in the cadence solidifies the end and resolves itself nicely. (source)

Now try experiencing it.

For years I was a failed seed sprouter, but finally an elderly neighbor learned me how to do it. "Ignore the planting-depth info on the packet," she said. "Most seeds don't sprout because they're too deep. Just a tiny bit of soil on the top is all you need."

That's life-changing knowledge.

The Talmud uses this process as a metaphor:

Tzedakah (giving charity) is planting, Torah is watering, Chesed is harvesting.

Question for your table: In that metaphor, are we the farmer or the soil?

It seems to me we're obviously the soil.

Which means that - per my elderly neighbor:

Like the seed, the Tzedakah need not be so deep - in fact, it should be near the surface - meaning, don't get caught (like I was yesterday) without cash in your pocket to give someone who asks.

Like watering a plant - the Torah does need to go deep - it needs to get to the roots, and as the plant grows taller the water needs to go deeper.

And the measure of a successful harvest is the amount and quality of Chesed that flows from a person. 

Question for your table - does this imply that Torah is necessary in order to do Chesed?

What do you think?


Shabbat Shalom,

Alexander Seinfeld

Enjoyed this Table Talk? Vote with your fingers! Like it, tweet it,  email it....

The mission of Jewish Spiritual Literacy, Inc. (JSLI) is to foster a paradigm shift in spiritual education to enable every human being to access and enjoy the incredible database of 3,000 years of Jewish wisdom.

When Well Done is Rare?

Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

March 8-9, 2024 • 29 Adar 1 5784 • Vayakel (Ex 34-36). 

The goal of this blog is an A for effort at the Shabbat table ... please print & share.

Here's the situation:

Your child studies for a test.

She pull out all stops and studies for the test.

(This isn't cramming - this is at the end of a week of diligent attendance and note-taking.)

She takes the test.

Afterwards she says, "I feel pretty good about it. I think I knew most of the answers."

The next day the teacher returns the test. To her great disappointment, your child received a much lower score than she'd expected.

She says to you, "Why should I even try?"

It says in Pirkei Avot, "According to the effort is the reward."

But that's not usually true, is it?

What do you think?


Shabbat Shalom,

Alexander Seinfeld

Enjoyed this Table Talk? Vote with your fingers! Like it, tweet it,  email it....

The mission of Jewish Spiritual Literacy, Inc. (JSLI) is to foster a paradigm shift in spiritual education to enable every human being to access and enjoy the incredible database of 3,000 years of Jewish wisdom.

Lose the Battle, Win the War?

Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

March 1-2, 2024 • 22 Adar 1 5784 • Ki Sisa (30-34). 

The goal of this email is a gold-medal dinner conversation ... please print & share.

Imagine you're having a fight.

With your spouse, your parent, your child, your sibling, your neighbor....

You know that you're right and they're wrong.

This is not just a matter of opinion – you know that you're right.

Let's say it's about a controversial topic. I'm willing to bet that you have clear and strong opinion about at least one of the following:

- Should abortion be illegal?
- Is Mr. Trump fit to serve in the White House?
- Is Israel committing genocide in Gaza?
- Should Barbie win Best Picture at the Oscars?
- Is it wrong to drive at the speed limit in the left lane?
- Are latkes better with sour cream or apple sauce?
- Are hamentaschen better with poppy seed or chocolate filling?

Pick the topic that you are most clear and convinced about.

So imagine that the person on the other side of the argument is your spouse, your parent, your child, your sibling, your neighbor.... 

Remember, we're talking about a topic where you know that you're right. You have unassailable arguments, evidence, proofs — give you enough time, and you'll surely win your case. You will surely be able to show them that they're wrong. You are going to win.

The question is, will winning bring you closer in the end, or will you wind up even more distant?

In one of his "Comedians Getting Coffee" routines, Jerry is shmuzing with David Letterman, who is describing his challenges in raising a child and asks Jerry what he would do in a hypothetical situation.

Jerry's response is classic:

— "I support whatever position my wife takes."
— "Because she knows more about parenting than you?"
— "It doesn't matter what you do. But why have a fight with your wife?"

Question for your table: Is he right?


Shabbat Shalom,

Alexander Seinfeld

Enjoyed this Table Talk? Vote with your fingers! Like it, tweet it,  email it....

 

Why Did the Teen Quit Skiing?

Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

February 23-24, 2024 • 15 Adar 1 5784 • Tetzaveh (Ex 27-30). 

The purpose of this blog is to slalom smoothly through the dinner conversation ... please print & share.
In memory of Menachem Mendel ben Yisroel, who passed away this week. 

Why Did the Teen Quit Skiing?

Because she was snow-bored!    

That one earned me my "dad" card for the week. Maybe even a lifetime achievement award.

My daughter was especially appreciative when I used it while sharing the chair lift with other father-daughter pairs.

But to make it interesting, I tried to come up with a new ski joke for each trip up the mountain.

Question for your table - How many skiing jokes can you come up with?

I think I petered out after about seven.

How would you guess the trip went overall?

[pause to let them ponder that for a moment...]

It was uplifting at first, but went downhill after that!

Speaking of snow boarding, do you remember back in the Eighties when you first saw people experimenting with this new sport?

To me, the appeal wasn't obvious, other than the sheer novelty. It appeared to attract the same kinds of guys (specifically guys) who were attracted to skateboarding.

(Not knocking skateboarding nor snowboarding, just not my cup of tea!)

Fast forward to this week... at the ski resort, there appeared to be as many snowboarders as skiers. Of all ages. If not more.

The strange thing is that most of the snowboarders I saw were spending a lot of time sitting on the snow - all the way down the slope. 

It's apparently a lot harder to learn than skiing.

So what's the great appeal?

My daughter had a grand time on her skis, really enjoying herself while dodging all of those snowboarders falling all over the place.

At the end of the day, what surprising comment did my daughter make?

"I think I'd like to learn how to snowboard."

Question for your table: Where did that come from?



Shabbat Shalom,

Alexander Seinfeld

PS - Today is Purim Katan and tonight is Shushan Purim Katan - and you know what that means about the countdown to Purim and Pesach...

Enjoyed this Table Talk? Vote with your fingers! Like it, tweet it,  email it....

As always, this message can be read online at http://rabbiseinfeld.blogspot.com.

The mission of Jewish Spiritual Literacy, Inc. (JSLI) is to foster a paradigm shift in spiritual education to enable every human being to access and enjoy the incredible database of 3,000 years of Jewish wisdom.