Are You In the Gutteral?

The goal of this blog is to add eightness to the Shabbat table talk ...  Please share.
Continuing to wish a speedy recovery to Tamar Adina bas Kayna Shulamis and to Ruth bat Sarah.
In honor of Tehila's seventh birthday.

Philosophically-speaking, why should it be eight days?

Isn't the standard number in the Torah seven?

(Try asking this at your table - ask them how many sevens they can think of in the Torah. For that matter, how many sevens can they think of in nature? Notes on a major scale, etc. I've come up with nineteen so far - email me if you want my full list.)

To answer the philosophical question, here's a little philosophy for you, followed by a brief word from Jerusalem.

Last week, I asked if it matters (and why) how you say "Channuka".

One reader, William in Brookline, sent a beautiful answer.

He notices that the difference between the two pronunciations is a single Hebrew letter - "chet" v. "hey". Numerically, the difference only 3, which could be represented by the word "av" which means father....

"Using Google Translate, הנוכה ["Hanukah"] means, "seasonally"; חנוכה [Chanukah] means,
"dedication".  We have more than a seasonal holiday here: we dedicate ourselves to אבינו שבשמים [God], so if we add the אב to the seasonal festival, we have our Dedication."

If William will permit me to riff off of him a bit.... It is interesting that Channuka is related to the word for "education" — "chinuch". Eduation isn't just dedicating a child, it's preparing the child for life.

The idea of Chanuka is to re-dedicate yourself — that is, to prepare yourself.

Maybe you thought you were prepared?

But you're not. None of us were.

We were maybe prepared on the level of seven, but not on the level of eight.

The other day I was speaking with my 12-year-old nephew in Jerusalem.

He asked me, "If there was enough oil for one day, then the miracle was only seven days. The last day it burned up, so it wasn't a miracle!"

His answer: For most of the world, it's only a miracle when oil doesn't burn. But for a Jew, it's even a miracle when it does burn. Everything in nature is miraculous.

As long as you are waiting for that miraculous success, that miraculous recovery, that divine intervention in marriage or childbirth or winning the lottery, then you are still living in the world of seven.

When you start to realize the miracle of the quotidian, you are living in the eight.

That's why it matters how you say it. Because this world matters. The here-and-now matters. Beauty matters. If you pronounce something wrong, you are marring the cosmic harmony.

So the real magic of Channuka - the real preparation - happens tomorrow night, when you light those eight candles.

Take a good gander and think about re-dedicating yourself to living in this beautiful moment.


Channukah sameach and

Shabbat Shalom


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PS - Thanks to those who responded to last week's "word from our sponsor"....

Do you have a favorite Table Talk? Maybe it was last summer's story about the greatest Olympic champion or Satisfact or Fiction. Maybe the Sandy Hook one did it for you. Perhaps it was We of the Storm. One of the most popular of all time was Late for the Train (2006). Some still remember the musical Chinese Food on Xmas.

Please consider an end-of-the-year tax-deductible contribution to support this weekly Table Talk. If you had paid a buck for your favorite one, would you have said, "Money well spent"? What of the fact that it comes to your inbox for free every Friday? Does that make worthless? (or priceless?)

This blog actually costs several nickels to produce, and we rely on readers like you to keep it going. There are the costs of the 10-year-old computers and the rest of the office overhead. There is staff time.

Yet this blog is provided as a free service by JSL in order to achieve our mission of fostering a paradigm-shift in Jewish education. You have the opportunity today to enjoy being being an active partner in this mission. At any level of contribution, you will be a partner. http://jsli.org/donate/

Beauty and the Feast (Is it only skin deep?)

The goal of this blog is to beautify the Shabbat table talk ...  Please share.
Continuing to wish a speedy recovery to Tamar Adina bas Kayna Shulamis and to Ruth bat Sarah.
In honor of the yahrzeits of Bert Walker and Yeudel ben Avraham.
The other day we were discussing Channuka preparations and I used the American pronunciation "Hannuka".

This was absolutely abrasive to the ears of our 6-year-old.

"Channuka," she instinctively said.

The obvious question for your table is: Does it really matter?

Or could I put it this way:

How is correct diction any different from all the other corrections we like to give our kids:

Say please and thank you, don't talk with your mouth full, sit up straight, don't interrupt, etc. etc. etc.???

If the word is "Chanukah", then say Chanukah. Does it really take that much effort?

Let's make it a discussion question for the table:

What does the correct pronunciation of "Channukah" have to do with Channukah?

(I.e., unlike all other holidays - by Passover - Pesach - it is not an issue in the same way).

In past years, I've sent you various ideas and themes about the holiday, such as "Chanukah Fire", "HH", and "What's Hannuka".

Please send me the ideas of your family and friends, and next week, I'll send you my opinion about why it does actually matter how you say it.

 

In the meantime,

Shabbat Shalom

and

Happy Hannukah!

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PS - Thanks to Amazon's quick shipping, it isn't too late to browse our recommended Channukah books and games including 101 Chanukah Activities.

PPS - Do you have a favorite Table Talk? Maybe it was last summer's story about the greatest Olympic champion or Satisfact or Fiction. Maybe the Sandy Hook one did it for you. Perhaps it was We of the Storm. One of the most popular of all time was Late for the Train (2006). Some still remember the musical Chinese Food on Xmas.

Please consider an end-of-the-year contribution to support this weekly Table Talk. If you had paid a buck for your favorite one, would you have said, "Money well spent"? What of the fact that it comes to your inbox for free every Friday? Does that make worthless? (or priceless?)

This blog actually costs several nickels to produce, and we rely on readers like you to keep it going. There are the costs of the 10-year-old computers and the rest of the office overhead. There is staff time.

Yet this blog is provided as a free service by JSL in order to achieve our mission of fostering a paradigm-shift in Jewish education. You have the opportunity today to enjoy being being an active partner in this mission. At any level of contribution, you will be a partner. (If you are already a JSL partner, thank you.) http://jsli.org/donate/

Wheel of Fortune.... How does it turn?

The goal of this blog is to not leave the Friday night table talk to chance.... Please share.
In memory of Moshe Simcha Moskowitz and wishing a speedy recovery to Tamar Adina bas Kayna Shulamis.

A horrific accident this week.

A mother and her son drop older sister off at the airport, going to Israel to study. What a happy goodbye!

On the way back, in front of her is a disabled vehicle on the highway - she slows down, but the semi behind her does not slow down and rams her into the stalled vehicle.

How long it took first responders to arrive, who knows and who wants to know. Both mother and son were airlifted to separate hospitals in DC.

The mother is presently in ICU, fighting for her life.

The son - a 13-year-old in our son's school - did not make it.

The funeral was yesterday.

It looked like the entire Jewish community was there. Not only were all 600 seats filled in the huge sanctuary, so was every foot of the standing room, so was the overflow room, spilling out into the hallways and the foyer.

First question for your table: Was it because the parents are well known and loved?

But speaker after speaker told of how special this boy was. His name was Moshe Simcha - and he was always happy (simcha means happiness). He wasn't an extroverted, joking kid. He was mild-mannered, soft-spoken, but extremely friendly and even more than friendly, he was helpful.

His seventh-grade teacher said, "You know those days when you come in to school and you really need a coffee but you don't have time because you have to go copy your handout? Moshe would make sure you had a coffee on your desk and the copies made before you even had a chance to ask him for help."

His father said, "At home, he was always asking, 'What can I do to help?'"

It seems that he had perfected the mitzvah of honoring your parents.

 
Other kids loved him, because he was super nice to everyone, of all ages.

Our son called him "really nice". (That is a very rare compliment.)

He was a fighter - he didn't let diabetes stop him from training for and completing a 120-mile bike-a-thon to raise money to help disabled kids go to camp.

He was a learner - he recently asked his father if they could spend five minutes a day learning together the laws of lashon hara. Why? "Because it's really important and I don't think I know it well enough."

His father, a beloved first-grade teacher, said, "Moshe taught us all something. He was a teacher - a rebbe - to all of us."

Even those of us who never met him.

(Even those of us who merely read about him in an email?)

His family ask:

• In his memory, that we aspire to emulate him;
• As a collective "prayer" for his mother, that we light Shabbat candles five minutes early today.

Hence I share the story with you, and ask you to forward it to everyone you love.

Second question for your table: What's a greater tragedy - a meaningful life cut short at 13, or a long, healthy life without meaning or mission?


Shabbat Shalom


PS - After 2,500 years, there is finally a new way to play dreidel. Click on the image above.

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Flies Like an Arrow?

The goal of this blog is to make the Friday night dinner seem to slow down / speed up (circle one).... Please share.
Mazal tov to Marc & Zeke on their father-son bar mitzvah this week.

Or like a banana?

For your table talk tonight, a story followed by a simple question.

The story:

On Wednesday, I showed our six-year-old a video of the amazing Emily Bear.

My daughter's reaction: "I want to be able to play like that!"

And for the next two days (and counting?) she has been super motivated to practice.

The potential glitch occurred on the second day when she found a new phrase difficult to master. In a brief moment of frustration, she said, "I just want to be able to play like Emily!"

She doesn't think Emily ever had to practice? What's with the haste?

So here's the simple question for your table talk:

Have you ever been anticipating something - a trip, or a party, or some great event, or an Amazon package arriving, or mastering a song on the piano, and it seemed to take forever?

Happens all the time, right?

The question is: is the opposite possible? Is it possible to anticipate a great event that is in the distant future - let's say seven years - and yet the time seems to pass very quickly?

For example:

He had to wait seven years to marry her, but it only seemed like a few days because he loved her so much.

Is this plausible? He loved her so much, so the time seemed to speed up? Shouldn't it have seemed to take forever?

Could it ever happen? How is it possible to anticipate something great - marrying your soul mate - and seven years could seem like a few days?

To answer this question, consider:

1. When does time seem to slow down?
2. When does time seem to speed up?

It seems to me that time seems to slow down when we're anticipating achieving or getting something, whereas time seems to speed up when we are preparing for some kind of test or trial.

If it seems strange that his love for her could make seven years pass quickly, that comes from an attitude of marriage = achieving or getting.

But if love and marriage (and kids?) is a great test and you're shooting for an A+, then the seven years might pass quickly indeed.


Shabbat Shalom


PS - I'm sure you already know how many days to Channuka.... but have you seen what's new in Goldy's list?
PPS - Yes, once again this week's post has an easter egg - can you find it?

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgiveness.html

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgivene

dfdfd

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Teaming With Rivals

Does this ever happen to you?
So you come home to find that they're at each other's throats. Again.

This time the older one is livid:

"I'm not sharing a room with her any... more!" (she breaks the word "anymore" into two words). "I... refuse!"

"Why, what happened?"

"She's being so mean to me!"

"Tell me what happened."

And so on. The details don't matter. What matters is the following dilemma for your table:

Do you try to make shalom, or do you go for truce?

Or refuse to get involved?

Similarly, yesterday I had a very uncomfortable phone call.

I found myself speaking with someone who has been working on a project that is remarkably similar to one of our projects.

Neither theirs nor ours has been launched yet. Neither of us wanted to tell the other many details about what we are doing.

Question #2 for your table: Would you call us rivals? If so, what next?

And Question #3 — In such a situation, would you yourself rather be the "first to market" (not knowing what the other side is cooking), or be second (allowing you to respond better to what they are doing)?

And Question #4 — Is life like chess in this way?

Shabbat Shalom


PS - Now it's really time to pay attention to the number of days to Channuka.... and then see our recommended Jewish books & gifts.
PPS - Did you find this week's easter egg?

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgiveness.html

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgivene

dfdfd

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Proof That You Do Have a Soul (and the Real Reason to Eat Turkey)

The goal of this blog is a thanksgiving weekend. Please share.

The question to start off your table talk tonight:

Why does it have to be turkey?

I mean really —

They ate turkey so we have to eat turkey?

Would it be so bad to have a Thanksgiving pizza? Or Thanksgiving hamburgers? Or a red beans and rice Thanksgiving?

Why do Americans eat turkey like Jews eating matzah on Pesach?

Imagine you are on the boat with Columbus.

(Maybe you're even a Jewish refugee from the Spanish Inquisition.)

Of course, you and all your geographically-challenged buddies think you're in Asia.

It's a strange world! The people, the fauna and flora.

And you see this funky chicken. What do you call it?

Remember, you think you're in the East Indies, so you call it "Indian chicken."

Are you with me so far?

French explorers agree that it looks like a chicken and they call poulet d'Inde (Indian chicken), later shortened to dinde (pronounced "dand").

English settlers think it looks more like a Turkey pheasant than a chicken, so they call the bird turkey.

Jewish explorers side with the French and call it tarnegol hodu — "Hindu chicken" — later shortened to hodu.

What's interesting for us is that the Hebrew word HODU also just happens to mean "give thanks."

So back to our question: What food should you eat on hodu-day? Hodu, of course.

Now ask somebody Jewish: You're Jewish? Can you explain what "Jewish" means?

I don't mean the religious or cultural meaning; I mean the etymological meaning of "Jewish".

Look it up. It means "a state of being thankful".

If you're living up to the name "Jewish" then you are living in a state of being thankful.

I assume that means every day. Make that every moment.

That's a lot of hodu.

Question for the table: How do you do it?

Say the rabbis: every moment is too hard, but once a day is not enough. Try this compromise: try to pause 100 times a day to say thank you.

Does that sound like trying to do 100 push-ups? A great idea, but too much effort?

+ + + +

The solution is the promised proof that you have a soul.

Remember the discussion last week about having a soul v. being a soul?

This week, counter-point:

Take a look at the daily siddur.

Most of it is various expressions of gratitude.

The very first line of the siddur begins like this:

"I'm grateful before you O Living King, for returning my soul to me..."

What can this possibly mean, if soul is what I am?

It would make more sense to say, "I'm grateful for your returning me to my body."

The confusion lies in our definition of "me".

Who am I who is speaking? Who am I who is thinking? Who am I who is experiencing?

I am not a soul. Nor am I a body.

I am a soul-body fusion. The bodily part of me is real and matters. It doesn't need the soul part of me to live, it can live as animal. It can live unconsciously.

But when consciousness returns, say in the morning, that kind of living is so much greater than being asleep.

And when consciousness is elevated, that kind of living is so much greater than being "asleep".

And the simplest way to elevate consciousness is to pause throughout your day and say, "Wow, thank you."

Or maybe it's not so simple. What do you think?


Shabbat Shalom


PS - I'm sure you're still counting down the days to Channuka.... Have you seen our recommended books and toys for kids of all ages?
PPS - Yes, once again this week this message contains a new easter egg....

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgiveness.html

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgivene

dfdfd

 

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Do You Believe You Have a Soul?

The goal of this blog is some brain-cleansing at the Friday night dinner table. Please share.
Happy birthday this week to Stuart in California.

Yesterday there was a voice message that worried me.

"Someone quoted something you said and I wanted to make sure I understood it right."

Uh-oh.

What was quoted as saying? Who is this person? What are they saying about me? What am I going to be asked to defend?

I phoned him back this morning.

The quote in question goes something like this (it actually works very well as a conversation piece for your Shabbat table).

Ask everyone:

Raise you hand if you believe you have a soul.

Most people will raise their hands. In most groups, everyone raises their hands.

Then say, Let me be the first to tell you: I heard from a card-carrying rabbi that you're wrong. You don't have a soul.

Pause and let that sink in.

Then say, You don't have a soul. You have a body. And the fact that you could raise your hand so quickly shows me how confused you really are.

The problem is that we are brainwashed, day-in and day-out, to think of ourselves as bodies. The media around us are constantly shouting, "You're a body, you're a body!" and we come to think that way.

But if your head is on straight, when someone asks you if you have a soul, your reaction should be the same as if they asked you, "Do you have a person?"

"Whaddya mean, do I have a person - I am a person."

Judaism teaches that some aspect of self exists before a person is born, and some aspect continues to exist after a person dies. We call that "soul".

Spirituality is learning how to live with the awareness of yourself as soul and not as body.

One of the most effective ways to become more spiritual is to lock yourself in the bathroom every day and look in the mirror and say, "You're a soul, you're a soul, you're a soul."

The degree to which you live each day with soul-awareness is the degree to which you are spiritual.

And it's a level playing-field. You don't have to be particularly wise, learned or righteous to walk this spiritual path.

You could end the conversation here, and indeed at this point the gentleman was ready to thank me and go about his day.

But there is one vital clarification.

This soul-body (or mind-body) split is a classic problem of epistemology, theology, psychiatry and even neurology.

Some religions teach that the split is so complete that spirituality means minimizing the body (by fasting, celibacy, etc.)

Our tradition says differently.

Mind-body dualism is only hypothetical. At this stage of reality, we are a soul that is fused to a body.

That body is inherently neutral, and can become uplifted and rarefied by using it with soul-awareness.

You can do this every time you give tzeddaka (even to the pushke) or to invite guests (which is hard to do right). Or stop some weekday activity on Shabbat.

Question for the table: When is it hardest to have soul-awareness, and what's the solution?


Shabbat Shalom

PS - Hope you're still counting down the days to Channuka....
PPS - Yes, this week there is a new easter egg....

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgiveness.html

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgivene

dfdfd

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Faith in Polls and Pols

The goal of this blog is to move half the country towards stage 5. Please share.
Happy birthday to Amy in West Hartford...!

From a well-known social commentator:

"I woke up this morning still in shock and grief... "

The grief we understand. And if the outcome had been the other way, the other 50 percent of the country was going to wake up in grief.

But where does the shock come from?

Consider:

"Let’s dispense with the notion that Trump has a real shot at winning in November."
James Downie, Washington Post, Mar 3, 2016
https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/why-donald-trump-wont-be-elected-president/2016/03/03/50dafd0e-e169-11e5-9c36-e1902f6b6571_story.html

"He lacks the political skills, the likability, the public support and the fundraising ability to beat Hillary Clinton. That's why he won't even come close."
- Tim Carney, Washington Examiner, April 11, 2016
http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/no-trump-cant-win/article/2588132

"Donald Trump will not, cannot, win the general election for U.S president.... It's time for the media to stop pretending otherwise…"
Carlo Dade, Sr. Fellow, School of International Development and Global Studies, Univ. of Ottawa, May 17, 2016
www.huffingtonpost.ca/carlo-dade/trump-election_b_9998278.html

"Relax, Donald Trump can't win. Even before you get to his campaign’s incompetence and lackluster fundraising, the numbers just aren’t on his side."
Jon Wiener, The Nation, June 21, 2016
https://www.thenation.com/article/trump-cant-win/

"Moody’s Analytics is forecasting that Hillary Clinton, the presumptive Democratic nominee, will easily win the presidency in November over Republican Donald Trump, the June forecast predicts.... The model, which has predicted every election correctly since it was created in 1980, has forecasted a Democratic victory since the release of its first run in July 2015."
- Vicki Needham, The Hill, Jul 1 2016
http://thehill.com/policy/finance/economy/prediction-hillary-clinton-easily-wins-beats-donald-trump-moodys-presidential-election-model

"Does the thought of President Donald Trump keep you up at night? Maybe this will make you feel better: he can't win."
- Annie Gabillet, Jul 2, 2016
http://www.popsugar.com/news/Donald-Trump-Cant-Win-General-Election-40403924

"Trump is underperforming so comprehensively...[for him to win] it would take video evidence of a smiling Hillary drowning a litter of puppies while terrorists surrounded her with chants of ‘Death to America,’' said an Iowa Republican.
- Steven Shepard, Aug 12, 2016
http://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-electoral-votes-gop-insiders-226932  

"The election is already over…. It’s possible that public opinion shifts dramatically between now and then. But if it doesn’t, Donald Trump has no path to the presidency."
- Tim Alberta, National Review, Aug 30, 2016
http://www.nationalreview.com/article/439466/donald-trump-electoral-map-paths-270-impossibly-narrow

"Sen. Mike Lee said Sunday that embattled Republican nominee Donald Trump cannot win the White House and needs to step aside to allow the GOP to find someone who can take on Democrat Hillary Clinton."
- Salt Lake Tribune, Oct 9, 2016
http://www.sltrib.com/news/4448500-155/utahs-lee-says-trump-cant-win

"Recent polls have shown Trump as low as 35% – three weeks from the election. It is all but over for the Republican nominee. Gary Johnson is right to say that Donald Trump cannot win this election."
- J Wilson, Libertarian Future, Oct 13, 2016
 https://alibertarianfuture.com/2016-election/gary-johnson-says-donald-trump-cannot-win-election/

"Donald Trump is a dud of politician who squandered his advantages in a winnable election. More than just a bad candidate, he has been a catastrophe for the GOP itself. He has destroyed careers, compromised institutions, revealed deep contradictions within the Republican Party, and heightened tensions between its voters and its lawmakers, its activists and its intellectuals. On Nov. 8, nearly 18 months after he announced his bid for the Republican presidential nomination, the saga of Trump will come to a close. If polls are accurate, he will lose. He may even face a landslide, as Hillary Clinton capitalizes on a superior campaign to score victories in states like Arizona, Georgia, and Texas. There’s a slim but real chance that, when the smoke clears, Trump will have led the GOP to a historic defeat, handing the White House, the Senate, and the House of Representatives to the Democratic Party."
James Rouelle, Slate, Nov 2, 2016
http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2016/11/trump_can_happen_again.html

"The American people in their wisdom will not allow themselves to be led into the abyss by a person so dangerous and destructive of American democracy and values – something he has proved every day he has been a candidate for President of the United States. It is Hillary Clinton who will claim victory, and take the country forward."
- Bruce Wolpe, ABC News, Nov 6, 2016
 http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-11-07/opinion-bruce-wolpe-hillary-clinton-to-win-with-274/7998650

"Trump Limps Toward Defeat As GOP Pollsters Say Hillary Clinton Will Get At Least 304 EVs"
- Politcus USA, Nov 6, 2016
http://www.politicususa.com/2016/11/06/trump-limps-defeat-gop-pollsters-hillary-clinton-304-evs.html

The HuffPost presidential forecast model gives Democrat Hillary Clinton a 98.2 percent chance of winning the presidency. Republican Donald Trump has essentially no path to an Electoral College victory. Clinton’s win will be substantial, but not overwhelming. The model projects that she’ll garner 323 electoral votes to Trump’s 215.
- Natalie Jackson, Huffington Post, Nov 7, 2016
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/polls-hillary-clinton-win_us_5821074ce4b0e80b02cc2a94

Most probable single outcome: Clinton 323 EV, Trump 215 EV. This is also the mode of the NC-adjusted histogram.
Median: Clinton 307 EV, Trump 231 EV. Meta-Margin: 2.2%. One-sigma range: Clinton 281-326 EV. The win probability is 93% using the revised assumption of polling error, +/- 1.1%.
- Princeton Election Consortium, Nov 8, 2016
http://election.princeton.edu/2016/11/08/final-mode-projections-clinton-323-ev-51-di-senate-seats-gop-house/

Now, there were a couple (only a couple) dissenting voices out there.

One was Prof. Allan Lichtman who has correctly forecast presidential elections for 30 years. He called this one for Trump in September. (For a simpler, but probably correct take, read this.)

Two questions for your table:

1. When something occurs against all odds, pundits call it an upset and religious people a miracle. Was it an upset, a quasi-miracle?

2. Does this election herald the final downfall of faith in polls and pols?

If not, why not?

If yes, what then?


Shabbat Shalom


PS - Are you counting the days to Channuka?
PPS - Did you find this week's easter egg?

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgiveness.html

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgivene

dfdfd

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As always, this message can be read online at http://rabbiseinfeld.blogspot.com.

__________________

Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld, PhD
Jewish Spiritual Literacy, Inc.
3700 Menlo Drive
Baltimore, MD 21215-3620
(410) 400-9820
To get free audio and other stuff, make a donation, or keep in touch - http://www.jsli.org
A 501(c)3 organization.
 

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Less Than a Penny

The goal of this blog is a penny for your thoughts. Please share.
In honor of three San Francisco birthdays this week: David, Harmon and Rebecca. Happy Birthday!

Did something like this ever happen to you?

We're sitting at the Shabbat table. I ask a child, "So-and-so, would you please go get the orange juice."

Before she can even get out of her chair, her sister dashes ahead of her to snatch the mitzvah.

Some kids may be happy to let someone else do their chores. But this kid is upset: "Abba asked me to do it!!"

This scenario occurs often in our home. It leads to a few questions:

1. Can you steal a mitzvah? Is that really stealing?

After you get everyone's answer, you can tell them: According to the Talmud, not only is it considered stealing, you can take someone to court for stealing your mitzvah and if you win, the court may impose hefty damages. In one such case, the plaintiff was awarded ten gold coins.

2. What's the worst kind or amount of stealing?

Meaning: Is it a dollar amount, like $1M or $1B or ? Was Madoff one of the worst because he stole so much from so many? Or is it a function of the victim - stealing from poor orphans is worse than from Warren Buffet?

3. Is goodness relative or absolute?

Meaning: Should I judge myself in comparison to other people ("Hey, I'm no Bernie Madoff:), or compared to some absolute standard (no cheating anyone ever, even slightly).

Interestingly enough, while everyone agrees that stealing from poor orphans ranks among the lowest of the low, the rabbis say there's a type of stealing that's even worse:

When a person steals in a way that he convinces himself it's not really a crime.

Like the guy who steals one grape from his neighbor's vine.

"What's the big deal? One grape is worth less than a penny, what did I do?"

Indeed, under Jewish law, he cannot be prosecuted.

But imagine others copy him, each one stealing less than a penny's worth, so the poor owner has no legal recourse.

This isn't the billion-dollar Ponzi scheme. It's cheating in a way that you'll never be caught, never be tried, never be convicted.

This is called gaming the system. Cheating on a test. Not reporting all of your income. Not paying an out-of-state parking fine. Not leaving a note when you scratch someone's car.

(Some say even cheating at golf and Pokemon Go.)

If you are guilty of any of the above, don't beat yourself up. The Talmud says most people are. It's a rare person who is 100% honest in all monetary matters.

But that's the definition of an ethical person. 

 

So what are we waiting for?


Shabbat Shalom

PS - Do you know how many days to Channuka?

PPS - Did you find the easter egg?
 

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgiveness.html

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgivene

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Complete Imperfection or Incomplete Perfection?

The goal of this blog is a perfect dinner table discussion. Please share.

Apologies for not getting this out on Friday. (It was one of those weeks.)

(I think that's only the first or second time in the eight years of this blog that I have missed a deadline.)

In the spirit of yesterday's reboot of our annual Torah cycle, here's a thought from the first chapter of Genesis.

During each stage of of creation, God "saw that it was good."

Fair enough. If I were the sun, moon or stars, or a plant, or one of the fish in the sea, or an animal, I would probably be quite satisfied with that divine approval.

But there are a couple exceptions to all these warm-fuzzies.

Notably: humanity.

God does not see that it was good to create us.

Question for your table: Why not???

 
I suppose the more basic question is, what does it mean, "that it was good"?

Some say that "good" here means "complete."

The reason humanity is not judged as "good" is because we were not made complete.

We were made imperfect so that we could complete - perfect - ourselves.

Now that we've launched the new year with the new Torah cycle, there is no better time than to ask:

What am I doing this week to complete myself?

Shavua Tov - may you have a perfect week.


PS - Can you guess how many days to Channuka?
 

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgiveness.html

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgivene

dfdfd

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Thin Skinned?

The goal of this blog is to adjust some attitudes around the Friday night dinner table. Please share.
Thank you to all who continue to respond to our 36¢ challenge.

Last week, I mentioned visiting the assisted living folks, talking about smiles, and making new friends.

This week, a story of serendipity, followed by a challenge.

Serendipitously, one of the new friends I made on Yom Kippur is a certain Mr. and Mrs. Lowen.

He is 92 and she 90, and both are sharp as a tack.

He was born in Frankfurt. By 14 he had learned Hebrew and French, and a solid background in Torah and Talmud.

Then he witnessed Kristallnacht in Frankfurt, after which the Gestapo arrested his father and sent him to a camp.

Miraculously, his mother was able to get him released after a month. How?

She went to the police station and proved that he had served the Fatherland in WWI.

But they saw the writing on the wall. They put him and his brother on the famous Kindertransport to the UK in the late spring of 1939.

The parents never got out.

In England, they were hosted by a non-Jewish family, a big challenge for boys from a kosher home.

Her story is no less dramatic. Her family had fled to Milan, only to flee again a year later.

And here they are today, 78 years later, married for 70 years.

And they show no sign of malice, no hint of rancor. They told me they never returned to Germany and would not ever; yet they are people of faith, from families of faith, and one can see their parents' glow in their eyes so many years later.

This morning I asked Mr. and Mrs. Lowen if they had a message for the 1,000 people who read this email-blog every week.

She said, "Believe in God."

He said, "Love God."

Some people say, "How can I believe in God, let alone love God, after the Holocaust?"

Maybe they should ask the Lowens.

I've often said that the hardest two words in the English language are "I'm sorry," and the second-hardest are "I'm wrong."

Question for your table: What are the third hardest two words?

I would suggest: When someone apologizes to you, to say, "It's okay."

So I would like to suggest an appendix to last week's challenge.

Train yourself to become excellent at saying "It's okay" — even when they don't apologize.

 

To do so, you need to know that you matter, you were created for a purpose, and that the struggle itself, that's your purpose. There is no greater joy than knowing that. 


Shabbat Shalom and Happy Sukkot/Simchat Torah


PS -  Here are some great inspirational quotes about forgiveness. And here. (My favorite: “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” (N. Mandela) What's yours?)

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgiveness.html

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgiveness.html

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Smile a Day

The goal of this blog is to increase the SF at the Friday night dinner table. Please share.

Thank you to all who responded generously to last week's 36¢ challenge!

First question for your table: Do you enjoy Yom Kippur?

I love Yom Kippur.

It's the one day a year I get a real chance just to sit and think.

No one expects you to be anywhere. You can find yourself a quiet meditative spot and think.

But thinking is hard. So I take a break every year and head over to the assisted living facility to lead a Yizkor service.

In there you have the most interesting, diverse and interested group of people. Interesting, because they have all lived long lives. Diverse, because they are a random selection of the community. Interested, because their lives are pretty monotonous, and they love visitors.

I saw some old friends (some of whom remembered me) and met some new ones.

My daughter Tehila joined me. She helped me distribute the Yizkor sheets and she helped me tell the story of Jonah.

Yizkor, I reminded them, is a way we remember our loved ones who have passed away. It's a very simple prayer, in a nutshell: "May the Almighty remember _____, in whose merit I pledge to give tzedaka."

Sometimes when we think of such loved ones, we wonder, "Why?"

Why did they die? Why not me?

If you're stuck in an assisted living facility because you are mobility-challenged, you might even wonder why God is punishing you.

So I told them, if you are alive today, it is because you still have work to do. What work could you possibly do when you can hardly get yourself dressed in the morning?

Maybe it's something as simple as smiling.

If you want to leave a legacy, just keep in mind that chances are, a hundred years from now, no one, not even your descendants, will remember your name, let alone anything you did (no, digital storage won't help).

Therefore, your greatest legacy is going to be how you can affect people right here, right now.

I'm talking about the littlest things - like smiling at someone, which cascades like dominoes to.

Or pay someone a compliment. You just made their day.

Here's a New Year's resolution, for those who haven't made one yet:

Every day for 2 weeks, get five people to smile.

Second question for your table: Think you can do it?


Shabbat Shalom and Happy Sukkot


"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." (Churchill)
(Sorry to use the same quote twice in a row, it is just that good.)


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Yom Kippur - Vive la Différence

The goal of this email is to put the PUR back into Yom Kippur. Please share.

Here's a puzzler for your Friday night dinner table:

What's black and white and read all over, and worth 36¢?

Too hard? OK, we'll come back to that.

First, a more personal question:

Now that the hard work is behind us, and Yom Kippur is so far off, what's there to do?

The answer, according to the Rambam, is.... do more.
If you are ordinarily not particularly friendly.... try to be friendly.

If you are ordinarily friendly.... be more friendly.

If you ordinarily are not particularly careful about what you say.... be careful.

If you ordinarily are careful about what you say.... be more careful.

If you ordinarily don't give tzedakah generously.... give tzedakah generously.

And if you are ordinarily generous.... now be more generous.
Once or twice a year I remind you that this blog is a project of a non-profit organization that is doing ambitious, creative work for the betterment of the Jewish People and humanity (like this, and this, and this, not to mention this
and this and this.)

 
Our operating budget is funded mainly by people like you. If you find this email occasionally uplifting, thought-provoking, discussion provoking, educational or even amusing, please consider an $18 donation for the New Year. (http://jsli.org/donate/)

Doing so sends the message that this blog is worth at least 36¢ a week to you.

Is it?

A final question for your table:

If a person is normally a tzaddik - is it possible for them to become a greater tzaddik?



We have one week to practice being a greater tzaddik until the big soul-scrub next Tuesday night.

Wishing you a Shabbat Shalom and a happy Yom Kippur.


"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." (Churchill)

Rosh Hashana for Thinkers

The goal of this blog is a BOFA (breath of fresh air) at the Rosh Hashana table. Please share.

Last Monday, with just a week left of the year 5776, we attended the funeral of my 19-year-old son's best friend.

I do not need to tell you that it was heart-wrenching.

He was a nice kid. Soft-spoken, smart. One summer a few years ago I hired him and my son to paint our fence. When they completed the job, he refused to accept payment, telling me that he didn't feel he had done a good enough job. I was satisfied, but his own sense of integrity prevented him from accepting payment.

(The official cause of death was accidental drowning.)

I share this unhappy news in the spirit of Rosh Hashana.

If you find that a bit ironic, it may be because you are thinking of Rosh Hashana like January 1: champagne, fireworks, saxophone, Scotch whiskey.

Nope.

Rosh Hashanah is that one day a year (OK, two) (OK, maybe one) to think about your life.

How fragile it is, how quickly it can end ....

How precious it is.

What it will take to make 5777 the best year ever.

My Rav used to tell us, "Yom Kippur is easy. You fast and say I'm sorry a bunch of times. Rosh Hashana is hard work. You have to think."

Tradition says that how you think on Rosh Hashana affects your entire year. The day has a certain karmic energy that causes your thoughts  to have more influence than on any other time of the year.

Rosh Hashana determines who will be healthy and who will get sick. Who will earn and who will lose. Who will live and who will die.

(The root of "hashana" is shina which means "change". Rosh Hashana = beginning of change.)

This need to think is the real reason for two days of Rosh Hashana: clarity matters, and most of us need two days to get it.

Whether you do it for one day or two, if you end Rosh Hashana before achieving greater clarity about your life, you just missed an opportunity.

Here are two questions to help those at your table hear the shofar a little differently this year:

1. If you knew that this was going to be the last year of your life, how would you live it?
2. If you had to stand in a court and justify living for another year, what would you say? What do you hope to accomplish that would justify another year of life?

(For 23 more questions for contemplation, or for my "Rosh Hashana Omens" sheet, send me an email.)

Wishing you and yours a good, sweet year of health, success and great happiness. May you be inscribed and sealed in the Book of Life.

If I have written or said anything in the past year to offend, kindly forgive me. And let's all pause around sunset tonight and forgive everyone who may have offended us.

L'shana tova!


"Men will forgive a man anything except bad prose." (Churchill)


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Why You're Surely Right

The goal of this blog is to create some moral indignation at the Shabbat table. Please share.

Yesterday someone said something truly remarkable to me.

But to underscore how remarkable it is, let's first turn to Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Carnegie tells this fascinating story:

On May 7, 1931, the most sensational manhunt New York City had ever known had come to its climax. After weeks of search, "Two Gun" Crowley - the killer, the gunman who didn't smoke or drink - was at bay, trapped in hi sweetheart's apartment on West End Avenue.

One Hundred and fifty policemen and detectives laid siege to his top-floor hideaway. They chopped holes in the roof, they tried to smoke out Crowley, the "cop killer," with tear gas. Then they mounted their machine guns on surrounding buildings, and for more than an hour one of New York's fine residential areas reverberated with the crack of pistol fire and the rat-tat-tat of machine guns. Crowley, crouching behind an over-stuffed chair, fired incessantly at the police. Ten thousand excited people watched the battle. Nothing like it had ever been seen before on the sidewalks of New York.

When Crowley was captured, Police Commissioner E. P. Mulrooney declared that the two-gun desperado was one of the most dangerous criminals ever encountered in the history of New York. "He will kill," said the Commissioner, "at the drop of a feather."

But how did "Two Gun" Crowley regard himself? We know, because while the police were firing into his apartment, he wrote a letter addressed "To whom it may concern," And as he wrote, the blood flowing from his wounds left a crimson trail on the paper. In this letter, Crowley said, "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that would do nobody any harm."

Crowley was sentenced to the electric chair. When he arrived at the death house in Sing Sing, did he say, "This is what I get for killing people?"

No, he said, "This is what I get for defending myself."

Carnegie points out that Crowley's self-image as an innocent victim is common among criminals.

Al Capone, for instance, infamously said,

I have spent the best years of my life giving people the lighter pleasures, helping them have a good time, and all I get is abuse, the existence of a hunted man.

That would almost be comical if not coming from Scarface himself, Public Enemy #1 who murdered his way to the top of America's biggest mob enterprise.

To understand the self-righteous criminal mind, let's turn to Lewis Lawes, warden at Sing Sing for 21 years. He wrote,

Few of the criminals in Sing Sing regard themselves as bad men. They are just as human as you and I. So they rationalize, they explain. They can tell you why they had to crack a safe or be quick on the trigger finger. Most of them attempt a form of reasoning, fallacious or logical, to justify their antisocial acts even to themselves, consequently stoutly maintaining that they should never have been imprisoned at all.

It seems to me there are two take-aways from this observation. One I will make today, and the other next week.

I mentioned above that I heard something remarkable yesterday.

This person, after a long discussion about a problem he is having with a certain other person and the exasperation he is feeling due to the wrongness of the other person, asked, "Rabbi, do you think I'm being irrational? Am I way off base?"

It is so rare to ask this question. Most of us are so focused on the justness of our cause, on the injustice against us, that it never occurs to us that maybe we are off base.

The first question for your table is, Can you ever be fully honest with yourself? How do you find out if you are?

One way we know is learn ancient wisdom while examining your life (but choose your rabbi wisely!)

Or, make a pilgrimage to a far-away land where you can get some perspective on your life.

Or, at the very least, do some guided contemplation.

(For our Rosh Hashana self-assessment worksheet, shoot me an email.)


Second question for your table: Why is it so hard to say, "I'm wrong"?


Shabbat Shalom

PS: Do you know how many days until Rosh Hashana?

"It is a fine thing to be honest, but it is also very important to be right." (Churchill)


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