Liquid Mind?

New: BackyardBarmitzvah.com

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

September 26-27, 2025 • 5 Tishrei 5786 • Vayeitzei (Deut 31).
We've added a new timer ... counting down to Sukkot.

Happy New Year!

As a follow-up to last week's "Jelly Beans" message, here's a starter-question for your table:

Have you ever had an inspired idea like his? Would you like to?

I would personally like to ask him what inspired him to make that great film.

The history of inspiration and invention is a fun topic, with such colorful stories and characters like Archimedes and Buckminster Fuller.

What do such creative people have in common? And how are inventors similar to or different from innovators in science, art, music, or other fields?

Yesterday, I happened to hear a brief story on the radio that may begin to answer this question.

It was about a woman named Bette Graham.

Have you heard of her?

(Probably not, which is too bad, because her story should be told to every child and in every business school.)

In the 1950s she found herself a single mom without income. She had studied art but couldn't make a living in art, so took a job as a secretary. 

The problem was that she had learned to type on manual typewriters, and her employer had upgraded to the new electric typewriters. Bette found herself making many errors and was at real risk of losing her job.

The artist in her said that there must be a way to hide her mistakes, with just the right kind of paint. 

After many hours of trial-and-error in her kitchen, she settled on a pigment that she could apply to her typos with a tiny paint brush. Her boss never noticed!

But you know who did notice?

The other secretaries. They all wanted some of Bette's paint. So she bought some tiny makeup bottles with little brushes and started selling her "liquid paper" to her friends. 

You can guess where this is going. It did take some time and it was a slow expansion, from her kitchen, to a shed in her back yard, and as business grew, eventually to a factory and then a second factory in Canada and a third one in Europe. 

"I never set out to make a million dollars nor even to invent anything, I just wanted to keep my job!"

Question for your table: What's your take-away lesson from Betty Graham?

Here's one to consider:

When you set your resolutions for 5786, don't merely speak in generalities. It's great that you want to be a more punctual person. It's great that you want to commit to being on time for every meeting for 30 days. But I would encourage you to add to that a reason why it matters. Such as: "I'm going to try to be on time to every meeting for 30 days so that the people I'm meeting feel more respected."

Having a clear why makes it 9x easier to reach your goals.

Shabbat Shalom


PS - The premiere mitzvah is giving tzedakah, and the premiere tzedakah is in support of Jewish education. At this time of year, it is customary to increase our mitzvahs. If you enjoy this email weekly or even once in a while, please consider showing your appreciation with a tax-deductible donation. There are many ways to give, including recurring credit card donations... please visit https://jsli.org/donate. 


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How Many Jelly Beans?

New: BackyardBarmitzvah.com

 

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

September 19-20, 2025 • 27 Elul 5785 • Netzavim (Deut 29-30).
You probably don't need it at this point, but our countdown timer to Rosh Hashanah is still ticking.

 

Ze Frank is a master short-take filmmaker.

One of my favorites is his "The Time You Have (In JellyBeans)". 

Picture a large black floor space. A pair of hands pours an enormous quantity of jellybeans.

The narrator explains, "These are roughly twenty-eight thousand eight hundred jelly beans.... In this pile there is one jelly bean for each day that the average American will live."

He could have stopped the video right there and that idea and visual alone would have been enough to make us think. 

But he continues...

He removes 5,475 jellybeans representing your first 15 years of life.

He then removes 8,477 jellybeans (days) for the total the average person sleeps over a lifetime.

He then removes 1,635 for the amount of days we will spend in food preparation and consumption.

He then removes 3,202 jellybeans for the average amount of time spent "at work."

He then removes 1,099 for the amount of time the average person spends commuting.

He then removes 2,676 for the average amount of days a person spends watching TV (or the equivalent).

Subtract another 1,576 for shopping and household chores.

Subtract 564 jellybeans (days) for time spent caring for others' needs.

Subtract 671 days for personal grooming.

Subtract 720 days for "religious and civic duties." 

After removing all of those jellybeans, there is a small pile: "This is the time we have left.... time for laughing, swimming, making art, going on hikes, text messages, reading, checking Facebook, playing softball, maybe even teaching yourself to play the guitar... So what are YOU going to do with the time you have left? How much do you think you've already used up?"

"What if you only had one day left? What would you do?"

The visual effect of that one remaining jellybean is a homerun.

Question for your table: What if you only had one jellybean left? What are you going to do today?

On that note, to help you turn this blog into a meaningful RH and YK, click on the above image, or email me for the 5786 Edition of "40 Meditations for the High Holidays", or both.


Shabbat Shalom

And L'Shanah Tovah - wishing you and yours a sweet, healthy, happy, holy and wise 5786


PS - At this time of year, it is customary to increase our tzedakah. If you enjoy this email weekly or even once in a while, please consider showing your appreciation with a tax-deductible donation. There are many ways to give, including recurring credit card donations... please visit https://jsli.org/donate. 


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What's Your Biggest Worry?

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

September 12-13, 2025 • 20 Elul 5785 • Ki Savo (Deut 26-29).
Our countdown timer to Rosh Hashanah is here.

How are you doing at saying "yes"? (last week's topic)

Can you recall the Hebrew expression from last week?

(Being mevater.)

Did it occur to you that a political assassination is the diametric opposite of being mevater? 

Try listing the 3 most pressing issues facing yourself, your family, your city, your country, the world:

1. __________________ 2. __________________ 3. __________________ 

Now, try that again, but predict what our great-grandchildren — looking backward to today — will consider to be the 3 most pressing issues that we should have been worrying about:

1. __________________ 2. __________________ 3. __________________ 

Does your list include "people not being mevater"?

I predict that our great-grandchildren (or perhaps great-great-grandchildren) will want to know whether or not we:

1. Were honest in every transaction.
2. Gave ten percent of our income to worthy tzedakahs, with Jewish education high on the list.
3. Pursued wisdom and critical thinking

And they will want to know — or should want to know — did you and I cultivate being mevater?

And if not, why not?

And if not now, when?

Shabbat Shalom

PS - We've put a link to get this year's "40 Meditations for the High Holidays" on TorahHealth.org.


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Just Say Yes?

 

 

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

September 5-6, 2025 • 13 Elul 5785 • Ki Seitsei (Deut 21-25).
 

 

Picking up from last week's topic of negotiating and giving in...

Here's an analogy based on something that happened just yesterday.

Decided to try out a new cafe.

Put into Waze "coffee" and it comes up with Such-and-Such Coffee Roasters. I like the sound of that. "Roasted coffee" sounds much more appealing than just "coffee," no?

Waze delivers. It really is a coffee roaster - it's in an industrial building alongside a brewery and distillery. Each has a tasting room.

No food, no fancy, just coffee! Hardly even any seating, most of the room is filled with shelves of giant burlap coffee sacks, some full, many waiting to be filled.

This is going to be good - the real deal!

When I step up to the counter, a slightly-annoyed-looking young man with very long hair appears. 

- May I please have a cup of coffee?
- What size?
- What are my options?
- Small, medium, and large.
- Hmm... so many choices!
- How about we go for medium - not too large, not too small?
- Fine.

He doesn't offer cream or milk of any sort, just black coffee. My kind of place, ever since I quit adding sugar 4 years ago.

Even better: he hands me my black coffee in a corrogated cup emblazoned with just one word, "COMPOSTABLE".

Nice. Love the inattention to branding. Love the simplicity.

I take it outside to one of the tiny tables - it's a lovely day, with a lovely green view. 

Smells good. This is definitely going to be good - the real deal!

Here's the catch: the coffee tastes terrible. 

(OK, so maybe that wasn't so nice to say. I suppose I could say that it tasted terrible to me or it wasn't to my taste.)

Surely somebody loves that brand of coffee!

I'm not saying it was bad because it was bitter... All black coffee is bitter. But there's bitter bitter and there's better bitter.

But how terrible was it? Undrinkable? No, I could drink it. I didn't savor it, that's for sure. I didn't even finish the cup. Its taste didn't ruin the rest of the experience, and certainly didn't ruin my day, and if I weren't writing this email, I probably wouldn't have given it a second thought.

The point of last week's email was the spiritual concept of being mevater - of not standing on your rights all the time, of giving in whenever possible, of seeking the path of happiness rather than righteousness. It's so hard to do, because everyone wants to be right, right?

It's a great word to add to your daily vocabulary: "I'll just be mevater." Or: "Thank you for being mevater." 

Being mevater requires tremendous inner strength and self control. Imagine someone you love serves you something that you don't like... could you eat it with a smile and appreciate everything else about the experience other than the taste? If so, you're on the path to greatness. 

Shabbat Shalom

PS - We've put a link to get this year's "40 Meditations for the High Holidays" on TorahHealth.org.
PPS - Yes, the pic is clickable as always...


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Would You Rather Be Right Or Happy?

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

August 29-30 2025 • 6 Elul 5785 • Shoftim (Deut 16-21).

 

Let's start our Shabbat table talk with an open question for everyone:

Have you ever been 100 percent sure you were right about something, but nevertheless gave in to the other person?

I'm not talking about when you say grumpily, "Fine! Have it your way!"

I'm talking about when you say with a smile, "You know, I see your point; OK."

Or at the very least, you say, "You know, you may be right."

Remember, I'm talking about when you are 100 1,000 percent sure you're right! Not even the tiniest sliver of a doubt.

Do you know where the word negotiate comes from? 

It's Latin for "saying no." Think about that for a minute.

Simple negotiating is just saying no until you get the deal you want.

Great negotiating is finding creative ways to say no without the other party feeling like you're saying no.

If you want to learn the basics of great negotiating, you might want to click on the above image.

But not every disagreement calls for negotiating, right?

Question for your table: Which of the following scenarios might giving in with a smile be the best choice?

a. To save your life.
b. To end a pointless argument.
c. To create shalom in the home.
d. To build your image as a flexible person.
e. To exercise your "self-control" muscle.
f. All of the above.
g. None of the above.
 

Shabbat Shalom

PS - We've put a link to get this year's "40 Meditations for the High Holidays" on TorahHealth.org.

Vintage Wein

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

August 23-24 2025 • 29 Av 5785 • Re'ay (Deut 11-16).

Vintage Wein

The Jewish World has lost one of our heroes.

Rav Berel Wein died last Shabbat. 

You can read many eulogies about his remarkable life and impact on Jewish education.

I was lucky to have had two private conversations with him.

The first was in the late 1990s in Jerusalem when I escorted him to a lecture he gave to a visiting Federation Mission.

Although it was an evening program at the end of a long day, he showed no signs of fatigue and every sign of enthusiasm to connect with Jewish people.

I asked him if he agreed with the premise that intra-Jewish conflict was a greater threat to us than our external enemies. 

He said, "Absolutely, it's obvious, that's what Chazal (Talmudic Rabbis) say, that's what Josephus says, that's what we see when we study Jewish history."

And that is why Rav Wein's primary focus was teaching Jewish history. He would often say, "If you don't know where you come from, then you don't know where you are. And if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you're going... it's the key to faith and belief."

And therefore, he said, studying and teaching history is the key to solving this endless intra-Jewish conflict that has been our greatest enemy for thousands of years.

If you'd like to raise the bar for your own understanding of Jewish history, you could begin with one of his wonderful books.

Or one of his creative videos.

Or one of his lectures.

Or click on the pic above to see what's happening at his Jewish Destiny Foundation.

My second conversation with him was six years ago while developing Torah Health & Wellness. I asked him if he personally focused on this mitzvah, and how. He was very matter-of-fact: "Of course – you need to be healthy in order to achieve your purpose in this world." He said that he ate in moderation and exercised several times a week with a personal trainer (this was at age 85).

Question for your Shabbat table - Do you 👍🏼 or 👎🏼 with his view of the urgency of studying Jewish history? 

(And if you agree, what are you going to do about it?)

Shabbat Shalom


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Sweet the Small Stuff?

 

 

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

August 16-17, 2025 • 22 Av 5785 • Eikev (Deut 7-11).
Happy birthday shout-out to Shelli! 

 

Do you recall the 1997 best-seller, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff?

(Did you or anyone you know ever read it?)

It was more than a best seller - it spent two years on the best seller lists and was translated into 30 languages, and launched an entire brand for author Richard Carlson: 

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Men
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Teachers

And on and on.... It's amazing how many ways you can rewrite a book! It reminds me of the quip by the late Rav/Dr Avraham Twerski - "I wrote one book 75 times."

I searched but could not find Carlson's books on recommended-reading lists by psychotherapists.

Perhaps because the title says it all — it's easy to get caught up in a worry or anxiety about something that either is not really consequential or that you can't do anything about.

But I wonder how many people reading this know the full title of his original book?

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, and It's All Small Stuff

Question for your table - do you agree that "it's all small stuff??"

And there is an even more interesting question that comes to mind, from a perspective of Jewish wisdom, which inspired this week's title.

OK, let's say I conquer anxiety, worry and anger, and I stop sweating the small stuff. 

The thing is, the small stuff is still there in my life, whether or not I'm sweating it.

The question is - would it be possible to do better than "not sweating the small stuff" - but to actually sweeten the small stuff? What do you think?

 

Shabbat Shalom

PS - If you want to learn a great secret to sweetening the small stuff, click on the image above. 

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Et Tu B'Av?

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

August 8-9, 2025 • 15 Av 5785 • V'eschanan (Deut 3-7).

Tonight is the full moon of our 5th lunar month, the month of Av.

This event is called Tu B’Av.

The moon symbolizes the Jewish People - the "small light" reflecting the "great light" (Bereishis/Gen 1:16).

The moon symbolizes Jewish history - waxing and waning. And even when it looks like we're gone, we always come back. 

It's the pinnacle of the month of the lion, which is Yehudah (Judah) which is the origin of the word "Jew" — the tribe that symbolizes leadership achieved through gratitude and honesty.

(As opposed to leadership achieved through power or money.)

If you happen to be near a beach, you can experience a reminder of that power by seeing a high tide tonight and a low tide tomorrow mid-day.

The moon symbolizes the Jewish woman, who maintains her steady power whether or not she exerts it visibly. 

Fun fact: the highest high tide and lowest low tide are specifically when the moon is invisible. 

The Midrash says that the sun and the moon were once the same size, but then the moon shrank. And that one day the moon will be restored to its original size. 

These are symbolic statements and must be interpreted.

Question for your table: Based on the above moon symbolisms, what's your interpretation?

Shabbat Shalom

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Can Your Backyard Be Holy?

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

August 1-2, 2025 • 8 Av 5785 • Devarim (Deut 1-3).

Last week, when you saw the new teachers website, you were probably thinking, "What's he going to come up with next?"

Yes, this week there is again something new under the sun of Jewish education and engagement!

Our newest program is a response to the following pain-points:

“My child wants a bar/bat mitzvah but the Temple requires a year’s membership and frankly we’re not so interested.”
“We want a meaningful experience that isn’t just a ritual and a party.”
“How can I give my child a connection to Judaism when we’re so far from any Jewish community?”
“My child has learning differences — are there any non-traditional options?”

First question for your table: Do any of those sound familiar? Have you ever heard anyone say any of these things? Do you know anyone who might be feeling that way?

(If so, please send them this email!)

The new Backyard Bar Mitzvah program is a not-for-profit service of yours, truly and JSLI.

It's so new that we haven't even linked to it on our home page yet (but the Rosh Hashanah countdown timer is ticking away there...)

Now, this week's title was inspired by a question one of my volunteer proofreaders asked:

My only concern is how this concept will go over with religious Jews. Will they see this as a “dilution” of a significant Jewish rite of passage?

Second question for your table: What do you think? Is the Backyard Bar Mitzvah concept a dilution of a significant Jewish rite of passage?


Shabbat Shalom

(For those fasting on the 9th of Av - Saturday night through Sunday - wishing you an easy fast.)


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Is It That Time Of Year Again?

 

 

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

July 25-26, 2025 • 1 Av 5785 • Matos-Masai (Num 30-36).
In memory of Dovid ben Eliezer.

Thank you for all the positive feedback on the new teachers website.

This week, for the twentieth time in late July or early August, I have to speak about my late father zl in the past tense.

Anyone who ever lost a loved one knows the feeling. During shiva you're still talking about them in the present tense. It takes weeks or months to get used to using the past tense.

His death twenty years ago this week (on the Jewish calendar) was so sudden, violent, and young (65) that the Pierce County newspaper editors were moved to write a rare editorial-obituary.

Headline: We've Lost One of the Good Guys

I think that my mother summed him up best when she asked that his epitaph read, "Champion of Justice".

In that spirit, when we made a donation to our shul in his memory, we asked for the plaque to read, "One who chased tzedakah, loved Jews, and honored all creatures."



It seems to me that an epitaph is like a eulogy — it should at the end of the day inspire the rest of us to a higher sense of being and purpose.

Question for your table: What would you want your epitaph to say in order to inspire others about your life?


Shabbat Shalom


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Raise the Bar For Our Children?

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

July 18-19, 2025 • 23 Tamuz 5785 • Pinchas (Num 25-31).

Whether you are a parent or grandparent, or an aunt or uncle, or neighbor: you surely have children in your social network whom you care about.

The question is - have these children ever had a less-than-stellar teacher in any classroom?

I wish that this were a sincere question and not a rhetorical one. 

In my opinion, having an untrained teacher in any classroom is usually a bit of a tragedy. 

Finding great teachers is the dream of every principal. But it ain't easy. Sometimes they have to settle, and hope for the best. That's why we launched JTI 8 years ago.

But this week the game has changed, and I need your help, dear reader, to get the word out.

Our Jewish Teachers Institute (JTI) project has until now serviced only the Baltimore community. But as of this week - any school in the world can stream our workshops!

Please check out https://trainings.jsli.org 

I have two requests:

1. Spend 4.5 minutes perusing the site.

2. If you like what you see, share it with anyone you know involved with education.

Including: teachers (including college professors), principals, parents and grandparents of school-age children...

Most of our workshops are universal - even a public school teacher would benefit.

I have personally spent many hours over the past month trying to get this website right. I would very much appreciate your critical feedback if you see anything that can be improved! 

Many thanks to the generous supporters of JSLI whose partnership has made this new level of teacher training possible. 

Let's end as usual with a question for your table... One of the workshops on the new site is called PIVOT: Teach Any Subject Effectively - it's an acronym for 5 key practices of master teachers. Can you guess what each letter stands for? 

Shabbat Shalom


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Boerne Again?

Apropos the Kit, try asking these two questions at your Shabbat table:

 

 

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

July 11-12, 2025 • 16 Tamuz 5785 • Balak (Num 22-25).
 

 

Here's a question to start your Shabbat table conversation: Have you ever heard of Boerne, Texas?

"Sure, it's about a half-mosey from Fair Oaks Ranch, and a mosey-and-a-half from Comfort."

Related question: How do you pronounce Boerne?

("Burn-ee".)

The town has a website, a news site, plenty of green, wonderful things to see and do, and.... can you guess what else...?

Yessir, yes ma'am, a Chabad House.

Apparently Rabbi and Rebbetzin Marrus are doing tremendous acts of chesed to help victims of this flooding tragedy — everything from cash and food to chainsaws and refrigerators. Not to mention priceless emotional support.

(If you want to participate in the mitzvah, click here.)

Question for your table... Helping victims of a distant disaster is an unmistakable chesed (act of lovingkindness). But would you call it a duty?

Shabbat Shalom


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Do You NEED a Miracle, or Do You WANT a Miracle...?

Apropos the Kit, try asking these two questions at your Shabbat table:

 

 

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

July 4-5, 2025 • 9 Tamuz 5785 • Chukath (Num 19-22).

There are two types of people in the world.

One kind of person, like my Bubby of recent fame, who saw miracles in the small things. Everyday miracles.

(BTW, this book image is clickable - highly recommended!)

The other type of person sees the same everyday events and says, They are not miracles, they're "nature" or "random". 

First question for your table: Which kind are you?

For thousands of years through our many persecutions, we have been reading promises in our books of Prophets that the day will come when we see will see extraordinary events that even the latter kind of person would have to admit are miraculous.

Unless your head is in the sand, you are surely aware that we have arrived to the foretold time.

These stories don't make your Google or Yahoo news feed. But they are being told. Mili

Question for your table... Which kind of person are you?

Shabbat Shalom (and Happy 4th!)



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Gotta Love People...?

Apropos the Kit, try asking these two questions at your Shabbat table:

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

June 27-28, 2025 • 2 Tamuz 5785 • Korach (Num 16-18).
In memory of my grandmother, Yehudis bas Alexander, on her 19th yahrzeit.

My grandmother, Bubby, loved people.

Due to this trait, taking her on an errand was never a speedy activity.

Unlike many of her peers, into her 90s she wasn't mobility challenged; she never used a cane etc. Even after she gave up driving because she realized that her reflexes had dulled, she continued to walk everywhere and enjoyed every step.

But what slowed her down was that she seemed to be able to find an excuse to talk to everyone she met. It could be a stranger walking a dog or merely wearing a hat - anything slightly unusual would be an excuse to start a conversation. And if the person had absolutely no unusual garment or pet, she would break the ice with something like, "Are you enjoying the fabulous weather?"

Those were the quick conversations. The longer ones were in the stores. She couldn't buy a box of toothpicks without getting the salesperson's life story and without explaining why she needed that box of toothpicks on that particular day.

But I cannot recall anyone ever responding to her in anything other than the most warm and lovely way. The reasons is obvious - her questions were genuine - she truly was interested in everyone and spoke from her heart.

Question for your table... In Proverbs (27:19), King Solomon says, "As water reflects one's face, so does the heart of person to another." - Do you think that's true?

 I
Shabbat Shalom



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Who's the We?

Apropos the Kit, try asking these two questions at your Shabbat table:

Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld

June 20-21, 2025 • 25 Sivan 5785 • Shelach (Num 13-15).

 

The happiest Jews I know right now are those who spend the least time online.

It's obviously heartening to read pro-Israel comments.

The anti-Israel comments are to be expected, nothing new here. But the pro-Israel comments from around the world are a big boost.

Including President Trump's.

Here's a question for your table: 

When Mr. Trump said, "We have complete control of Iranian airspace" — what did he mean?

Presumably, he was talking like a Yankees fan watching his team trouncing the Dodgers in the top of the Ninth.

"We've got this one in the bag..."

Mr. Trump is a big fan of Israel. He's rooting for the Jews.

Just pause for one minute and think about this one fact: regardless of your personal opinion of Mr. Trump, regardless of your opinion about his policies or his style or anything else - how does it feel to know that the President of the USA is rooting for your people?

It feels almost like a Biblical moment:

- When we left Egypt in 1300 BCE, why did there need to be 10 Plagues? Couldn't God have taken us out without all that? The answer is: God wanted the King (Pharaoh) to green-light our freedom.

- When we left Persia ca. 380 BCE, King Cyrus not only green-lighted the return to Israel, he underwrote it and the rebuilding of Jerusalem.

But these facts give us a theological question for the table:

Why would God set it up this way? Putting aside realpolitik, in the big scheme of things, why should it matter whether or not the most powerful person in the world supports our sovereignty?


May we share good news.

Shabbat Shalom

PS - Want to know a trick for having a truly peaceful Shabbat? Try going 25 hours - from 18 min before sunset tonight until 48 min after sunset tomorrow - without looking at a screen or listening to the radio. Guaranteed serenity. Added serenity if you light candles this evening before sunset - a simple act that connects you to Jewish people around the world and going back in time for thousands of years.



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