Channuka Presence

Dedicated to Yeudel ben Fruma – may he have a speedy and complete recovery!

(to dedicate a future Table Talk, send an email)



What is the greatest threat to Judaism today? Is it Iranian nukes?

I would argue that we are facing a far more dangerous threat. So perilous, in fact, that we need an entire holiday to remind us how to avoid it.....

This Hannuka thought was just published as an article in the World Jewish Digest; for copyright reasons I need to ask you to go there to read or download the text

For the full audio version, try these links online or for download:
Part1 – intro (10 min)
Part2 - (51 min)
Part3 – the deeper stuff (30 min)

Since Hannuka begins next Tuesday night, here’s one idea to enhance your celebration. On the one hand, if you do presents, keep them separate from the candles and dreidels and so on. Do them during the day, maybe in the morning, or before sunset, or an hour or two after candles. Let the candles and story-telling become associated with presence and not presents. On the other hand, if you want to give out a little gelt, this is an ancient custom (evolved or devolved into chocolate coins) for children that, if done sparingly, can increase their simcha without becoming a materialistic distraction. How about 1 coin (amount varies with age) the first night, 2 the second night, etc?

For next week’s Table Talk I have cued-up an amazing Hannuka story, so stay tuned.... In the meantime, here’s a Hannuka themed comic book.

I was also told that in the Marvel Holiday Special from January 1993, superhero Doc Samson visits a Hebrew school to talk to the kids about Hanukkah. When they find the story too dull, he spices it up by inserting contemporary references and super-powered characters (e.g. Hulk, Wolverine, Elvis).


Finally today’s question for your table: If you were stuck on a desert island and had only 8 candles for the entire festival of Hannuka, how many would you light each night?


Shabbat Shalom and a freilichen Hannuka,


Alexander Seinfeld

PS – send me YOUR favorite Hannuka story to share in next week’s Table Talk.

Yiddish of the week:

freilichen – happy

Israel fact-of-the-week:
Israeli male lifespan among highest in developed countries. Men in only five countries have longer lifespans than Israeli males, who live an average of 78 years: Iceland (79.2), Japan (78.6), Switzerland (78.6), Sweden (78.4), and Australia (78.1). The average lifespan is one measure for defining quality of life and differentiating between developed and undeveloped countries.

Thanks

A few weeks ago we dedicated a Table Talk to the recovery of Mindel Sara bat Chaya Nechama Sheindel. Since she is in Israel, it’s hard for most of us to do “bikkur cholim”, but we can have her in our thoughts. Here is her latest report:

I had a parasinal tumor that had pushed into my frontal lobe. It is/was malignant. And tomorrow we go to Tel Hashomer/Sheba Medical Center to begin the set up prior to radiation therapy. The therapy will take 6 wks of 5x/wk. I'm assuming we will begin on the 25th.

Due to the extent of the tumor and it's invasiveness I will not be able to smell again (small price for life, thank G-D!!) and had to have my eye sockets rebuilt. They took out punches of bones and stuff, but you'd never know it to see me!! Thank God - no sinking face syndrome!

Through most of the procedures and hospitalization I maintained a fairly positive attitude, humming when the procedures took a long time or singing in key with the beeps of ICU that drove me bonkers!

But it took a low point when they were preparing to give me a unit of blood, when my veins had had enough and the pain of the IV was excruciating for me to have my epiphany of why during most of this I had been positive. As they were comparing the details of the unit of blood the doctor said to the nurse: B positive? And the nurse responded: B positive. And I started to giggle. "What's up?" they asked.

"Well," says I, "I suppose I have no choice but to look at the good side of everything. I have 'Be Positive' blood! I'm stuck with being positive!!” It took them a second to understand, but when they did they laughed with me!

Question for your table: Is it possible always to be positive whenever the chips are down?


Shabbat Shalom


Yiddish of the week:
Bikkur cholim – the mitzvah of visiting the sick

Jerusalem

Dedicated to my friend Harry, a great soul. To dedicate a future Table Talk, send an email.


My friend Harry, a “Persian” Jew from California (i.e., he was born in Iran), was in Jerusalem recently with his family and taking a cab with two of his sons to the Western Wall. They settled on a fare of twenty shekels.

The driver heard his accent and asked him, “Are you Iranian?”

“Yeah, sure,” Harry said. “Are you?”

“No, but I love Iran! I love Ahamdinejad!”

Harry couldn’t believe his ears. “You love Ahamdinejad? How could you? He wants to start a war to destroy Israel!”

“Yes, destroy! Jihad, jihad, jihad!”

By now Harry’s sons were really nervous. They were hoping to make it home in one piece.

But Harry could not contain himself. He was incredulous. “How can you say that! Here you are, driving us in a cab in Yerushalayim! We are Jews! You are driving us to the Wall! How can you talk like that?

“Yes,” said the driver, “jihad, kill the Americans and Israelis to avenge my brothers in Iraq.”

For Harry, the most incredible had become even more incredible: “You are so bothered by your brothers in Iraq? It’s not Americans killing them, they’re killing each other!”

He had pushed too far: “Get out here,” the driver demanded.

“But we’re not at the Wall yet?”

Taxicabs are not allowed to the Wall anymore, security restrictions.

But Harry was not finished. “Are you Sunni or Shia?”

“I am Sunni!”

“Then you’re a fool. Don’t you know that Ahmnadijab is a Shia. That means that he’s coming to kill YOU too!”

The driver fell silent and waited for his passengers to exit the cab.

Outside, Harry told his visibly relieved sons, “You see boys, for only a few dollars we got a valuable lesson....”

Question for your table>: What was the lesson?

A related disturbing video:



Shabbat Shalom.

Speaking schedule – save the dates:
December 5 – Beverly Hills - Hannuka party for singles - with all-you-can-eat sushi, open bar, casino, music and “Persian” auction. Super prizes, including an iPhone. For tickets for yourself or to give a friend as a meaningful Hannuka present, phone 310-785-0440

Litmus Test

This Table Talk is in honor of Yaakov Felson and Ariel Yoseph Pollock, both of whom joined the world in the past couple weeks on opposite ends of the country (Ariel Yoseph entered the Covenant this morning in Miami). Mazal tov!


Have you ever noticed how children’s honesty challenges develop as they grow up?

Our youngest, Devorah (nearly 2), is the most straightforward of all. When she’s happy to see you she smiles. When she’s hungry or tired, she cries. When she wants something she points and when she doesn’t want it she waves her hand.

One of her older siblings is honesty-challenged when it comes to personal hygiene: “Did you remember to wash your hands?” She hates to wash those hands, but we saw her starting to lie about it. So instead of asking her a yes-no question like above, I started simply assuming that she didn’t - “Please go back and wash your hands” - and she does; if she tells me that she did already, I believe her.

One of her older siblings has overcome the honesty challenge at school. I’ve let them know that I expect them to learn in school, but that I love them the same regardless of how they do, because I don’t want them ever to hide their failures from me. When this child recently failed a vocabulary test, s/he didn’t try to hide it from me, but announced with some embarrassment, “You’re not going to like the score I got on my test.” But then s/he immediately plunged into the well-known consequence in our household: go look up all the words you missed and study them, because you’re going to take the test again, whether or not your teacher agrees to re-mark it, because you are responsible for learning those words.

And then there’s us adults.

It’s one thing to be considerate of other people’s feelings and needs.

It’s another thing to be scheming strategizing and politicking in order to manipulate other people’s feelings and needs to achieve our own goals. Do you know anyone who is completely non-manipulative, not scheming, purely genuine? How about yourself? How is it possible to know?

The problem is that we’re so caught up in outer appearances that only one in ten people are able to judge themselves critically and honestly.

But the modern world has given us a great tool, and the wonderful expression, “Put your money where your mouth is.” Money is a great measure of value and values.

You want to know objectively if you’re being genuine?

Step 1:

On a scale of one to five (five being the highest), how important are the following to you? You cannot have more than three 5s or three 4s, and you must have at least two 3s, two 2s and two 1s.

Nurture my relationships with my family
Being well educated
Making a contribution to my community
Having a happy and fulfilling marriage
Spirituality
Being well-liked
Having a good reputation
Financial success
Getting all the latest and greatest gadgets
Peer recognition in my career or profession.
Personal fulfillment
Helping other people
Giving myself and/or family a good Jewish education
Making a contribution to humanity
Achieving peace of mind
Having children
Living in the home of my dreams
Acquiring self-knowledge
Seeing as much of the world as possible
Living a long, healthy life.


Step 2:

Sit down and figure out how and what you’ve spent your discretionary dollars on the past year. 50% on gadgets? Figure it out. Be honest.

Step 3:

Compare your two lists. How would you grade yourself - are you living according to your values? Give yourself a grade, A through F.

Step 4:

This is the hardest one: send me an email with your grade, and if you’re earning less than an A+, tell me how you’re going to make it up.

Shabbat Shalom

Speaking schedule – save the dates:
November 13-14 - California
November 17 – Washington, DC. and Baltimore
December 5 – Los Angeles (Hannuka party)

(For details, send an email)


Yiddish of the week:
emes - truth
sheker - falsehood


Yiddish review – how many do you remember?
anee — poor person
koptsen — panhandler
ballaboss — homeowner; layman
nu — various meanings (see archives)
mishpocha — family
mameh — mother
tateh — father
mazal — (MAH-z'l) luck or fortune, as in, "It was good mazal that...."
beshert — (b'shairt) - meant to be, as in "It was beshert that..."
mine eltern — my parents
mine lair-er — my teacher
hamantashen — Haman-pockets
zeigezunt — all the best (said upon parting)
kesher — connection
Ikh volt veln a kave, zayt azoy gut. — I'd like a coffee, please.
...kave mit shmant. — ...a coffee with cream.
...kave mit milkh. — ...a coffee with milk.
...kave mit tsuker. — ...a coffee with sugar.
Di Fir Kashes — The Four Questions
Oy vey! — Good grief!
mensch — a decent person
rachmanus — mercy
neshoma (neh-SHOH-ma) — soul
minig — custom, as in, "Why do you do that?" "It's my minig!"
Gavaltig — wonderful
Oy gavalt — How wonderful (sarcastic)
Azoy gait es! — That's how it goes!
Shabbos — Cessation; stopping; day of cessation; weekly Sabbatical experience.
("Gut Shabbos" — "Enjoy your weekly sabbatical experience")
neshoma — Soul
meshugass — insanity
meshuganeh — insane
kyna hara — no evil eye
shvitz - sweat
shanda – shame
L’chayim! - Cheers!
Pinteleh Yid - the Jewish feeling in the heart of every Jew
Zreezus – zeal
m’kohm – place (pl. mkohmas)
mamalashen – mother tongue
kvetch – complaint
kvell – burst with pride
bashert – meant to be, pre-destined, as in, “He’s my bashert” or “It was bashert that...”
hishtadlus – effort, due diligence; as in, “Do your hishtadlus and let Hashem worry about it.”
Yiddishe kopf – Jewish knowledge and perspective (lit., Jewish head)
Gut yahr! – Happy New Year!
Gut yontiv – Happy Holiday (chag sameach)
yarmulke – skull cap
tikkun – repair
tikkun olam – rapairing the World
noodge - a whiner (rhymes with "would")
to noodge - to whine or nag

The Definition of Torture

This week’s Table Talk is dedicated to Esther Bas Devorah and Hendel Chaya bas Hinda Sara, both of whom are suffering from terrible cancer. May they and all the ill have a speedy recovery. To dedicate a future Table Talk, send an email.



You know, all this news about waterboarding and torture has raised an important question: What exactly is torture?

Some people have pointed out that torture is relative – what’s torture for me may not be for you. Or what used to be torture for me may not be anymore, or vice-versa.

For instance, I used to think it was absolutely torture to go to shopping at any kind of mall or clothing store. Absolute torture! You had to drag me there kicking and screaming! My clothes would be threadbare – you were actually seeing skin – not because I was trying to make a counter-culture fashion statement but because I really, really, really, really, really hated going shopping for clothes.

But that was all before I met my wife.

At first, I let her simply shop for me. That approach resulted in some exceedingly good choices in clothes. There was of course one catch – I still had to go in for alterations. But I was always determined to limit myself to one trip to the mall per decade. So what we worked out was that we would buy slacks from Nordstrom because their seamstress is so good, I could skip the return trip and let my wife pick them up for me because there was no possibility that the pants wouldn’t fit perfectly.

Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.

When the pants came back, they mis-fit on two counts – too wide at the waist and too short at the cuff. I may have lost weight, but I was pretty sure I hadn’t grown an inch taller in two weeks.

The problem is that I couldn’t get myself to go back to the mall. So those pants hung there in my closet, a daily reminder of Murphy’s Law and my own personal failure.

Months passed.

I looked at those pants. I even tried them on again – maybe I was wrong, maybe they do fit after all?

Not a chance.

More months passed.

I considered psychoanalysis. What is the source of my aversion to the mall? Is it possible that I had a childhood trauma at the Tacoma Mall (the site of one of the world’s first Nordstrom stores – I remember the days before it was all fancy but I’m not so old that I remember when they only sold shoes...)?

Finally, I spoke to my wise wife about it. She spoke with an uncharacteristic lack of empathy: “Don't be such a noodge. It’s not a mystery why you don’t like shopping. You’re a man.”

Could that be it? Is that all it is, just my hormonal programming?

Armed with that insight, the solution to the pants problem became so obvious that if I could have kicked myself, I would have.

You see, I didn’t marry my wife so that I could have a partner to do the chores that I find unpleasant or to pick up the slack when I’m busy.

I married her to have a partner to share my life with. Well, we can’t do everything together, but we do have a “date night” every week when we do something together. The key to date night is that we take turns deciding what to do. And whatever one of us decides, the other one LOVES it, because after all, we’re doing it together, right? So when my wife says, “this week we’re going to the mall”, I’m not really going to the mall – because I hate going to the mall. What I’m doing is spending time with my wife doing something she wants to do, which makes it something I want to do.

We went to the mall, we got the pants altered again. They got it wrong again, but I didn’t mind the return trip this time.

And the next week?

Ace Hardware. And she loves it!

And here’s Everyman’s shopping video:


Here’s one that Everyman will hate:


And finally, here's a solution for the whole family:


And finally, the question for your table: What’s your loved one’s pleasure that is your torture?

Shabbat Shalom.

Speaking schedule – save the dates:
November 13-14 - California
November 17 – Washington, DC. and Baltimore
December 5 – Los Angeles (Hannuka party)

(For details, send an email)


Yiddish of the week:
noodge - a whiner (rhymes with "would")
to noodge - to whine or nag


Yiddish review – how many do you remember?
anee — poor person
koptsen — panhandler
ballaboss — homeowner; layman
nu — various meanings (see archives)
mishpocha — family
mameh — mother
tateh — father
mazal — (MAH-z'l) luck or fortune, as in, "It was good mazal that...."
beshert — (b'shairt) - meant to be, as in "It was beshert that..."
mine eltern — my parents
mine lair-er — my teacher
hamantashen — Haman-pockets
zeigezunt — all the best (said upon parting)
kesher — connection
Ikh volt veln a kave, zayt azoy gut. — I'd like a coffee, please.
...kave mit shmant. — ...a coffee with cream.
...kave mit milkh. — ...a coffee with milk.
...kave mit tsuker. — ...a coffee with sugar.
Di Fir Kashes — The Four Questions
Oy vey! — Good grief!
mensch — a decent person
rachmanus — mercy
neshoma (neh-SHOH-ma) — soul
minig — custom, as in, "Why do you do that?" "It's my minig!"
Gavaltig — wonderful
Oy gavalt — How wonderful (sarcastic)
Azoy gait es! — That's how it goes!
Shabbos — Cessation; stopping; day of cessation; weekly Sabbatical experience.
("Gut Shabbos" — "Enjoy your weekly sabbatical experience")
neshoma — Soul
meshugass — insanity
meshuganeh — insane
kyna hara — no evil eye
shvitz - sweat
shanda – shame
L’chayim! - Cheers!
Pinteleh Yid - the Jewish feeling in the heart of every Jew
Zreezus – zeal
m’kohm – place (pl. mkohmas)
mamalashen – mother tongue
kvetch – complaint
kvell – burst with pride
bashert – meant to be, pre-destined, as in, “He’s my bashert” or “It was bashert that...”
hishtadlus – effort, due diligence; as in, “Do your hishtadlus and let Hashem worry about it.”
Yiddishe kopf – Jewish knowledge and perspective (lit., Jewish head)
Gut yahr! – Happy New Year!
Gut yontiv – Happy Holiday (chag sameach)
yarmulke – skull cap
tikkun – repair
tikkun olam – rapairing the World