In memory of Natan Dovid ben Hershel.
The question WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN? has sold a lot of books.
It has been asked by every generation from the beginning of history.
Most people shrug: “There is no answer.”
Try asking this question at your table, and then share this story about my friend Nate:
Nate started to turn his life around about six or seven months ago. At age 55, after so many years in the fast-lane, he had hit rock-bottom. If you heard the story of his life, his childhood and so on, you would not be surprised. But last fall he decided: now is the time. For six months he was on an upward path, working on himself and his relationships every day. He mended his relationship with his wife and teenage daughters. He rejuvenated his relationship to his Judaism. He had begun to internalize the Jewish perspective that we are spiritual beings having a human experience and not the other way around.
When I last saw him a few weeks ago, I asked him, “So Nate, what are you going to do with yourself now? Are you looking for work?”
“No, I’m not looking for a job. I want to volunteer. I would like to find a charitable organization that could use me. Do you know of an organization that could use my help?” he asked hopefully.
“I can think of a few, Nate – I’ll make you a list.” He seemed grateful.
Nate was also studying for the first time in his life. He attended a seminar about the history of the Torah and was so inspired he decided to try keeping kosher. He also had discovered the inner peace that only a day of “Shabbos” can give you. A friend introduced him to a local Hasidic synagogue where they sing and dance joyously Friday night.
Last Friday night, he met some of the senior members of the shul and was really feeling like he belonged. Walking home with his friend in the peaceful harmony of twilight, when all forces of the cosmos seemed in balance, Nate was run down by a car without its lights on. We don’t yet know the speed of the car, but the collision hurled him forty feet and there were no skid marks. He survived until Saturday night, and I did not hear about it until Sunday night at 2:30 am when I returned from New York.
Not just his family and friends, but the whole world is bereft of a man who had much more to give.
How do you process this? Is it enough to say, there is no answer...?
Here is a cute film, which I don’t necessarily agree with, but thought-provoking:
If you happen to be in the San Francisco area on Tuesday, June 12 and would like to share your wisdom with other thoughtful people and hear a Jewish answer that you’ve never heard before, please join me in Mill Valley (send an email for the details).
May the memory of the righteous be for a blessing. Please send an “aliya” to Nate’s neshoma by doing one act of “Shabbos” tonight in his memory.
Shabbat Shalom.
Upcoming speaking schedule:
June 4-8 – http://jewcy.com Guest Blogger
June 12 – Mill Valley: “Why Do Bad Things Really Happen?” (Private home)
June 13 – San Francisco: “Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism: Hidden Connections” (Adath Israel)
June 15-16 – San Francisco: Shabbat Scholar-in-Residence (Adath Israel)
June 24-26 – Philadelphia (Etz Chaim)
(For details, send an email)
Yiddish of the week:
Shabbos — Cessation; stopping; day of stopping; weekly sabbatical experience
"Gut Shabbos" — "Enjoy your weekly sabbatical experience"
Neshoma — Soul
Yiddish review - how many do you know?
anee — poor person
koptsen — panhandler
ballaboss — homeowner; layman
nu — various meanings (see archives)
mishpocha — family
mameh — mother
tateh — father
mazal – (MAH-z’l) luck or fortune, as in, “It was good mazal that....”
beshert – (b’shairt) - meant to be, as in “It was beshert that...”
mine eltern – my parents
mine lair-er – my teacher
hamantashen – Haman-pockets
zeigezunt – all the best (said upon parting)
kesher - connection
Ikh volt veln a kave, zayt azoy gut. - I'd like a coffee, please.
...kave mit shmant. – ...a coffee with cream.
...kave mit milkh. – ...a coffee with milk.
...kave mit tsuker. - ...a coffee with sugar.
Di Fir Kashes - The Four Questions
Oy vey! - Good grief!
mensch — a decent person
rachmanos — mercy
neshoma (neh-SHOH-ma) — soul
minig — custom, as in, "Why do you do that?" "It's my minig!"
Gavaltig — wonderful
Oy gavalt — how wonderful (sarcastic)
Azoy gait es! — That’s how it goes!
Friday, May 25, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
Summer Blockbuster
This Table Talk is dedicated to you.
Thank you for inspiring these weekly rambles. I don’t know how much they are being read, but if there is even one person on the list who enjoys each missive, it’s worth it. If there isn’t even one person, it’s still worth it because the effort gets my gears going every Friday morning.
Today I’m sending you an article that I wrote in today’s Baltimore Jewish Times. It’s a little long to read at your table, but the main points are easy to summarize. Hope you enjoy.
New Blockbuster: The Torah
Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld
Special to the Jewish Times
MAY 18, 2007
Walk into an average Shavuot Torah marathon next week, and you might be surprised to see many people learning Talmud. What does the Talmud have to do with the giving of the Torah?
Everything, actually.
"Torah" neither means "law" nor does it consist of the Five Books of Moses. It’s short for Torat Chaim - instructions for living - and includes both written and oral texts. To study the Written without the Oral is like driving a car with a chassis but no engine. Kids do that, but not adults who want to get somewhere.
This Oral tradition includes the Talmud, Midrash and kabbalah - it’s all Torah.
Therefore, if you read "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" and think it’s barbaric, you forgot to learn the Oral explanation that this common ancient phrase means monetary compensation.
But the Oral Torah is much more than a biblical commentary. It contains wisdom that would astonish experts in any field, including law, ethics, psychology, economics and so on. For example, consider the talmudic estimate of the number and distribution of stars in the universe.
To appreciate this passage, bear in mind: the telescope was invented in the 16th century C.E.; and the number of stars visible to the naked eye is approximately 9,000. That’s not an outrageous number and perfectly within the vocabulary of classical Hebrew.
Also keep in mind that the Talmud never claims to be scientific. It does include certain statements and anecdotes that we might label "scientific, such as Rav Ilai’s investigation of ants. But the vast bulk of talmudic wisdom is allegedly received tradition, from Moses to Joshua, to the prophets, to the Elders, to the Great Assembly and then to a chain of scholars until the completion of most of the Talmud circa 600 C.E.
What did these ancient rabbis say about the number of stars? Page 32b of the Tractate Berachot records a tradition, in the name of Rabbi Yehoshua ben Lakish, that there are roughly 10^18 stars in the universe. This number is remarkably big and much closer than it should be to the current scientific estimate of 10^20-10^22.
Although interesting for an ancient people to have such a large estimate, this single coincidence could be an extremely lucky guess. (Never mind that no other ancient people had an estimate anywhere near this or a conventional way to write such a number.)
However, the Talmud relates more than a raw number. The passage explains that the distribution of stars throughout the cosmos is neither even nor random. Rather, they cluster in groups of billions of stars (galaxies), which themselves cluster into groups (galactic clusters), which in turn are in mega-groups (superclusters).
To describe the stars as clustered together, both locally and in clusters of clusters, was far beyond the imagination and the telescopes of scientists until Edwin Hubble’s famous photographs of Andromeda in the 1920s. Galactic clusters and superclusters have been described only in the past decade or so. Moreover, the Talmud states categorically that the number of galaxies in a cluster is about 30. Astronomers say that our own local cluster contains 30 galaxies!
In fact, the Talmud adds that the superclusters consist of about 30 clusters each, and that superclusters are themselves grouped into a bigger pattern of about 30 (mega-superclusters?) of which the universe has a total of about 360. Thus, the Talmud appears consistent with the theory that the universe’s overall structure is shaped by the rules of fractal mathematics. I’ve shown this data to numerous astronomers and the consensus is pure astonishment.
Did Rabbi Yehoshua ben Lakish make an extremely lucky guess? It’s possible if he had used a number of symbolic significance in Judaism, such as seven, 10, 18 or 40. Why 30? To my knowledge, there is no spiritual/religious reason for choosing that number; so it comes across as a conscientious oral transmission of a received tradition, rather than one person’s guesstimate.
Moreover, Rabbi Yehoshua had a reputation for impeccable honesty. It is highly unlikely that he would make up these numbers or guess without telling us. The clear intent is to convey an Oral tradition.
You are now in on the secret to celebrate Shavuot: There is something special about the Torah and rumors of its demise have been greatly exaggerated. It is more than a mere cultural expression of one tiny group of ancient people, so numerically small that we reminded Mark Twain of a "nebulous dim puff of star dust lost in the blaze of the Milky Way."
This passage about the stars is a mere five Talmudic lines, itself about as significant as a puff of star dust in the galaxy. Imagine the universe available for exploration. Shavuot is a great time to begin.
<><><><>
PS – the actual Jewish Times article has a serious typo – they printed the number of stars as 1,018 and 1,022 instead of 10^18 (that's 1,000,000,000,000,000,000) and 10^22 (10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000). So if you share this, please send the corrected version. Azoy gait es!
Shabbat Shalom and Happy Shavuot/Shavuos (next Tuesday night).
Upcoming speaking schedule:
May 20 – New York: “Ghosts, Demons and Necromancy” (Hineni Center, hineni.org)
June 12 – Mill Valley: “Why Do Bad Things Really Happen?” (Private home)
June 13 – San Francisco: “Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism: Hidden Connections” (Adath Israel)
June 15-16 – San Francisco: Shabbat Scholar-in-Residence (Adath Israel)
June 24-26 – Philadelphia (Etz Chaim)
(For details, send an email)
Yiddish of the week:
Azoy gait es! — That’s how it goes!
Yiddish review - how many do you know?
anee — poor person
koptsen — panhandler
ballaboss — homeowner; layman
nu — various meanings (see archives)
mishpocha — family
mameh — mother
tateh — father
mazal – (MAH-z’l) luck or fortune, as in, “It was good mazal that....”
beshert – (b’shairt) - meant to be, as in “It was beshert that...”
mine eltern – my parents
mine lair-er – my teacher
hamantashen – Haman-pockets
zeigezunt – all the best (said upon parting)
kesher - connection
Ikh volt veln a kave, zayt azoy gut. - I'd like a coffee, please.
...kave mit shmant. – ...a coffee with cream.
...kave mit milkh. – ...a coffee with milk.
...kave mit tsuker. - ...a coffee with sugar.
Di Fir Kashes - The Four Questions
Oy vey! - Good grief!
mensch — a decent person
rachmanos — mercy
neshoma (neh-SHOH-ma) — soul
minig — custom, as in, "Why do you do that?" "It's my minig!"
Gavaltig — wonderful
Oy gavalt — how wonderful (sarcastic)
Thank you for inspiring these weekly rambles. I don’t know how much they are being read, but if there is even one person on the list who enjoys each missive, it’s worth it. If there isn’t even one person, it’s still worth it because the effort gets my gears going every Friday morning.
Today I’m sending you an article that I wrote in today’s Baltimore Jewish Times. It’s a little long to read at your table, but the main points are easy to summarize. Hope you enjoy.
New Blockbuster: The Torah
Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld
Special to the Jewish Times
MAY 18, 2007
Walk into an average Shavuot Torah marathon next week, and you might be surprised to see many people learning Talmud. What does the Talmud have to do with the giving of the Torah?
Everything, actually.
"Torah" neither means "law" nor does it consist of the Five Books of Moses. It’s short for Torat Chaim - instructions for living - and includes both written and oral texts. To study the Written without the Oral is like driving a car with a chassis but no engine. Kids do that, but not adults who want to get somewhere.
This Oral tradition includes the Talmud, Midrash and kabbalah - it’s all Torah.
Therefore, if you read "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" and think it’s barbaric, you forgot to learn the Oral explanation that this common ancient phrase means monetary compensation.
But the Oral Torah is much more than a biblical commentary. It contains wisdom that would astonish experts in any field, including law, ethics, psychology, economics and so on. For example, consider the talmudic estimate of the number and distribution of stars in the universe.
To appreciate this passage, bear in mind: the telescope was invented in the 16th century C.E.; and the number of stars visible to the naked eye is approximately 9,000. That’s not an outrageous number and perfectly within the vocabulary of classical Hebrew.
Also keep in mind that the Talmud never claims to be scientific. It does include certain statements and anecdotes that we might label "scientific, such as Rav Ilai’s investigation of ants. But the vast bulk of talmudic wisdom is allegedly received tradition, from Moses to Joshua, to the prophets, to the Elders, to the Great Assembly and then to a chain of scholars until the completion of most of the Talmud circa 600 C.E.
What did these ancient rabbis say about the number of stars? Page 32b of the Tractate Berachot records a tradition, in the name of Rabbi Yehoshua ben Lakish, that there are roughly 10^18 stars in the universe. This number is remarkably big and much closer than it should be to the current scientific estimate of 10^20-10^22.
Although interesting for an ancient people to have such a large estimate, this single coincidence could be an extremely lucky guess. (Never mind that no other ancient people had an estimate anywhere near this or a conventional way to write such a number.)
However, the Talmud relates more than a raw number. The passage explains that the distribution of stars throughout the cosmos is neither even nor random. Rather, they cluster in groups of billions of stars (galaxies), which themselves cluster into groups (galactic clusters), which in turn are in mega-groups (superclusters).
To describe the stars as clustered together, both locally and in clusters of clusters, was far beyond the imagination and the telescopes of scientists until Edwin Hubble’s famous photographs of Andromeda in the 1920s. Galactic clusters and superclusters have been described only in the past decade or so. Moreover, the Talmud states categorically that the number of galaxies in a cluster is about 30. Astronomers say that our own local cluster contains 30 galaxies!
In fact, the Talmud adds that the superclusters consist of about 30 clusters each, and that superclusters are themselves grouped into a bigger pattern of about 30 (mega-superclusters?) of which the universe has a total of about 360. Thus, the Talmud appears consistent with the theory that the universe’s overall structure is shaped by the rules of fractal mathematics. I’ve shown this data to numerous astronomers and the consensus is pure astonishment.
Did Rabbi Yehoshua ben Lakish make an extremely lucky guess? It’s possible if he had used a number of symbolic significance in Judaism, such as seven, 10, 18 or 40. Why 30? To my knowledge, there is no spiritual/religious reason for choosing that number; so it comes across as a conscientious oral transmission of a received tradition, rather than one person’s guesstimate.
Moreover, Rabbi Yehoshua had a reputation for impeccable honesty. It is highly unlikely that he would make up these numbers or guess without telling us. The clear intent is to convey an Oral tradition.
You are now in on the secret to celebrate Shavuot: There is something special about the Torah and rumors of its demise have been greatly exaggerated. It is more than a mere cultural expression of one tiny group of ancient people, so numerically small that we reminded Mark Twain of a "nebulous dim puff of star dust lost in the blaze of the Milky Way."
This passage about the stars is a mere five Talmudic lines, itself about as significant as a puff of star dust in the galaxy. Imagine the universe available for exploration. Shavuot is a great time to begin.
<><><><>
PS – the actual Jewish Times article has a serious typo – they printed the number of stars as 1,018 and 1,022 instead of 10^18 (that's 1,000,000,000,000,000,000) and 10^22 (10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000). So if you share this, please send the corrected version. Azoy gait es!
Shabbat Shalom and Happy Shavuot/Shavuos (next Tuesday night).
Upcoming speaking schedule:
May 20 – New York: “Ghosts, Demons and Necromancy” (Hineni Center, hineni.org)
June 12 – Mill Valley: “Why Do Bad Things Really Happen?” (Private home)
June 13 – San Francisco: “Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism: Hidden Connections” (Adath Israel)
June 15-16 – San Francisco: Shabbat Scholar-in-Residence (Adath Israel)
June 24-26 – Philadelphia (Etz Chaim)
(For details, send an email)
Yiddish of the week:
Azoy gait es! — That’s how it goes!
Yiddish review - how many do you know?
anee — poor person
koptsen — panhandler
ballaboss — homeowner; layman
nu — various meanings (see archives)
mishpocha — family
mameh — mother
tateh — father
mazal – (MAH-z’l) luck or fortune, as in, “It was good mazal that....”
beshert – (b’shairt) - meant to be, as in “It was beshert that...”
mine eltern – my parents
mine lair-er – my teacher
hamantashen – Haman-pockets
zeigezunt – all the best (said upon parting)
kesher - connection
Ikh volt veln a kave, zayt azoy gut. - I'd like a coffee, please.
...kave mit shmant. – ...a coffee with cream.
...kave mit milkh. – ...a coffee with milk.
...kave mit tsuker. - ...a coffee with sugar.
Di Fir Kashes - The Four Questions
Oy vey! - Good grief!
mensch — a decent person
rachmanos — mercy
neshoma (neh-SHOH-ma) — soul
minig — custom, as in, "Why do you do that?" "It's my minig!"
Gavaltig — wonderful
Oy gavalt — how wonderful (sarcastic)
Friday, May 11, 2007
Life-or-Death Talk
This Table Talk is dedicated to the memory of Shulamis bas Mesha Hershel and Daniel Reuven ben Shmuel, both of whom were laid to rest this week. To dedicate a future Table Talk, send an email.
A Life-or-Death Dilemma:
Two people are traveling in the desert. One of them has a canteen with just enough water to survive the trek. Oy gavalt! Should he keep it for himself, give it to his friend, or share it? (Yes, assume that they are not going to find any way out of this ordeal.)
While you’re thinking, and gathering wisdom from around your table, I’ll share with you why I chose this Talmudic dilemma.
This was a heavy week. In addition to my regular teaching, writing and family duties, fielding calls and emails from around the country, organizing events, fundraising, staff management, curriculum development and daily meditation, I had two funerals this week, one as officiating rabbi and another as non-officiating rabbi. Normally the funerals are the province of the pulpit rabbis, but not everyone has a relationship with a pulpit rabbi so sometimes we free-lancers get the call. It’s a mitzvah and an honor; moreover, we have a Talmudic principle that “in a place where are no men, be a man” - meaning, you’re not obligated to drop a mitzvah in order to do another mitzvah. However, a “hasidic” person might do so if you are the only one who can do it.
But Baltimore has no shortage of rabbis. When I get such a call, I have to decide: am I really needed for this extra-curricular non-compensated mitzvah, or is it going to over-fill my cup?
In other words, I had to decide: Do I have enough water in my canteen to share?
That takes us back to the story. What did you decide?
In the Talmud’s version of this dilemma, Rabbi Potiri opines that you should share the water, because it’s better that neither of you should live to witness the other’s demise. But Rabbi Akiva responded that the mitzvah of helping others is so that they should “live with you” - meaning your own life comes first.
This is the old airplane rule of “secure your own mask before that of your child.” Successful parents make sure that they have their own heads on straight before trying to fix their kids. Make sure your basic emotional and physical needs are taken care of, and you will then be equipped to help others. (But make sure you do take that next step!)
Shabbat Shalom.
Upcoming speaking schedule:
May 20 – New York: “Ghosts, Demons and Necromancy” - Hineni Center, hineni.org
June 12 – Mill Valley: “Why Do Bad Things Really Happen?”
June 13 – San Francisco: “Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism: Hidden Connections”
June 15-16 – San Francisco: Shabbat Scholar-in-Residence
Late June – Philadelphia (TBA)
(For details, send an email)
Yiddish of the week:
Gavaltig — wonderful
Oy gavalt — how wonderful (sarcastic)
Yiddish review - how many do you know?
anee — poor person
koptsen — panhandler
ballaboss — homeowner; layman
nu — various meanings (see archives)
mishpocha — family
mameh — mother
tateh — father
mazal – (MAH-z’l) luck or fortune, as in, “It was good mazal that....”
beshert – (b’shairt) - meant to be, as in “It was beshert that...”
mine eltern – my parents
mine lair-er – my teacher
hamantashen – Haman-pockets
zeigezunt – all the best (said upon parting)
kesher - connection
Ikh volt veln a kave, zayt azoy gut. - I'd like a coffee, please.
...kave mit shmant. – ...a coffee with cream.
...kave mit milkh. – ...a coffee with milk.
...kave mit tsuker. - ...a coffee with sugar.
Di Fir Kashes - The Four Questions
Oy vey! - Good grief!
mensch — a decent person
rachmanos — mercy
neshoma (neh-SHOH-ma) — soul
minig — custom, as in, "Why do you do that?" "It's my minig!"
A Life-or-Death Dilemma:
Two people are traveling in the desert. One of them has a canteen with just enough water to survive the trek. Oy gavalt! Should he keep it for himself, give it to his friend, or share it? (Yes, assume that they are not going to find any way out of this ordeal.)
While you’re thinking, and gathering wisdom from around your table, I’ll share with you why I chose this Talmudic dilemma.
This was a heavy week. In addition to my regular teaching, writing and family duties, fielding calls and emails from around the country, organizing events, fundraising, staff management, curriculum development and daily meditation, I had two funerals this week, one as officiating rabbi and another as non-officiating rabbi. Normally the funerals are the province of the pulpit rabbis, but not everyone has a relationship with a pulpit rabbi so sometimes we free-lancers get the call. It’s a mitzvah and an honor; moreover, we have a Talmudic principle that “in a place where are no men, be a man” - meaning, you’re not obligated to drop a mitzvah in order to do another mitzvah. However, a “hasidic” person might do so if you are the only one who can do it.
But Baltimore has no shortage of rabbis. When I get such a call, I have to decide: am I really needed for this extra-curricular non-compensated mitzvah, or is it going to over-fill my cup?
In other words, I had to decide: Do I have enough water in my canteen to share?
That takes us back to the story. What did you decide?
In the Talmud’s version of this dilemma, Rabbi Potiri opines that you should share the water, because it’s better that neither of you should live to witness the other’s demise. But Rabbi Akiva responded that the mitzvah of helping others is so that they should “live with you” - meaning your own life comes first.
This is the old airplane rule of “secure your own mask before that of your child.” Successful parents make sure that they have their own heads on straight before trying to fix their kids. Make sure your basic emotional and physical needs are taken care of, and you will then be equipped to help others. (But make sure you do take that next step!)
Shabbat Shalom.
Upcoming speaking schedule:
May 20 – New York: “Ghosts, Demons and Necromancy” - Hineni Center, hineni.org
June 12 – Mill Valley: “Why Do Bad Things Really Happen?”
June 13 – San Francisco: “Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism: Hidden Connections”
June 15-16 – San Francisco: Shabbat Scholar-in-Residence
Late June – Philadelphia (TBA)
(For details, send an email)
Yiddish of the week:
Gavaltig — wonderful
Oy gavalt — how wonderful (sarcastic)
Yiddish review - how many do you know?
anee — poor person
koptsen — panhandler
ballaboss — homeowner; layman
nu — various meanings (see archives)
mishpocha — family
mameh — mother
tateh — father
mazal – (MAH-z’l) luck or fortune, as in, “It was good mazal that....”
beshert – (b’shairt) - meant to be, as in “It was beshert that...”
mine eltern – my parents
mine lair-er – my teacher
hamantashen – Haman-pockets
zeigezunt – all the best (said upon parting)
kesher - connection
Ikh volt veln a kave, zayt azoy gut. - I'd like a coffee, please.
...kave mit shmant. – ...a coffee with cream.
...kave mit milkh. – ...a coffee with milk.
...kave mit tsuker. - ...a coffee with sugar.
Di Fir Kashes - The Four Questions
Oy vey! - Good grief!
mensch — a decent person
rachmanos — mercy
neshoma (neh-SHOH-ma) — soul
minig — custom, as in, "Why do you do that?" "It's my minig!"
Friday, May 04, 2007
Mission Talk
This week’s Table Talk is dedicated to Yiddel ben Fruma for a speedy recovery.
To dedicate a future Table Talk, please send an email.
A little news
Last week Vladimir Putin slung mud at those Russians who are searching for a “national idea”. He admitted that “this is not a useless or uninteresting occupation, but we could engage in it forever. Let's not start debates on it today.”
Steven R. Covey’s must-read for anyone with a family, Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, suggests that every family should have a mission statement.
How do you do this? Well, you actually sit around the table and talk to each other and come up with one. And then you meet again and revise it. And keep revising it.
After Putin’s address last week, I was wondering if Covey should write, Seven Habits of Highly Effective Countries. America has a mission statement. Like it or not, most Americans if you ask them will say something about freedom, democracy, prosperity. The Soviet Union had a mission statement. Nazi Germany (may it be forgotten) had a mission statement. Effective people and groups of people set goals.
Question for your table: What’s your mission statement? What’s our mission statement?
A personal story
Yoseph, our “Baltimore baby” had his first haircut recently. We waited until his third birthday. This is a Hasidic custom that for some reason we observed. We are not Hasidic, but somehow the custom resonates with us.
Three years old is about the age a child is able to comprehend the most basic elements of learning, namely the alphabet. So we took Yoseph to a couple local rabbis to give him a blessing and cut off a lock of his hair, then back home gave him his first haircut and cookies cut in the shape of Hebrew letters, so that his first experience of learning should be sweet. Then he got the prize of prizes, a visit to the big-boy’s school, the mysterious “cheder” where his big brother goes every day.
Here are a few photos of the excitement.
BEFORE:
DURING:
AFTER:
Why three years?
There is an interesting mitzvah in the Torah: When you plant a tree, refrain from enjoying its fruit for three years. The mystics explain that this mitzvah creates the proper spiritual relationship to the fruit. If you start eating the fruit right away, you are a little over-eager. Practice self-discipline by delaying that enjoyment, and your enjoyment will become transcendent.
The Hasidic minig of waiting for three years to cut a child’s hair alludes to the tree. The “fruit” of a person is their wisdom and good deeds, and these begin to be meaningful to a child around three years. The haircut creates a rite of passage that helps the child feel the importance of his new abilities in these areas.
In every culture, rituals enhance the process of adolescence. Growing up can be hard – there are so many expectations and responsibilities. Rituals seem to help the transitions. We did the haircut because we feel that it helped our son form an internal sense of personal and collective mission.
Question for your table: What have been the most and least meaningful life-rituals of your life?
Shabbat Shalom.
PS – speaking of missions, JSL (the organization that supports this Table Talk) has been recently approved by two funding conduits. One is called Mission Fish and allows sellers on ebay.com to direct a portion of their proceeds to support our non-profit work. The other is the Jewish Federation of San Francisco, which has approved us for designated funding. If you sell on ebay or give to the JFSF, please keep us in mind.
Shabbat Shalom.
My upcoming speaking schedule:
May 20 – New York and New Jersey => please note corrected date
June 12-14 – San Francisco area classes
June 15-16 – Shabbat Scholar-in-Residence, San Francisco
Late June – Philadelphia (TBA)
(For details, send an email.)
Yiddish of the week:
minig — custom, as in, “Is it your minig to sit or stand for kiddish?”
Yiddish review - how many do you know?
anee — poor person
koptsen — panhandler
ballaboss — homeowner; layman
nu — various meanings (see archives)
mishpocha — family
mameh — mother
tateh — father
mazal – (MAH-z’l) luck or fortune, as in, “It was good mazal that....”
beshert – (b’shairt) - meant to be, as in “It was beshert that...”
mine eltern – my parents
mine lair-er – my teacher
hamantashen – Haman-pockets
zeigezunt – all the best (said upon parting)
kesher - connection
Ikh volt veln a kave, zayt azoy gut. - I'd like a coffee, please.
...kave mit shmant. – ...a coffee with cream.
...kave mit milkh. – ...a coffee with milk.
...kave mit tsuker. - ...a coffee with sugar.
Di Fir Kashes - The Four Questions
Oy vey! - Good grief!
mensch — a decent person
rachmanos — mercy
neshoma (neh-SHOH-ma) — soul
To dedicate a future Table Talk, please send an email.
A little news
Last week Vladimir Putin slung mud at those Russians who are searching for a “national idea”. He admitted that “this is not a useless or uninteresting occupation, but we could engage in it forever. Let's not start debates on it today.”
Steven R. Covey’s must-read for anyone with a family, Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, suggests that every family should have a mission statement.
How do you do this? Well, you actually sit around the table and talk to each other and come up with one. And then you meet again and revise it. And keep revising it.
After Putin’s address last week, I was wondering if Covey should write, Seven Habits of Highly Effective Countries. America has a mission statement. Like it or not, most Americans if you ask them will say something about freedom, democracy, prosperity. The Soviet Union had a mission statement. Nazi Germany (may it be forgotten) had a mission statement. Effective people and groups of people set goals.
Question for your table: What’s your mission statement? What’s our mission statement?
A personal story
Yoseph, our “Baltimore baby” had his first haircut recently. We waited until his third birthday. This is a Hasidic custom that for some reason we observed. We are not Hasidic, but somehow the custom resonates with us.
Three years old is about the age a child is able to comprehend the most basic elements of learning, namely the alphabet. So we took Yoseph to a couple local rabbis to give him a blessing and cut off a lock of his hair, then back home gave him his first haircut and cookies cut in the shape of Hebrew letters, so that his first experience of learning should be sweet. Then he got the prize of prizes, a visit to the big-boy’s school, the mysterious “cheder” where his big brother goes every day.
Here are a few photos of the excitement.
BEFORE:
DURING:
AFTER:
Why three years?
There is an interesting mitzvah in the Torah: When you plant a tree, refrain from enjoying its fruit for three years. The mystics explain that this mitzvah creates the proper spiritual relationship to the fruit. If you start eating the fruit right away, you are a little over-eager. Practice self-discipline by delaying that enjoyment, and your enjoyment will become transcendent.
The Hasidic minig of waiting for three years to cut a child’s hair alludes to the tree. The “fruit” of a person is their wisdom and good deeds, and these begin to be meaningful to a child around three years. The haircut creates a rite of passage that helps the child feel the importance of his new abilities in these areas.
In every culture, rituals enhance the process of adolescence. Growing up can be hard – there are so many expectations and responsibilities. Rituals seem to help the transitions. We did the haircut because we feel that it helped our son form an internal sense of personal and collective mission.
Question for your table: What have been the most and least meaningful life-rituals of your life?
Shabbat Shalom.
PS – speaking of missions, JSL (the organization that supports this Table Talk) has been recently approved by two funding conduits. One is called Mission Fish and allows sellers on ebay.com to direct a portion of their proceeds to support our non-profit work. The other is the Jewish Federation of San Francisco, which has approved us for designated funding. If you sell on ebay or give to the JFSF, please keep us in mind.
Shabbat Shalom.
My upcoming speaking schedule:
May 20 – New York and New Jersey => please note corrected date
June 12-14 – San Francisco area classes
June 15-16 – Shabbat Scholar-in-Residence, San Francisco
Late June – Philadelphia (TBA)
(For details, send an email.)
Yiddish of the week:
minig — custom, as in, “Is it your minig to sit or stand for kiddish?”
Yiddish review - how many do you know?
anee — poor person
koptsen — panhandler
ballaboss — homeowner; layman
nu — various meanings (see archives)
mishpocha — family
mameh — mother
tateh — father
mazal – (MAH-z’l) luck or fortune, as in, “It was good mazal that....”
beshert – (b’shairt) - meant to be, as in “It was beshert that...”
mine eltern – my parents
mine lair-er – my teacher
hamantashen – Haman-pockets
zeigezunt – all the best (said upon parting)
kesher - connection
Ikh volt veln a kave, zayt azoy gut. - I'd like a coffee, please.
...kave mit shmant. – ...a coffee with cream.
...kave mit milkh. – ...a coffee with milk.
...kave mit tsuker. - ...a coffee with sugar.
Di Fir Kashes - The Four Questions
Oy vey! - Good grief!
mensch — a decent person
rachmanos — mercy
neshoma (neh-SHOH-ma) — soul
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