I know someone who wanted to kick the habit of complaining. What did he do?
Every day, he updated a line in his email signature:
"___ days of no complaining."
That's called accountability.
And it suggests a couple questions for your Shabbat table:
1. Would that system work for you?
2. Would that system work for changing other habits? How about eating habits?
3. What's wrong with complaining anyhow?
Regarding the latter question, it seems to me that most complaining is un-constructive (at best):
"It's boiling outside!"
"It's freezing outside!"
"This company has the worst customer service!"
And so on.
And those are benign examples. It can be worse:
"You're always late."
"You're so messy."
"You're a neat-freak."
It seems to me that complaining is like finger cracking—it's a habit that relieves some tension for the person doing the complaining but annoys everyone else.
(It also seems to me that there is a difference between a complaint and a request. Asking for something to be different is not the same as merely complaining about it—even if the complaint is intended to provoke change. What do you think?)
So this is a question for all complainers out there (which may be any one of us at any given time): What's more important, is releasing your tension by complaining worth it even if it brings everyone else down? Is there any other way a person could cultivate to release that tension?
Expert hack: If you feel an urge to complain, go ahead and let it out, but then add something positive. For instance: "The store was packed today... but I found everything on my list!"
Shabbat Shalom
