The purpose of this blog is to add some YK prep to the Shabbat Table. Please print and share... Happy Anniversary to Kyle and Shelli and Happy Birthday shout-out to Anita! You are all inspirations!
Announcement: During these Days of Awe, when we are trying to elevate ourselves, one of the most basic ways to do so is to give extra tzedaka. My new book, Body and Soul: A Torah Guide to Health, Fitness, and Longevity, Medically-Annotated is nearly complete and like most Jewish books, there are opportunities to help bring it to press (3 publishers have made offers, and now we need to raise certain publishing expenses). If you would like to pledge a dedication in someone's honor or memory to be printed in the book, please send an email to dedications@jsli.org for instructions and may the merit of your contribution uplift them and the Jewish People and the world. Eight years in the making, this collaboration of Torah scholars, doctors and dietitians will, we hope, change the way we relate to our bodies and to food.
Question for your table:
Is Yom Kippur - just a couple days away - a(n):
A) Test B) Ritual C) Holy day D) Opportunity E) All of the above?
It seems to me that Yom Kippur is an opportunity to reach a new level of self mastery over:
Eating is our most primal urge. Giving up food and water for 25 hours is a message to myself: "Hey body, I'm in control of you, you're not in control of me!"
That's a metaphor for any area of self-mastery.
If I know I have a bit of an anger problem, I can say, just like I'm giving up food and water for 25 hours, I'm going to give up anger for 25 hours. Or frustration, worry, anxiety etc.
Doesn't mean that I can maintain that abstinence for longer, but it's a chance to cleanse myself. 25 hours of abstinence from that trait that I know I should really conquer.
Then, when YK is over, maybe I'll be a little bit better at it in the long-run.
Question for your table: How can a person turn Yom Kippur clarity into long-term change?
(Hint: think 30-day plan)
Wishing you a happy - yes happy - Yom Kippur. Happy because you're going to cleanse yourself of that one trait that is most holding you back in life.
Shabbat Shalom
PS for a list of common negative traits for self-reflection, send me an email.
When I was a teenager, I loved the speed you could get on a bike whizzing down steep hills.
At some point my grandfather realized I was old enough to ride my bike safely around town and would occasionally send me to the fish store to buy him a bag of kippered salmon.
Now, if you're Jewish, it's probably a good bet that you eat salmon (in one form or another). Question for your table: What color is sockeye salmon?
Now "copper" in Old English is "cypera". This word became "kipper".
Therefore, when you split open a fish of any sort - let's say herring - and salt it and smoke it, giving it a reddish color, you are kippering it.
So you can imagine my confusion when my grandfather asked me to pick him up some kippered salmon. That's like asking for salmoned salmon. But he assured me that if I asked the fishmonger for kippered salmon, he'd know what I meant.
He was right.
Now that I'm older and wiser, I'm no longer confused. That's what etymologies can do for you.
But we never ate the fish head. This made a great deal of sense to me at the time, but today it confuses me.
Because one of the traditional foods for the Rosh Hashana table (along with apples and honey) is a fish head.
Dip the apple in the honey and say, "May we have a sweet and healthy year!"
Take a bite of the fish head and say, "May we be heads and not tails!"
Cute.
But what of all those discarded fish tails? (Not to mention the discarded fish tales?)
Just like tashlich and the scapegoat, we toss them away (or feed them to the cat?), a symbol of the old self we're trying to shed, like ol' Dr. Konigswasser stepping out of his skin.
Now, here's the clincher question for your table: the salmon somehow knows exactly what it wants to transform itself into. But we - how are we supposed to know?
Wishing you and yours a happy and holy Yom Kippur (when is it again?).
Shabbat Shalom
May you be sealed in the Book of Life.
PS - If you didn't get my Questions to Think About From Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur, reply to this email to request. PPS - Yes, the above image is clickable. PPPS - There is an ancient tradition of increasing one's tzeddaka during these Days of Awe. To support this blog and other JSLI projects, click here.
The purpose of this blog is to bring some clarity to the Shabbat pre- or post-Yom Kippur table. Please like it, tweet it, forward it or .... print and share?
Happy New Year!
On Wednesday I took my car for its state emissions testing.
There was a rather simple notice at the testing station:
The VEIP will be
closed
on Saturday
September 30
State holiday
I could not think of a state holiday that occurred between Labor Day and Columbus Day.
A quick check of the state website shows my memory to be correct.
But the attendant, Roger, is of the opinion that it is in honor of Yom Kippur.
How do you feel about that? I asked him.
Pretty happy! he said.
You're welcome! I said.
Roger smiled.
So the Day of Atonement brought you, me and Roger together, momentarily.
Is that the meaning of atonement?
Try sharing this week's title with your pre- or post-YK table and ask
them if they believe that this indeed the etymology of atonement. Or is
it just meant to be clever or cute?
After you take a vote, let them know that...
In fact, it's the actual etymology.
Maybe I should just stop there, say "Good Yom Kippur" and sign off.
But let's take this a little deeper.
Next question for your table: What does atonement have to do with being "at one"?
And after they answer that, try this: Is there any sin or crime that is so terrible that atonement is impossible?
Michelle
Jones was released last month after serving more than two decades in an
Indiana prison for the murder of her 4-year-old son. The very next day,
she arrived at New York University, a promising Ph.D. student in
American studies.
In
a breathtaking feat of rehabilitation, Ms. Jones, now 45, became a
published scholar of American history while behind bars, and presented
her work by videoconference to historians’ conclaves and the Indiana
General Assembly. With no internet access and a prison library that
hewed toward romance novels, she led a team of inmates that pored
through reams of photocopied documents from the Indiana State Archives
to produce the Indiana Historical Society’s best research project last
year. As prisoner No. 970554, Ms. Jones also wrote several dance
compositions and historical plays, one of which is slated to open at an
Indianapolis theater in December.
N.Y.U.
was one of several top schools that recruited her for their doctoral
programs. She was also among 18 selected from more than 300 applicants
to Harvard University’s history program. But in a rare override of a
department’s authority to choose its graduate students, Harvard’s top
brass overturned Ms. Jones’s admission after some professors raised
concerns that she played down her crime in the application process.
While
anyone with even half a heart would be highly sympathetic to Ms. Jones -
and rooting for her - is it possible Harvard got it right?
Chag Sameach - a good Yom Kippur to you and yours
PS - Quick YK primer:
It is customary to increase 3 things from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur:
Tefila - prayer. That's the one . Teshuva - regretting and fixing. Saying I'm sorry to everyone
whom you have possibly hurt, including hurting their feelings. When in
doubt, apologize. Yes, Colbert got it right, even over the phone. Tzedaka - increasing one's tzeddaka between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur.
If you would like to make a tax-deductible tzeddaka donation to support this weekly email among our other programs, please visit jsli.org/donate.
Become a JSL supporter - or renew your support - and know that you are
helping us foster a paradigm-shift in Jewish education around the world.
The goal of this blog is to increase the SF at the Friday night dinner table. Please share.
Thank you to all who responded generously to last week's 36¢ challenge!
First question for your table: Do you enjoy Yom Kippur?
I love Yom Kippur.
It's the one day a year I get a real chance just to sit and think.
No one expects you to be anywhere. You can find yourself a quiet meditative spot and think.
But thinking is hard. So I take a break every year and head over to the assisted living facility to lead a Yizkor service.
In there you have the most interesting, diverse and interested group of
people. Interesting, because they have all lived long lives. Diverse,
because they are a random selection of the community. Interested,
because their lives are pretty monotonous, and they love visitors.
I saw some old friends (some of whom remembered me) and met some new ones.
My daughter Tehila joined me. She helped me distribute the Yizkor sheets and she helped me tell the story of Jonah.
Yizkor, I reminded them, is a way we remember our loved ones who have
passed away. It's a very simple prayer, in a nutshell: "May the Almighty
remember _____, in whose merit I pledge to give tzedaka."
Sometimes when we think of such loved ones, we wonder, "Why?"
Why did they die? Why not me?
If you're stuck in an assisted living facility because you are
mobility-challenged, you might even wonder why God is punishing you.
So I told them, if you are alive today, it is because you still have
work to do. What work could you possibly do when you can hardly get
yourself dressed in the morning?
Maybe it's something as simple as smiling.
If you want to leave a legacy, just keep in mind that chances are, a hundred years from now, no one, not even your descendants, will remember your name, let alone anything you did (no, digital storage won't help).
Therefore, your greatest legacy is going to be how you can affect people right here, right now.
I'm talking about the littlest things - like smiling at someone, which cascades like dominoes to.
Or pay someone a compliment. You just made their day.
Here's a New Year's resolution, for those who haven't made one yet:
Every day for 2 weeks, get five people to smile.
Second question for your table: Think you can do it?
Shabbat Shalom and Happy Sukkot
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."(Churchill)
(Sorry to use the same quote twice in a row, it is just that good.)
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The answer, according to the Rambam, is.... do more. If you are ordinarily not particularly friendly.... try to be friendly.
If you are ordinarily friendly.... be more friendly.
If you ordinarily are not particularly careful about what you say.... be careful.
If you ordinarily are careful about what you say.... be more careful.
If you ordinarily don't give tzedakah generously.... give tzedakah generously.
And if you are ordinarily generous.... now be more generous.
Once or twice a year I remind you that this blog is a project of a
non-profit organization that is doing ambitious, creative work for the
betterment of the Jewish People and humanity (like this, and this, and this, not to mention this and this and this.)
Our operating budget is funded mainly by people like you. If you find
this email occasionally uplifting, thought-provoking, discussion
provoking, educational or even amusing, please consider an $18 donation
for the New Year. (http://jsli.org/donate/)
Doing so sends the message that this blog is worth at least 36¢ a week to you.
Is it?
A final question for your table:
If a person is normally a tzaddik - is it possible for them to become a greatertzaddik?
We have one week to practice being a greater tzaddik until the big soul-scrub next Tuesday night.
Wishing you a Shabbat Shalom and a happy Yom Kippur.
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."(Churchill)
In
memory of Ronald Fischman, 54, was stabbed to death in his Philadelphia
home last week by a man he had tried to help. He was described by his
rabbi as "one of the most compassionate people I know - he had an
enormous heart."
(To dedicate a future Table Talk, send an email.)
Today's title is a serious question - How do you pronounce the word "roof"?
Where I grew up, the top of your house was pronounced "ruf" (rhymes with book) and the horse's foot a "huf".
Then I moved to Mississippi. Down there folks say "reeuf" (sounds better in a phrase, like "cat on a hot tin reeuf").
Then my Mississippi buddy and I drove across the country in his pickup. His name is Billy Joe. I am not making this up.
When we got to California, we happened to arrive in time for my cousins
wedding. He didn't want to stay for the whole wedding of distant cousins
of mine that I myself hardly knew. But he stayed for the ceremony and
reception.
Upon departure, BJ made this observation:
"That wan't no wedding."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm telling you, that wan't no wedding. There ain't no wedding cake!"
Q: Why the intentional misspelling of Yom Kippur in today's title?
A: To give you a question for your pre-Yom Kippur dinner table, of course.
The first question for your table is:
Today Rabbi Seinfeld intentionally spelled Yom Kippur K-P-P-U-R. Why do you think he spelled it that
way?
Let them guess, then tell them:
Obviously, he spelled it without the "i" to remind us that ego is the root of all evil.
Think about it:
— This is not going the way I want it, therefore I'm getting angry.
— I want that object, therefore I'm stealing it.
— I don't understand God, therefore God cannot exist. — I don't feel like smiling, so I'm not going to smile.
Last week, I mentioned the Talmudic warning that news about knife-violence (think ISIS, think White House) and plagues (don't be scared but do be informed) (and this) is a wake up call to increase Torah and giving tzedaka (see PS on this below).
The problem with that message is that it's far too easy to pass the buck
— "Let someone else learn Torah, let someone else give tzedaka! I'm too
busy!"
This week, the message is less dodgeable: How are you going to change for the better this year?
Rosh Hashana is about dreams. Yom Kippur is about reality: Where are you
falling short? What are you going to do about it? Actually do? For instance, practically everyone says, "I'm going to try to get more exercise."
Don't fall into this trap.
Rather
say, "I'm going to take a 10 minute walk every day for a month."
It's got to be real, concrete and realistic. It has to be measurable.
And obviously, it should be a change that will make you a better person.
Use my Yom Kippur Prep Worksheet
and narrow your resolutions down to one or two. Then, at the end of the
big fast, right at sunset, when you're beyond the pain of hunger make
that specific commitment.
May you and your family be sealed in the Book of Life, health, happiness and peace in 5775.
Have a sweet and successful year.
Happy Yom Kippur
PS - Thanks to all those who sent contributions last week of all sizes
to help keep this Table Talk and other JSL projects going. For those who would
like to get on this particularly meaningful bandwagon, this week we are
offering two great downloads to thank you for your one-time or monthly donation to support JSL's teaching of Torah wisdom: 1. 25 Questions to Think About From Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur (2014 edition) (sample) 2. Yom Kippur Prep Worksheet (2014 edition) (sample)
Here's the link to learn more about JSL: jsli.org.
Here's the donation link: jsli.org/donate.
Please create or renew your partnership now so we can get you these materials in time for Yom Kippur.
Like this message? How about putting your mouse where your mouth is: Like it, tweet it, or just sent it to someone who might enjoy it.
Dedicated to the memory of Chana Leah (Jaqueline) Meyeri of San Francisco, who passed away this week after a long battle with breast cancer. May her husband, daughter and extended family be comforted.
The purpose of this email is to change your life on Yom Kippur and beyond. Please print and share.
A riddle for your Yom Kippur table:
When is something small something big?
See how many answers you can come up with. I'll give you two, one is a story and the other is a Yom Kippur idea.
The story is something happened to me in San Francisco this week. When
I went to get the rental car, the "midsized" cars were all gone. Never
mind that when I paid for the car at the counter they forgot to mention
that all they had were Fiat Minis.
The couple in front of me were not pleased.
They squinted in the bright September sunlight, surveying the lot.
"You don't have anything else, only Fiats?"
"Well, sir, we do have that Mustang over there which I could give you."
His face lit up. "Would there be an extra charge?"
"No, sir, I will give you the same price."
"That'll work!" All three were quite pleased - the couple and the agent.
But yours, truly, I'm thinking to myself, "Too bad I wasn't here a
minute earlier, I could've had that Mustang. That would have been fun to
drive."
The other travelers who didn't get the Mustang were not so pleased.
Some of them even decided to wait for a larger car rather than drive the
dreaded Fiat!
In the end, I was very fortunate that I didn't have the Mustang or any larger car.
But there are two things the Fiat story can teach us:
1. Things really do happen for good reasons. Even though we don’t always see that right away.
2. Small is big. When you need to park in SF, small is huge.
When you want to change yourself, a big commitment is worthless because
you won’t be able to keep it, but a small step is a huge stride.
On Yom Kippur, after you finish counting all of your flaws, don’t
promise yourself you’ll now be perfect. But DO commit to making one
small change towards that new you. For example:
“I hereby commit to exercising once a week until Channuka.”
“…to eating no cookies for the month of October.”
“…to drinking no alcohol for 1 week.”
“….to smiling at my wife once a day for two weeks.”
“…to hugging my husband once a day until Thanksgiving.”
“…to pausing to say ‘Wow, thank You” every time I drink a glass of water for 4 weeks.”
“…to turning off the cell phone from 6-8 pm for 6 weeks.”
“…to turning off the TV and Internet every Friday night for 4 weeks.”
“…to giving 10 percent of my September income to tzedaka.”
Think about it. Plan it. Make the declaration out loud at sunset on Saturday, just before the end of Yom Kippur.
Then do it.
Someone in San Francisco asked me yesterday, “What if we don’t succeed?”
Answer: Not an option!
If you can even think that you might not succeed, then you are not committed, or you are over-reaching. Gotta be real, and gotta be 100% committed.
Now you know my answer to the riddle, When is something small something big?
When it's real.
May we all be sealed for life and peace, health and wealth, holiness and simcha; a zero
inbox, easy parking, and a small but very real change for the better.
Shabbat Shalom and Happy Yom Kippur
PS – Sukkot is next week and our recommended books and supplies, including the no-tools-snap-together Sukka, are at bestjewishkidsbooks.com.
PPS: At this time of year, many people try to give extra tzedaka. If you're that type, please help aleviate hunger or support Jewish education.
This blog is supported exclusively by tax-deductible contributions from
readers like you. This is one of two times each year we invite you to
become a paid subscriber. Nothing is free, so if you're not a supporter,
someone else is paying for you to enjoy this. If it's worth a nickel to
you or more, please do the math and click here. It only takes a minute or so and any amount helps.
In honor of Kyle and Shelli's anniversary. Mazal tov .... may you break many fasts together!
1. Please download our new fall bulletin by clicking here. (On the first page there is a New Year's challenge and on the second page a "secret" challenge....)
2. Please enjoy this video of Yom Kippur inspiration:
PS - Today's
your last chance to benefit from this year's Rosh Hashana - Yom Kippur
prep class. To hear the audio and get the handouts, including the new
"24 Questions to Think About from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur", click here.
The purpose of this blog is to provide something creative for Shabbat table conversation. Please print and share.
So on Rosh Hashana morning it's a little drizzly and I throw on my light raincoat.
These
new men's raincoats have become all the rage in Baltimore. Lightweight
and inexpensive. They won't keep you warm, but they will keep you dry.
As long as it doesn't rain too hard.
And you can have them in any color you want!
So long as it's black.
But
you know, regardless of whether or not my coat is hung in a sea of
look-alikes, I don't like to have to go searching for my coat. So I
developed a system to find my coat extremely quickly.
I turn the hanger around, hooking it on backwards.
(Hopefully
no one in Baltimore is reading this, because if the word gets out,
everyone's going to do this, and then it won't work anymore.)
Well, actually, on Rosh Hashana this year, my foolproof system failed me for the first time in years.
Unbeknownst to moi, someone (whom I know) had hung his nearly identical black raincoat right beside mine, also with the hanger turned around.
You know where this is going. When Rosh Hashana services are over, I take the coat from the reversed hanger. I.e., his coat.
Later
in the day, towards evening, I decide to go to a different synagogue
for the afternoon service. Again, a light drizzle, throw on the coat.
This
time I notice that it isn't quite fitting me right but it isn't wrong
enough for me to pay attention. I am in a hurry after all.
I get
to this other synagogue and opt for the hooks instead of the hangers.
Doesn't really matter, there aren't so many coats and besides, my name
is in it, right?
The problem is, when I'm fixing to go home, I go for my coat and where I expect to find it, I find this other fellow's.
"Oh
no," I'm thinking. He must have taken my coat by mistake. I could just
take his to him, but what if he's already realized his error and is en
route here to swap them?
So I leave it, and when I get home, I phone him up.
"Did you happen to be in such-and-such a shul tonight?"
But he's quicker-witted than I am.
"No, why is my coat there? Because I saw your coat in the other shul this morning where mine should have been."
Notice how I didn't accuse him of taking my coat.
But nor did I assume from the beginning that the error was mine!
"By the way," he added, "didn't you notice that it was a little big on you?" (he is about 50 pounds heavier than I).
"Well it wasn't raining, so I slung it over my arm."
"Oh, well that explains it."
You
see, he had also stumbled, thinking for a moment that I must have been
preposterously absent-minded not to notice that I had the wrong coat.
How
many times has this happened to you, when you saw an error that you
committed and assumed someone else had done it? (that's the weekly
question, by the way)
Last week I challenged you to choose one
character trait to change this year. It could be jumping to conclusions.
It could be a short temper. It could be complaining. Or perhaps
laziness. Maybe too much criticizing.
The trick to making it happen on Yom Kippur is:
1.
Really regret it. Contemplate the damage you've done, or the
opportunities lost, due to this trait. Let yourself feel bad about this,
for a few moments.
2. Apologize if needed.
3. Commit to not doing
it again - just this one trait. But if you're truly committed, you'll
have a plan of how to eradicate it, such as reading a self-help book, or
practicing meditation, etc. Without a concrete plan, you're paying
lip-service but you're not real. Make it your mission, with daily
practice, to conquer this trait before next Rosh Hashana.
We all
share these bad habits to a greater or lesser degree. In this sense,
they're like the ubiquitous, monotonous, homogeneous black rain coats. We've put on the homogenized raincoat of our socialization.
But to conquer one bad habit - even a small one - is so
rare, that doing so is like wearing a new custom-made coat. Do this and
there won't be any chance of mistaking it for someone else's. This is the path to revealing the real you beneath the socialized façade.
Wishing you a Shana Tova
and a
Shabbat Shalom
PS - This
year's High Holidays prep class is a short 45 minutes. To hear the
audio and get the handouts, including the new "24 Questions to Think
About from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur", click here.
The purpose of this email is to provide something different for Shabbat table conversation. Please print and share.
Note - This
year's High Holidays prep class is a short 45 minutes. To hear the
audio and get the handouts, including the new "24 Questions to Think
About from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur", click here.
Last
week, I promised some thoughts about how to use the High Holidays to
make an incremental but real change in yourself so that 20 years from
now people who haven't seen you every day will do a double take.
I'll give you one simple thought, and one simple, true story that I think sum up what Rosh Hashana is all about.
The thought:
The main theme of Rosh Hashana is once a year to stand up and justify why you deseve another year of life.
Whether
you are a true believer or agnostic or even atheist, the exercise of
justifying your own existence is pretty powerful stuff.
What do you hope to accomplish in the next year that justifies your continued existence?
And your answer doesn't have to be earth-shaking.
It
could be as humble as, "If I can live another year, I want to conquer
my complaining. I want to become a person who appreciates everything
that I have! A happier person!"
The rabbis teach that if I person
could conquer even one negative character trait, that would not only
justify his/her own life, it would justify the existence of the entire
universe.
Think about it.
That's
Rosh Hashana. Try to do this on Monday/Tuesday next week, and then next
Friday I'll send a short email on how to actually achieve that change.
Hamilton tells in detail how the doping is/was done, not only by Armstrong, but by himself and practically every other cyclist.
Evidently
it became so pervasive and the peer pressure so great that if you
didn't dope, you might as well not compete. Here are Hamilton's own
words:
“I think everybody who wants to judge dopers should think
about it, just for a second. You spend your life working to get to the
brink of success, and then you are given a choice: either join in or
quit and go home. What would you do?”
I'll leave you, dear reader, with Hamilton's question to field at your Shabbat and Rosh Hashana tables.
Wishing you and yours a sweet, healthy, happy, successful 5773!
May you be inscribed in the Book of Life.
Shabbat Shalom and l'Shana Tova
PS - This
year's High Holidays prep class is a short 45 minutes. To hear the
audio and get the handouts, including the new "24 Questions to Think
About from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur", click here.
A couple days ago, I was showing someone in San Francisco JSL's newest
(top secret) project. He liked the project, but out of the blue asked me
the following question:
Why do you do what you do?
My
answer is simple: I get to speak with (or communicate in writing with)
highly intelligent people about interesting, meaningful things - greatest job in the world.
So here's one such topic for your Shabbat table that we discussed in San Francisco. It begins with a question:
Have you ever gone back to a town, maybe your hometown, after having been gone for a long time? What was it like?
Probably you were amazed by all the changes.
Similar question (for adults): Did you ever see someone as an adult that you'd last seen as a child? What was it like?
Why
is it so amazing to see these changes after big gaps of time, but for
the town we live in, or the children we see every day, the changes are
not so amazing?
I'm sure you'll get various answers to this
question and there is no need for me to add my 2-bits. But if you care
to hear it, here's my take:
When we see a person or a place every
day, the changes are so small and incremental that we hardly notice
them, and then we grow accustomed to them and gradually forget how they
used to be, how the town used to look.
One building built here, one facade changed there. Slowly, slowly.
But then there's the second question for your table:
Have
you ever seen someone after 10 or 20 years or more, and they didn't
seem to have changed at all? Same personality, same bad jokes, you know
what I mean?
The purpose of this life is to grow and to change (for the better). The third and forth questions for your table are:
-
Do you want to be the same person 20 years from now that you are today,
or do you want to be greater? More caring, more patient, more
disciplined, more honest....?
- If so, how are you going to get there?
Next
week, the final email before Rosh Hashana, I'll send some thoughts
about how to use the High Holidays to make an incremental but real
change in your life (in yourself) so that 20 years from now people who
haven't seen you every day will do a double take.
Hard not to comment on all the big stories of the week. I've decided to save the great material from the Nobel prizes for future Table Talks.
“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me … Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful… that’s what matters to me.” — Steve Jobs (The Wall Street Journal, May 25, 1993)
As as user of Apple computers since 1984 (even in the 90s to the derision of most of our friends), it's tempting to write about Steve Jobs. We loved him because he spoke truth.
I don't mean his speeches or interviews. Frankly, I don't pay attention to those things.
He spoke truth through his actions. He declared that a "good" is a four-letter word! A person should strive for great. He stated that computers could make work more fun. He asserted that everyone, even the visually, physically or mentally impaired, should have access to the new technologies.
But these values didn’t make him a guru. What made him a guru were 4 pillar beliefs:
Truth at all costs, even when the rest of the world tells you you’re wron
how you travel matters as much as getting there
aesthetics matter
create for the sake of the creation, not the money
I know what you're thinking: How does all this tie into Yom Kippur?
I am going to try to explain why we fast on Yom Kippur. I will do so with a personal story, and then try to tie it back to the quote above.
My story actually begins last winter, when I decided it was time to listen to the voice in my head that kept saying, "You should get your body back into shape!"
There is so much great wisdom available on mp3, it seemed to me a great excuse to get on the treadmill. Just like I wasn't taking hte time to get exercise, I wasn't making the time to listen to all those hours of Torah audio that I'd downloaded.
Anyway, in late January I was able to jog/run a mile in about 11 minutes, 10 minutes if I really pushed myself.
After a mile, that was plenty.
Funny thing happened, over time I found myself able to go faster and farther.
By September, my record mile was 7:15. That was after a 1-mile jogging warmup, then starting at an 8 minute pace and then at .80 increasing the speed one notch for every 1/100 of a mile until the end.
But I never seemed to be able to go faster than 7:15. I figured that was just my body's physical limit.
About a month ago I started to wonder if a different strategy would produce different results.
Instead of jogging my 1-mile warm-up, I thought I should walk it and conserve energy.
Instead of sprinting at the end, I thought maybe I should try starting too fast, then slowing down at the end.
Instead of listening to an erudite discussion about Jewish ethics, I'd listen to Beethoven's 4th symphony.
So after the warm-up and stretch, I set the pace for a 6:30 mile, and figured that each 1/4 mile I'd slow it down a bit.
The first quarter wasn't bad (actually, it flew by pretty quickly!) and I realized that I could probably make it to .30 or .40 before slowing down. Then I soon realized I was going to make it to .50 without a major problem.
You can probably guess where this is going.
At .50, the way I felt, it suddenly occurred to me that I could keep the pace up, perhaps even to the end. It wasn't easy, but with concentration it was working.
At .75 I really wanted to slow down. Or should I say, my legs really wanted to slow down.
My legs started complaining, "Enough already, you've proven your point! Slow down already, and we'll make the 7-min goal easily."
But my heart said back to the legs, "Shut up and keep moving. We're going to blast this one out of the park!"
.90 and I could see the finish-line. I could see the tape. I was going to make it. It was taking every ounce of concentration to keep those legs from quitting on me.
Here's where things got difficult.
You see, at the Baltimore JCC, there is a special room that alternates between women-only and men-only.
At that exact moment, a staff member came in to tell me my time was up.
I tried to ignore him. Couldn't he see I was concentrating?
But all he saw was a guy lost in his headphones and going over time.
It was a battle of wits, his determination to get me off the treadmill versus my determination to run a mile in 6:30.
He won. He broke my concentration. 6:40.
I learned two lessons from that experience. Lessons that I already knew, but had forgotten.
1 - I'm not always performing at my highest level.
2 - A lot of what stops us from reaching a higher level is an internal block, rather than external circumstances.
This internal block, in my case, was the comfort of my body. My body didn't like running that fast. The real battle of wills wasn't between the staff member and me, it was between me and my body.
And that's why we fast on Yom Kippur. We fast in order to remind our bodies (and ourselves) who's really in charge.
We wander around all year acting like human beings trying to have spiritual experiences.
On Yom Kippur, late afternoon, after a day of fasting, near the finish line, we remember: Oh yeah, I'm really a spiritual being having a human experience.
That can't happen on a half-day fast, nor on a 3/4-day fast. Only after about 23 hours or so of denying your body the comforts of food and water can you really truly get it to shut up. Then you've won.
But what have you won?
If you were only fasting, the very least you've won is the knowledge that you are in control of your body and not the other way around.
If you were using Yom Kippur to reflect on your life and your mistakes of the past, then you've won a great deal more. You've conquered, temporarily, that one force in your life that always derails your attempts at greatness — your body and ego.
Isn't that a happy ending?
I promised I'd tie this back to Mr. Jobs.
Here's another quote:
“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” — Steve Jobs, [Stanford commencement speech, June 2005]
Happy Yom Kippur!!
PS - This new vid puts a similar spin on Yom Kippur:
PPS - Yes, 2 days later I tried again and hit 6:30. Now that I know I can do it, it doesn't seem like such a big deal.
Here we are, in the deepest part of the summer, when all we NHs (Northern Hemispherites) want to do is relax for a few minutes.
Keep your feet up. I don't want to spoil the moment.
But I'm going to make a radical proposal.
It begins with a story.
At my first summer job as a young adult there was a guy who invited everyone in the office to his "Xmas in July" party.
What made it Xmas-y was that everyone brought a present to give to a random person.
So instead of a bunch of people drinking beer together on a summer afternoon, it was a bunch of people drinking beer and exchanging presents on a summer afternoon.
As I grew older and wiser (after all, I did learn to drink wine instead of beer!) I have learned an ancient piece of Jewish wisdom that for some reason has little cache, even in the most traditional Jewish families and communities.
"Tu" is the number 15. Av is the month of Av, which corresponds to the constellation Leo, the lion.
This coming Sunday night will be the full moon of the lion. (Don't think it's a random coincidence that Apple released the "Lion" OS this month.)
Tu is spelled "tet-vav" which are the first two letters of "tov" (good). What is needed to turn "tu" into "tov"?
A: the letter "bet", which is...
- the number two, i.e., a relationship
- a house or home (bayit), i.e., harmony
I'm not inventing this. In ancient times, Tu B'Av was celebrated as a day of friendship and love, "the most joyous" holiday (Mishna Ta'anit 4:8).
What happened to it?
Well, you know, destruction, exile, a few holocausts....
But is time we brought it back?
You know how many people try to make amends with family, friends and adversaries before Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur?
Why wait until then? The most auspicious time to heal our relationships and this troubled world is this Sunday night through Monday.
Here is my challenge for you -
1. Try to make-nice this Tu B'Av with everyone you know.
2. Choose a Jewish single over 30 who hasn't yet found Mr. or Mrs. Right and make a commitment to help him or her get married in the next 12 months. Commit to making this goal a priority in your life.
3. Share to this blog to 15 ("tu") people. Let's start a viral campaign to renew Tu B'Av as a day of friendship and love and get a head start on the High Holidays.
"May you be inscribed and sealed for goodness."
Shabbat Shalom
PS - What better way to show someone you care than sending them the amazing Jewish iphone/ipad app? http://tinyurl.com/amazingcalendarlink
- PPS - Another way to show you care: print this blog and get a discussion going at your dinner table.
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PPPS - Our kids' books site now has great school supplies! Browse from the comfort of your home and support JSL while you shop. http://bestjewishkidsbooks.com
- PPPPS - Our friend Rabbi Tzvi has a funky new book! Show him you love him by getting it here.
Happy new year! Welcome to volume 5771 of Table Talk.
I have some really good news.
After 10 years of effort, the Hebrew edition of The Art of Amazement is now in print. I haven't actually put my hands on a copy yet, but 1,000 copies were sent out to teachers and organizations around the world, thanks to contributions and pledges from many readers of this blog. $9 enables me to put one book into the hands of one young Israeli and follow-up with him or her. Another shipment will hopefully go out soon, and hopefully we'll eventually fulfill the requests we have for 15,000 copies.
This week - three steps to feeling more human:
1. A timely update 2. An important addition 3. A child's plea for mercy
First, the update:
I gave a few Yom Kippur classes this week. In case you missed them, here are links to two handouts that I used - great Yom Kippur table talk for all ages:
Second, even if you were with me, here is something that I did not say.
Something that is arguably the #1 most important thing to do before Yom Kippur.
Something that has nothing to do with being "religious".
Something that has nothing to do with fasting, praying, yada yada yada.
This afternoon, try finding a moment and place of solitude, and saying aloud the following words:
"I hereby forgive anyone who has hurt me in any way in the past, whether it was intentional or unintentional, knowing or unknowing, negligent or unavoidable. (If they owe me money or an apology, they may still repay or apologize, but I am not going to harbor grudges or bad feelings.) Beginning right now, I am looking forward and not backward in all of my relationships."
Guaranteed to make you feel more human than you felt before you did it.
(What do you have to lose, besides your pride?)
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Finally, people sometimes ask me what's the best way for a non-religious person to do Yom Kippur? How about kids? Make them sit through a long service bored out of their minds?
Are you crazy?
If you are not inspired to sit in shul, PLEASE do not go to services just because “I’m supposed to.” That’s a great way to kill your soul.
If you have any influence over children, PLEASE do not drag them to services just because "I’m supposed to". That's a great way to kill their souls.
A better use of Yom Kippur: go visit an assisted living facility. Go see how your single/divorced/widowed neighbor is doing.
And if you are one of the pious ones who likes to be in shul, make sure to read the words of the Yom Kippur Haftara - this is exactly what the Prophet Isaiah is telling us to do.
Think about it.
Happy Yom Kippur
Yes, happy!
PS - there may not be an update the next 2 weeks because I'll be sitting in my Sukka.
PS – this inspired 104-second video is all about changing one’s perspective:
Sometimes, so many things happen, it’s hard to digest them.
Yom Kippur, earthquakes and tsunamis, births and deaths, and on and on.
There is this idea that the 6 days of the week – Sunday thru Friday – are “unified” on Friday night.
Meaning, each day has a different energy, a different wavelength, a different set of challenges and rewards.
On Friday night, these 6 units of time coalesce into a single unit, “the week”. The opportunity to let these 6 gel is called “Shabbat” or “Shabbos”, which literally means “stopping to run around and do things in order for all that you’ve done the past 6 days to be able to coalesce and be digested.”
So much has happened this week. So little has happened.
I don’t know about you, but I have a love-hate relationship with NPR. They have had some stories that have been so anti-Israel it makes some people think of them as “national Palestine radio”. But mostly they have some real gems.
Here are two stories from this week that I wanted to share with you.
The first is about Jennie Litvak, who learned to play trumpet from Dizzy Gilespie, and now plays shofar: Click here.
The second is my brother’s story this morning, on health care co-ops: Here.
Here’s the question for your table: Can you remember one thing you worked on or accomplished each day this week?
Shabbat Shalom and Happy Sukkot
PS - This US Army broadcast from Nazi Germany stirs the soul:
“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” - Churchill
I know of several people who are terribly ill right now. This week’s TT is dedicated to them all. Please consider printing this page to share at the dinner table tonight.
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There is this story, it’s a little hard to believe it’s true, but still a good story for the season….
So this couple are going on vacation to Florida. George and Louise. Only Louise has a crisis at work and has to delay her trip by a day. George goes down as scheduled and that evening sends her a quick email from the hotel computer.
The problem is that in his haste, he mistyped her address. Instead of louise42@yahoo.com he wrote louise43@yahoo.com.
By an amazing coincidence, louise43 ALSO had a husband named George, who had passed away just the day before. When she received the email from a “George” she was shocked but when she read the email she fainted. Out cold.
His email read:
“My darling wife – Arrived safely, everything fine and prepared for your arrival tomorrow. xoxo George. PS – sure is hot down here!”
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Why is this a Rosh Hashana / Yom Kippur story?
Because it’s healthy for us to remind ourselves once a year that the end could be at any time. Literally. We all know people who passed away suddenly. Could happen to anyone.
Once a year, justify why you deserve another year of life.
The fasting on Yom Kippur is supposed to help us concentrate. Q for your table: How do you concentrate when you’re hungry?
My answer: you can’t, until about 5:00 or 6:00 p.m. At that point, you get beyond the huger and thirst. You transcend your body, as it were.
Then you can truly get in touch with that inner self that we call “soul.”
My recommendation, for a Yom Kippur that will really stick….The 1-2-3 method:
1, Get in the mood by saying “sorry” to everyone especially your family, forgiving everyone else, and giving tzedaka. (The idea of tzedaka is generosity. This includes, but is not limited to, giving money.)
2, Before Sunday night, identify a single personality trait that you know you could fix if you really tried – impatience, lateness, laziness, anger, jealousy, you know which one.
3, On YK afternoon, close to sunset, make a commitment to work on it for 5 minutes a day. That’s all it takes. But you have to put in the 5 minutes. That means really really really committing to it. Really.
Summary: 1: Apologies and tzedaka 2. ID the personality trait 3. Make the 5 min/day commitment. (you can email me for suggested readings)
If you want it, you can get it. But you have to really want it.
And how do you tell if you had a good Yom Kippur? By how you behave the next day.
It’s hard work. Really hard. But it’s the best way to break out of our shells and to start living on a higher plane.
Shabbat Shalom
PS -
“If Not Higher” is a classic Yiddish story by I L Peretz. Worth printing and sharing with anyone, young or old, who enjoys being inspired. Here’s the link.
Also includes an audio link there if you prefer to listen or download to your ipod.
Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential. - Churchill
Question for your table:
A riddle for your Yom Kippur table:
The New York Times this week 
