Hastier But Tastier

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As presented earlier this summer, your Table Talk is in summer L'Chaim mode.

The suggestion is this:

At some point during the Shabbat meal, pour everyone their favorite beverage for a l'chaim.

But ask them not to drink until after you finish the story. Make this a ritual every Friday night, and your family will look forward to it.


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L’Chaim Story
Parshat Ki Tavo

“The Hasty Meal”

Rabbi Yisrael of Salant believed very much that "love your neighbor" is the most essential idea in the Torah.

He was famous for teaching the details of this mitzvah through example.

One of his students once invited him for Shabbat.

Knowing how careful Rabbi Yisroel was in every detail of observance, and how reluctant he was to stay anywhere as a guest, the disciple described the way he ran his household.

"We buy our meat from Shlomo the butcher. Our cook is the widow of so-and-so who observes every stringency. And the meals are conducted properly, with divrei Torah and songs. It's no wonder that the Friday night meal in my home ends at a very late hour of the night!"

He obviously felt proud of his observance.

“I accept your invitation,” Rabbi Yisrael said, “but only on the condition that you shorten the length of the Friday night meal by two hours.”

Eager to host his rabbi, the disciple quickly agreed.

That Friday night, the Shabbat meal was rushed faster than that family had ever experienced it.

The courses followed each other rapidly, without the usual lengthy break in between.

There were divrei Torah, but they were short and sweet, not long drashas.

They sang Shabbat songs, but only a few, not the entire liturgy.

It felt as though hardly any time passed between washing their hands for the meal and passing the finger-bowl after dessert.

After they said the final blessing of "Birchat HaMazone" the disciple turned to Rabbi Yisrael and said quietly, “Forgive me, Rebbe, but I must ask a question. What fault dd Rebbe find in the way I conduct my Shabbos table, that led him to shorten the meal time by two hours?”

He seemed to ignore the question. Instead he said, "Please ask your cook to come in."

When she entered, Rabbi Yisroel said to her, “Would you please forgive me for making you tired this evening, and causing the courses to be served so quickly tonight.”

To the student’s surprise the cook said, “May the Rabbi be blessed with every blessing! If only he was a guest here every Shabbos! The meal always lasts far into the night, after a day I’ve spent working very hard to prepare everything. By the time the meal is over, I can hardly lift my feet from exhaustion. But tonight, because you finished the meal early, I can go home and rest!”

Rabbi Yisrael didn't look surprised at all.

He turned to his disciple and said, “Here is the answer to your question. Indeed, the way you conduct your Shabbos table is wonderful. But when it harms another person, it becomes something not so wonderful at all!”

Listen to the sensitivity! That's what it means to be a great human being, that's what the Torah is all about. Rosh Hashana is in two weeks - may we all seek this kind of greatness.

L’chaim!

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Question for your table... What does it take to become that sensitive to other people's feelings? Is it even possible, or do you have to be born with it?


Shabbat Shalom

PS -

PPS - For this year's updated edition of our "25 Questions to Think About Before Rosh Hashana", send an email.

PPPS - Want to make your Table Talk rabbi happy? Like it, tweet it, or just forward it to someone who might enjoy it.

Excerpted and adapted with permission from Stories My Grandfather Told Me, Vol. 5, © 2001 ArtScroll/Mesorah Publications. All rights reserved. Get the book here.

Father's Day

In memory of my father, Dovid ben Eliezer (Dennis Seinfeld).
(To dedicate a future Table Talk, send an email.)

Father's Day

For you, yesterday was Fireworks Day.

For me, yesterday was Father's Day.

It was eight years - on the Jewish calendar - since my dad passed away in a sudden and tragic way.

He had been healthy - running every day, eating right, yada yada.

And each yahrzeit the past seven years, I have tried to remember one facet of who he was.

A person who continues to inspire us and motivate us is not fully gone.

He was called many things by people who mourned him.

"Champion of Justice" (his epitaph).

"Man of integrity".

"Wise."

"Handy."

"Healthy."

This year I would like to share with you what was arguably my father's greatest legacy.

If you and I could skim even a bit of the cream off the top of this one, we would change the world.

He didn't seek the limelight, not even a little bit.

He didn't want attention or awards or any of that stuff.

So you can imagine my surprise when 1,000 people from all walks of life came to pay their respects eight years ago.

What was his secret?

My father understood, deep in his gut, that the greatest happiness in the world was seeing other people succeed.

Get this - every year he attended the community college graduation. For days afterwards, he would tell about these graduates who overcame the odds to graduate from community college.

These were people he didn't even know! He met them for the first time at graduation.

True, he derived immense satisfaction from his own creative projects, especially carpentry.

But his greatest joy was watching someone achieve their potential. He absolutely loved seeing others succeed.

Even if they bested him.

All the more so if they bested him.

In that sense, no one bested him. No one was greater than he at this quality.

Question for your table.... Is that a trait that you're born with, or is it something you can work on?


Shabbat Shalom



PS - Want to make your Table Talk rabbi happy? Like it, tweet it, or just send it to someone who might enjoy it.

Whose Coat are You Wearing?

The purpose of this blog is to provide something creative for Shabbat table conversation. Please print and share.

So on Rosh Hashana morning it's a little drizzly and I throw on my light raincoat.

These new men's raincoats have become all the rage in Baltimore. Lightweight and inexpensive. They won't keep you warm, but they will keep you dry.

As long as it doesn't rain too hard.

And you can have them in any color you want!

So long as it's black.

But you know, regardless of whether or not my coat is hung in a sea of look-alikes, I don't like to have to go searching for my coat. So I developed a system to find my coat extremely quickly.

I turn the hanger around, hooking it on backwards.

(Hopefully no one in Baltimore is reading this, because if the word gets out, everyone's going to do this, and then it won't work anymore.)

Well, actually, on Rosh Hashana this year, my foolproof system failed me for the first time in years.

Unbeknownst to moi, someone (whom I know) had hung his nearly identical black raincoat right beside mine, also with the hanger turned around.

You know where this is going. When Rosh Hashana services are over, I take the coat from the reversed hanger. I.e., his coat.

Later in the day, towards evening, I decide to go to a different synagogue for the afternoon service. Again, a light drizzle, throw on the coat.

This time I notice that it isn't quite fitting me right but it isn't wrong enough for me to pay attention. I am in a hurry after all.

I get to this other synagogue and opt for the hooks instead of the hangers. Doesn't really matter, there aren't so many coats and besides, my name is in it, right?

The problem is, when I'm fixing to go home, I go for my coat and where I expect to find it, I find this other fellow's.

"Oh no," I'm thinking. He must have taken my coat by mistake. I could just take his to him, but what if he's already realized his error and is en route here to swap them?

So I leave it, and when I get home, I phone him up.

"Did you happen to be in such-and-such a shul tonight?"

But he's quicker-witted than I am.

"No, why is my coat there? Because I saw your coat in the other shul this morning where mine should have been."

Notice how I didn't accuse him of taking my coat.

But nor did I assume from the beginning that the error was mine!

"By the way," he added, "didn't you notice that it was a little big on you?" (he is about 50 pounds heavier than I).

"Well it wasn't raining, so I slung it over my arm."

"Oh, well that explains it."

You see, he had also stumbled, thinking for a moment that I must have been preposterously absent-minded not to notice that I had the wrong coat.

How many times has this happened to you, when you saw an error that you committed and assumed someone else had done it? (that's the weekly question, by the way)

Last week I challenged you to choose one character trait to change this year. It could be jumping to conclusions. It could be a short temper. It could be complaining. Or perhaps laziness. Maybe too much criticizing.

The trick to making it happen on Yom Kippur is:

1. Really regret it. Contemplate the damage you've done, or the opportunities lost, due to this trait. Let yourself feel bad about this, for a few moments.
2. Apologize if needed.
3. Commit to not doing it again - just this one trait. But if you're truly committed, you'll have a plan of how to eradicate it, such as reading a self-help book, or practicing meditation, etc. Without a concrete plan, you're paying lip-service but you're not real. Make it your mission, with daily practice, to conquer this trait before next Rosh Hashana.

We all share these bad habits to a greater or lesser degree. In this sense, they're like the ubiquitous, monotonous, homogeneous black rain coats. We've put on the homogenized raincoat of our socialization.

But to conquer one bad habit - even a small one - is so rare, that doing so is like wearing a new custom-made coat. Do this and there won't be any chance of mistaking it for someone else's. This is the path to revealing the real you beneath the socialized façade.

Wishing you a Shana Tova

and a

Shabbat Shalom



 PS - This year's High Holidays prep class is a short 45 minutes. To hear the audio and get the handouts, including the new "24 Questions to Think About from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur", click here.

PPS - Help your friends and loved ones break in their new iphone or ipad: The most amazing Jewish app -  http://tinyurl.com/amazingcalendarlink (Android version: http://tinyurl.com/amazingandroidcalendar )

And of course you can search our free database of the best Jewish books and gifts here: http://bestjewishkidsbooks.com .