One-and-t'Others & Skin-and-Blisters

The purpose of this blog is to leverage the dinner table rivalry. Please print and share.

Last week I suggested asking at your table, Are you a Jew first or an ______ first (pick your nationality).

This week, a similar convsersation-starter, with a twist:

Are you a child first or a sibling first?

Now, before any only-child protests, let's talk for a moment about the word sibling. The modern meaning of "a person who shares one or both parents with me" is actually quite recent - only about a hundred years old.

The older meaning is any relative. But no one knows how it came into the English language and there are competing theories.

I suspect it comes from Hebrew: the SB root (or SV) has something to do with wisdom. The L is probably a truncation of EL which means God. So this person who torments me, who doesn't nourish me like a parent and I can't walk away from like a peer - why am I stuck with this relationship? Chalk it up to God's wisdom.

(Typical of the English to come up with a tongue-in-cheek word. Reminds one of the Cockney slang skin-and-blister for sister.)

So a sibling is basically a peer that you happen to be stuck with. Gotta remember their birthday, gotta invite them to your simchas, no matter how seldom you actually talk.

So back to today's question - are you the person you are primarily due to your parents, or primarily due to your siblings (again, as broadly defined as you want).

And should you wonder why it matters, I can think of two reasons.

1. Appreciation - the good that's in me came from somewhere (someone). I should thank them.
2. Change - my personality imperfections came from somewhere - if I can ID the source, it's so much easier to change myself.

Maybe you can think of more?

Shabbat Shalom

Higher

I know of several people who are terribly ill right now. This week’s TT is dedicated to them all. Please consider printing this page to share at the dinner table tonight.

+ + +

There is this story, it’s a little hard to believe it’s true, but still a good story for the season….

So this couple are going on vacation to Florida. George and Louise. Only Louise has a crisis at work and has to delay her trip by a day. George goes down as scheduled and that evening sends her a quick email from the hotel computer.

The problem is that in his haste, he mistyped her address. Instead of louise42@yahoo.com he wrote louise43@yahoo.com.

By an amazing coincidence, louise43 ALSO had a husband named George, who had passed away just the day before. When she received the email from a “George” she was shocked but when she read the email she fainted. Out cold.

His email read:

“My darling wife – Arrived safely, everything fine and prepared for your arrival tomorrow. xoxo George. PS – sure is hot down here!”

+ + + +

Why is this a Rosh Hashana / Yom Kippur story?

Because it’s healthy for us to remind ourselves once a year that the end could be at any time. Literally. We all know people who passed away suddenly. Could happen to anyone.

Once a year, justify why you deserve another year of life.

The fasting on Yom Kippur is supposed to help us concentrate.

Q for your table: How do you concentrate when you’re hungry?

My answer: you can’t, until about 5:00 or 6:00 p.m. At that point, you get beyond the huger and thirst. You transcend your body, as it were.

Then you can truly get in touch with that inner self that we call “soul.”

My recommendation, for a Yom Kippur that will really stick….The 1-2-3 method:

1, Get in the mood by saying “sorry” to everyone especially your family, forgiving everyone else, and giving tzedaka. (The idea of tzedaka is generosity. This includes, but is not limited to, giving money.)

2, Before Sunday night, identify a single personality trait that you know you could fix if you really tried – impatience, lateness, laziness, anger, jealousy, you know which one.

3, On YK afternoon, close to sunset, make a commitment to work on it for 5 minutes a day. That’s all it takes. But you have to put in the 5 minutes. That means really really really committing to it. Really.

Summary:
1: Apologies and tzedaka
2. ID the personality trait
3. Make the 5 min/day commitment. (you can email me for suggested readings)

If you want it, you can get it. But you have to really want it.

And how do you tell if you had a good Yom Kippur? By how you behave the next day.

It’s hard work. Really hard. But it’s the best way to break out of our shells and to start living on a higher plane.


Shabbat Shalom


PS -

“If Not Higher” is a classic Yiddish story by I L Peretz. Worth printing and sharing with anyone, young or old, who enjoys being inspired. Here’s the link.

Also includes an audio link there if you prefer to listen or download to your ipod.

Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential. - Churchill