A Cone, a Levee and a Hurricane Walk Into a Bar...

The purpose of this blog is to shoot the breeze at the Shabbat table. Please print and share, or forward or...

Today's question for your table:

What do these hurricanes have to do with Rosh Hashana?

We're supposed to be happy on Rosh Hashana, right? As in, "Happy New Year"?

So maybe this is an opportunity, among the stress and concern, for some hurricane humor?

Why was the hurricane so relaxed?
It was under very low pressure.

Why did the hurricane turn and go out to sea?
It was under a lot of pressure.

What did God tell the hurricane that wanted to speed up?
He gave a categorical denial.

How did the Category-1 hurricane feel about slowing down?
It went into a depression.

That Category-5 hurricane was so impressive! It blew me away.

They voted on whether or not the center of hurricanes is the scariest part - what was the result?
The eyes have it.

What do they call sugar that grows faster in a cyclone?
Hurry-cane.

What do they call a misspelling at the National Hurricane Center?
A typoon.

(Please be sensitive when forwarding these excellent original jokes. While I'm sure Houstonians appreciated last week's General Zod tribute, it wasn't while they were still in the grip of terror.)

Irma, by the way, is a German name, from Irmin, the god of war. The ancient Germans had this giant pillar of Irmin where they would bring sacrifices after every victory.

José is of course Spanish for Yoseph (Joseph), who is one of the Torah's greatest peace-makers.

So if they got the names right, expect Irma to do major damage and José to do no harm.

But let's take a deeper look at these storms.

Look at these images. The one above is what the NHC calls Irma's "cone" - the statistical projection of the storm.

Here's Harvey's cone:



Here's José:



These are the images projected around the world — "cone" after "cone".

Here we are less than two weeks before Rosh Hashana, and we're sleep-walking.

Do you see the same Jewish message that I see?

Let's look at them again:








So now we can finally ask this week's question for the table:

Is it plausable, or is it fanciful, that the hurricane cones should remind me of the shofar and its message?

Shabbat Shalom

PS - If you're looking for a shofar, click on those pics to find them on Amazon - and you may also be interested in this.

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Bent Into Shape

The goal of this email is to give some give-and-take for your Shabbat table.... please print and share.

Greetings.

It has been a few months since Table Talk went on an extended holiday so that I could complete my dissertation.

As of this week, I feel done.

But am I?

Who decides?

One man: my dissertation advisor.

Some good news in my inbox this morning:

"I agree with you that we are coming near a wrap and passing your work to a committee...."

That's my advisor writing.

It ain't over folks, but I have less of an excuse now not to write this Friday email.

Here's a question for your table: Which of the following doesn't belong:

a. The Jewish New Year
b. Blow the shofar
c. Dip apples in honey
d. Go to shul

The answer is: b - blow the shofar.

Why doesn't it belong?

It's the only one on the list that is actually mentioned in the Torah. The other three are customs.

(In fact, choice a is just wrong. If you want to know why, shoot me a reply.)

So if you want to get to the essence of Rosh Hashana, you gotta get into the shofar.

There are plenty of online articles about this beautiful mitzvah.

I would like to direct your attention to one aspect of the shofar that is often overlooked, especially by people who hear it every year.

Why a curved horn? There are animals with straight horns, but the shofar traditions that we inherited are all curved?

The rabbis say that the curve is to remind us that one of the most important ingredients in having a great year to come is to begin with a bit of humility.

You are great. You are an amazing, incredible, unique, wonderful, invaluable human being.

Just don't let it go to your head.


The year feels almost over. But when is it? Who decides? An advisor? A committee?
Shabbat Shalom and l'Shana Tova!

May you and yours be inscribed and sealed for a good life. May your dreams and hopes be fulfilled. May you enjoy health and wealth, family and friends, and meaningful things to do.

Like this blog? How about voting with your finger: Like it, tweet it, or just forward it.

Three Things for Yom Kippur

In honor of Kyle and Shelli's anniversary. Mazal tov .... may you break many fasts together!

1. Please download our new fall bulletin by clicking here. (On the first page there is a New Year's challenge and on the second page a "secret" challenge....)

2. Please enjoy this video of Yom Kippur inspiration:

3. Saved the best for the last: The Landlord.


Happy Yom Kippur

PS - Today's your last chance to benefit from this year's Rosh Hashana - Yom Kippur prep class. To hear the audio and get the handouts, including the new "24 Questions to Think About from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur", click here.

PPS - If you haven't already, please tell everyone you know about the amazing Jewish app -  http://tinyurl.com/amazingcalendarlink (Android version: http://tinyurl.com/amazingandroidcalendar )

And our free database of the best Jewish books and gifts keeps getting better: http://bestjewishkidsbooks.com .

Is it About You and Your Garbage or You and Your Dad?

You are 16 years old and your father has told you to take out the garbage.

This is the job you hate most in the world.

So you acknowledge that you heard what he said, and then you walk out of the house to go to school without doing it. When you arrive home, your father calls you into the room and asks you why you didn’t take out the garbage. You reply that you forgot and you will do it. But then you start thinking about the smelly garbage room and the bugs. You go to sleep without taking it out.

The next morning your father asks again why you didn’t take out the garbage. You apologize profusely and then go to school without taking it out.

When you arrive home, your father calls you again and asks you why you didn’t take out the garbage. This time you know that you are in trouble.

”Son/Daughter, I want you to know that you have done something really wrong. The issue is not that you haven’t taken the garbage out for these three times. The issue is that you have hurt our relationship. Three times you told me that you would do it and each time you promised me. Now I know one thing; I cannot trust your word anymore. This shows that, on a certain level, you don’t respect me or value our relationship. I want you to think over what you have done and decide what you need to do to rectify the wrong you have done."

Your father’s words really make an impression. Now you really feel bad. It finally hit you what you have done. You want to return to your father and tell him you are sorry. It is not so simple in this case to just say you are sorry. There is something more serious involved here. You have damaged your credibility with your father. Just saying you are sorry is not enough to repair the damage.

So you decide to make a plan. After thinking about what you did, you decided to take the following steps:

Step One - You sincerely feel regret for what you have done. You will not try to push away these feelings of regret over what you have done but rather you will let yourself use them in order to spur you to take the steps necessary to change.

Step Two - You will listen to your father. Until you get forgiveness from him you will make sure to listen to everything else that he asks of you.

Step Three - You will go to him and ask forgiveness for what you have done. You will tell him that you are sorry.

Step Four - You will tell him that you have made a decision to listen to his instructions and will not procrastinate any longer.

The next day you go to your father and explain how sorry you are, and that in the future you promise to listen to him immediately when asked to do something. You pour out your heart to him and beseech him to forgive you. Upon seeing your great sincerity and change in attitude, your father wholeheartedly forgives you and warmly welcomes you back into his good graces.

What has occurred here? You have restored your relationship with your father. You have taken a situation of a wounded relationship with him and turned it around. Because you took the time to think it out and sincerely change, you were accepted back by him with joy.

For an explanation of this parable, click here.

If you find this approach to Rosh Hashana useful, you might enjoy the following as well, all thanks to R. Aryeh Nivin.

2. Waking Up to the Sound of the Shofar: Self-evaluation quiz

3. How to use the weeks leading up to Rosh Hashana

4. Defining the spirituality of Rosh Hashana

Shabbat Shalom



“It is always wise to look ahead, but difficult to look further than you can see.” - Churchill

You're Late, You're Late, For a Very Important Date

Dedicated to Batya bat Kayla who is having surgery and needs a speedy recovery.

It's almost Rosh Hashana.... So what?

I am completely revising my 1 page guide, "22 Questions to Think About On Rosh Hashana". The 2009 edition is more meditative, linked to hearing the shofar. It should be ready by Monday or Tuesday. If you would like a copy, send an email.

In the meantime, I recommend the values analysis for you and your table.

Here's how it works:

On a scale of one to five (five being the highest), how important are the following to you? You cannot have more than three 5s or three 4s, and you must have at least two 3s, two 2s and two 1s.

1. Family
2. Being well educated
3. Making a contribution to my community
4. Marriage
5. Spirituality
6. Being well-liked
7. Having a good reputation
8. Financial success
9. Being Jewish
10. Peer recognition in my career or profession.
11. Personal fulfillment\
12. Helping other people
13. Having a good Jewish education
14. Making a contribution to humanity
15. Achieving peace of mind
16. Having children
17. Living in the home of my dreams
18. Acquiring self-knowledge
19. Giving my children a strong Jewish identity
20. Living a long, healthy life.

From Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur Survival Kit by Shimon Apisdorf.
Used with permission.

Here's a light-hearted shofar clip to get you in the mood:


Shabbat Shalom