Day of At-One-Ment

The purpose of this blog is to bring some clarity to the Shabbat pre- or post-Yom Kippur table. Please like it, tweet it, forward it or ....  print and share?

 

Happy New Year!

On Wednesday I took my car for its state emissions testing.

There was a rather simple notice at the testing station:

The VEIP will be
closed
on Saturday
September 30
State holiday

I could not think of a state holiday that occurred between Labor Day and Columbus Day.

A quick check of the state website shows my memory to be correct.

But the attendant, Roger, is of the opinion that it is in honor of Yom Kippur.

How do you feel about that? I asked him.

Pretty happy! he said.

You're welcome! I said.

Roger smiled.

So the Day of Atonement brought you, me and Roger together, momentarily.

Is that the meaning of atonement?

Try sharing this week's title with your pre- or post-YK table and ask them if they believe that this indeed the etymology of atonement. Or is it just meant to be clever or cute?

After you take a vote, let them know that...

In fact, it's the actual etymology.

Maybe I should just stop there, say "Good Yom Kippur" and sign off.

But let's take this a little deeper.

Next question for your table: What does atonement have to do with being "at one"?

And after they answer that, try this: Is there any sin or crime that is so terrible that atonement is impossible?

According to Harvard University there is.

Here's the gist of it:

 

Michelle Jones was released last month after serving more than two decades in an Indiana prison for the murder of her 4-year-old son. The very next day, she arrived at New York University, a promising Ph.D. student in American studies.

In a breathtaking feat of rehabilitation, Ms. Jones, now 45, became a published scholar of American history while behind bars, and presented her work by videoconference to historians’ conclaves and the Indiana General Assembly. With no internet access and a prison library that hewed toward romance novels, she led a team of inmates that pored through reams of photocopied documents from the Indiana State Archives to produce the Indiana Historical Society’s best research project last year. As prisoner No. 970554, Ms. Jones also wrote several dance compositions and historical plays, one of which is slated to open at an Indianapolis theater in December.

N.Y.U. was one of several top schools that recruited her for their doctoral programs. She was also among 18 selected from more than 300 applicants to Harvard University’s history program. But in a rare override of a department’s authority to choose its graduate students, Harvard’s top brass overturned Ms. Jones’s admission after some professors raised concerns that she played down her crime in the application process.

While anyone with even half a heart would be highly sympathetic to Ms. Jones - and rooting for her - is it possible Harvard got it right?

Chag Sameach - a good Yom Kippur to you and yours


PS - Quick YK primer:

It is customary to increase 3 things from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur:

Tefila - prayer. That's the one .
Teshuva - regretting and fixing. Saying I'm sorry to everyone whom you have possibly hurt, including hurting their feelings. When in doubt, apologize. Yes, Colbert got it right, even over the phone.
Tzedaka - increasing one's tzeddaka between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur.

If you would like to make a tax-deductible tzeddaka donation to support this weekly email among our other programs, please visit jsli.org/donate. Become a JSL supporter - or renew your support - and know that you are helping us foster a paradigm-shift in Jewish education around the world.

Enjoyed this Table Talk? Vote with your fingers! Like it, tweet it, forward it....

Thin Skinned?

The goal of this blog is to adjust some attitudes around the Friday night dinner table. Please share.
Thank you to all who continue to respond to our 36¢ challenge.

Last week, I mentioned visiting the assisted living folks, talking about smiles, and making new friends.

This week, a story of serendipity, followed by a challenge.

Serendipitously, one of the new friends I made on Yom Kippur is a certain Mr. and Mrs. Lowen.

He is 92 and she 90, and both are sharp as a tack.

He was born in Frankfurt. By 14 he had learned Hebrew and French, and a solid background in Torah and Talmud.

Then he witnessed Kristallnacht in Frankfurt, after which the Gestapo arrested his father and sent him to a camp.

Miraculously, his mother was able to get him released after a month. How?

She went to the police station and proved that he had served the Fatherland in WWI.

But they saw the writing on the wall. They put him and his brother on the famous Kindertransport to the UK in the late spring of 1939.

The parents never got out.

In England, they were hosted by a non-Jewish family, a big challenge for boys from a kosher home.

Her story is no less dramatic. Her family had fled to Milan, only to flee again a year later.

And here they are today, 78 years later, married for 70 years.

And they show no sign of malice, no hint of rancor. They told me they never returned to Germany and would not ever; yet they are people of faith, from families of faith, and one can see their parents' glow in their eyes so many years later.

This morning I asked Mr. and Mrs. Lowen if they had a message for the 1,000 people who read this email-blog every week.

She said, "Believe in God."

He said, "Love God."

Some people say, "How can I believe in God, let alone love God, after the Holocaust?"

Maybe they should ask the Lowens.

I've often said that the hardest two words in the English language are "I'm sorry," and the second-hardest are "I'm wrong."

Question for your table: What are the third hardest two words?

I would suggest: When someone apologizes to you, to say, "It's okay."

So I would like to suggest an appendix to last week's challenge.

Train yourself to become excellent at saying "It's okay" — even when they don't apologize.

 

To do so, you need to know that you matter, you were created for a purpose, and that the struggle itself, that's your purpose. There is no greater joy than knowing that. 


Shabbat Shalom and Happy Sukkot/Simchat Torah


PS -  Here are some great inspirational quotes about forgiveness. And here. (My favorite: “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” (N. Mandela) What's yours?)

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgiveness.html

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgiveness.html

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Three Things for Yom Kippur

In honor of Kyle and Shelli's anniversary. Mazal tov .... may you break many fasts together!

1. Please download our new fall bulletin by clicking here. (On the first page there is a New Year's challenge and on the second page a "secret" challenge....)

2. Please enjoy this video of Yom Kippur inspiration:

3. Saved the best for the last: The Landlord.


Happy Yom Kippur

PS - Today's your last chance to benefit from this year's Rosh Hashana - Yom Kippur prep class. To hear the audio and get the handouts, including the new "24 Questions to Think About from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur", click here.

PPS - If you haven't already, please tell everyone you know about the amazing Jewish app -  http://tinyurl.com/amazingcalendarlink (Android version: http://tinyurl.com/amazingandroidcalendar )

And our free database of the best Jewish books and gifts keeps getting better: http://bestjewishkidsbooks.com .

All You Need Is Love

The purpose of this email is to provide something warm and fuzzy for dinner table conversation. Please print and share.

Here we are. Deep summer.

All that we NHs (Northern Hemispherites) want to do is relax for a few minutes.

Keep your feet up. I'm not going to spoil the moment.

But I'm going to make a radical proposal, first heard in this space a year ago.

It begins with a story.

At my first summer job as a young adult there was a guy who invited everyone in the office to his "Xmas in July" party.

What made it Xmas-y was that everyone brought a present to give to a random person.

So instead of a bunch of people drinking beer together on a summer afternoon, it was a bunch of people drinking beer and exchanging presents on a summer afternoon.

As I grew older and wiser (after all, I did learn to drink wine instead of beer!) I have learned an ancient piece of Jewish wisdom that for some reason has little cachet, even in the most traditional Jewish families and communities.

It's called "Tu B'Av".

No, not Tu Bishvat.

No, not Tisha B'Av.

Tu B'Av.

"Tu" is the number 15. Av is the month of Av, which corresponds to the constellation Leo, the lion.

Today is the full moon of the lion.

Tu is spelled "tet-vav" which are the first two letters of "tov" (good).

Question for your table? What is needed to turn "tu" into "tov"?

A: The letter "bet", which is...

- the number two, i.e., a relationship
- a house or home (bayit), i.e., harmony

I'm not inventing this. In ancient times, Tu B'Av was celebrated as a day of friendship and love, "the most joyous" holiday (Mishna Ta'anit 4:8).

What happened to it?

Well, you know, destruction, exile, a few holocausts....

But is it time we brought it back? (Some communities have begun, e.g., here.)

You know how many people try to make amends with family, friends and adversaries before Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur?

Why wait until then? The most auspicious time to heal our relationships and this troubled world is today.

Here is my 3-part challenge for you -today....

1. Try to make-nice this Tu B'Av with everyone you know. Hug as needed.

2. Choose a Jewish single over 30 who hasn't yet found Mr. or Mrs. Right and make a commitment to help him or her get married in the next 12 months. Commit to making this goal a priority in your life.

3. Share to this blog with 15 ("TU") people. Let's start a viral campaign to renew Tu B'Av as a day of friendship and love and get a head start on the High Holidays.

"May you be inscribed and sealed for love."

Shabbat Shalom



PS - Version 2.5 of my iphone app came out this week. It fixes a bug that was causing crashes for Swedish and Brazilian users and broken links that affected everyone. What better way to show someone you care than sending them the amazing Jewish app? http://tinyurl.com/amazingcalendarlink (Android version: http://tinyurl.com/amazingandroidcalendar)

PPS - Our kids' books site has great school supplies! Browse from the comfort of your home and support JSL while you shop. http://bestjewishkidsbooks.com

Chase of Dreams

The goal of Table talk is to add some depth to your Friday night dinner table. Please print and share.

See our continuously-expanding Bar and Bat Mitzvah gift suggestions at bestjewishkidsbooks.com.


Our neighbors had an attempted break-in the other day and it reminded me of a story I told in this space five years ago. It's the kind of story that one ought to retell every few years.

The story starts with a question:

While I hope you will never experience this, imagine you were walking down the street and someone snatched something from your hands, running off. How do you think you would react?

Would you shout? Call for help? Run after him?

After everyone at your table gets a chance to answer, tell them this true story:

The famous Chafetz Chaim (who died in 1933) was once walking down the street in Radin.

Someone stopped him to ask for a handout. When he pulled out his wallet to give the beggar a coin, the beggar grabbed the wallet and ran off.

Again, put yourself in the rabbi's shoes: how do you react?

The Chafetz Chaim ran after him and shouted, “I forgive you! You can keep it! I give it to you! It’s yours!”

When an onlooker asked the rabbi why he responded that way, he explained:

“The fellow is obviously in need, desperate even. Eventually, he’ll think about what he did and may regret it. So why should he then benefit from stolen goods? Let him enjoy what’s his!”

I suspect most people reading this, and most people who hear this story at your table, would not have reacted that way. Correct me if I'm wrong.

And that gives us the second question for the table: What sort of attitude to you need to cultivate towards other human beings in order to react in that way?


Shabbat Shalom.

Insult to Injury

The goal of Table Talk (the Art of Amazement blog) is to stimulate conversation at your Friday night dinner table. Please print and share the story and question.
Announcement – we have a new 2-minute marketing video up on jsli.org - please tell me what you think.

This is a true story: a Holocaust survivor made it to Israel and became a teacher. Unfortunately, she was not able to find a husband. But she was a dedicated teacher who loved her job and her students. One year, however, she had a nightmare class – the kind that every teacher gets once in awhile. A girl in that class wrote her a note, “I don’t like you because you’re an old maid.” The teacher was so devastated by this insult that she immediately left not only the classroom but the school, and she failed to appear the next day. Nor did she answer her phone. The school principal went to her apartment and found her dead. The medical examiner determined that she had died of a heart attack.

This is a dramatic and tragic example of the power of speech. The problem is that when making hurtful comments, we’re usually completely unaware of what we’re doing.

So how do you fix the problem when you’ve insulted someone?

Gotta say sorry.

But not just “sorry”. It has to be from the heart. Something like, “I was being stupid, I was under a lot of stress, what I said wasn’t true, I was trying to hurt you and I feel terrible about it, etc.” You have to convince the victim that you are really sorry. If they don’t forgive you in their heart, if they only mouth the words “it’s OK”, it’s not true forgiveness.

So what do you do if they don’t forgive you?

Try again. The second time, come up with a different strategy. Try a different tone, a different approach.

How many times should you try? Three.

When it comes to hurting someone’s feelings, as R. Avigdor Miller says, “Even when you're right, you're wrong. And when you're wrong, that's right.”

The above is based on a story in the book Walking with Rabbi Miller.

So here's your table-talk question - what do you do about the people who insulted you and never asked for forgiveness, either because they were too proud, or lazy, or simply forgot?

There is an ancient Jewish bedtime practice of verbally declaring “I hereby forgive anyone who has insulted me or hurt me in any way today.”


Shabbat Shalom

PS – chesed opportunity:
Support Sara Phillips! Sara has taken a leave of absence from Michigan State University, College of Law this semester due to extensive time spent in the hospital. Sara’s medical condition, ulcerative colitis, caused her immune system to weaken and sepsis to form in her bloodstream, resulting in her right leg being amputated. Sara had the stamina to undergo three serious surgeries in the span of two weeks, in spite of her weakened condition. In addition, Sara’s colon must soon be removed. Two months later, the fighter, Sara, is staying strong!
Sara’s student insurance policy is limited, her medical bills and medication are now being paid out of pocket, and she needs all of your help. Two months ago, her parents have flown from Florida to care for Sara, meanwhile leaving their jobs. Sara’s friends and family are asking for your support in this time of need. For further information about Sara’s story, please click here. To help out, click here.