Shabbat Table Talk from the desk of Rabbi Alexander Seinfeld
Aug 30-31, 2024 • 27 Av 5784 • Re'eh (Deut 11-13).
First question for your table: Do you know anyone who suffers from choice-anxiety?
(Evidently related to analysis paralysis.)
Anxiety is the most common mental health disorder and anxiety over making choices is one of the most common forms of anxiety.
But can you guess which group of people almost never have anxiety?
Young children.
Why is that?
Last week I had the opportunity to study this phenomenon at close range when spending some quality time with my grandchildren.
If you haven't spent time with a 2- or 3-year-old lately, I highly recommend you find an opportunity to do so. Doesn't have to be your own child or grandchild; you'll get the same pleasure regardless.
And the inspiration: they're always busy, and they're always happy.
(Evidently related to analysis paralysis.)
Anxiety is the most common mental health disorder and anxiety over making choices is one of the most common forms of anxiety.
But can you guess which group of people almost never have anxiety?
Young children.
Why is that?
Last week I had the opportunity to study this phenomenon at close range when spending some quality time with my grandchildren.
If you haven't spent time with a 2- or 3-year-old lately, I highly recommend you find an opportunity to do so. Doesn't have to be your own child or grandchild; you'll get the same pleasure regardless.
And the inspiration: they're always busy, and they're always happy.
Question for your table: Are they busy because they're happy, or are they happy because they're busy?
One thing I know for sure — they don't suffer from any anxiety over choices.
Apparently, many adults do.
Indeed, research that has shown that too many choices make us miserable.
But if you think more deeply about it, you'll realize that we actually have infinite opportunities for choices. Every moment we can choose where to direct our eyes and other senses and our every step.
So why don't people with choice-anxiety find all of these micro-choices as debilitating as the macro-choices?
I think that the answer is quite simple: the micro-choices don't bother us because they're not really choices at all.
If you're driven by a mission — like a child going after a toy — then you'll choose to do right now something that takes you in that direction.
For example, when someone rings the doorbell, you don't have to think about which foot you'll step with first, because you're focused on the mission of answering the door.
If you're not driven by a mission, you're more likely choosing reactively - based on what makes you more comfortable.
That's the ultimate choice: meaning versus comfort.
And it's immediate: what you're going to do, or think, right now.
We're now four weeks away from Rosh Hashanah. After a harrowing year as a Jewish People, this Rosh Hashanah feels like one of the most momentous ever.
What kind of new year do you hope to have? Are you a better human being now than you were a year ago? What kind of person do you want to be a year from now? If you had to stand before a judge or jury and justify getting another year of life, what would you say?
Are you going to seek meaning or comfort?
One thing I know for sure — they don't suffer from any anxiety over choices.
Apparently, many adults do.
Indeed, research that has shown that too many choices make us miserable.
But if you think more deeply about it, you'll realize that we actually have infinite opportunities for choices. Every moment we can choose where to direct our eyes and other senses and our every step.
So why don't people with choice-anxiety find all of these micro-choices as debilitating as the macro-choices?
I think that the answer is quite simple: the micro-choices don't bother us because they're not really choices at all.
If you're driven by a mission — like a child going after a toy — then you'll choose to do right now something that takes you in that direction.
For example, when someone rings the doorbell, you don't have to think about which foot you'll step with first, because you're focused on the mission of answering the door.
If you're not driven by a mission, you're more likely choosing reactively - based on what makes you more comfortable.
That's the ultimate choice: meaning versus comfort.
And it's immediate: what you're going to do, or think, right now.
We're now four weeks away from Rosh Hashanah. After a harrowing year as a Jewish People, this Rosh Hashanah feels like one of the most momentous ever.
What kind of new year do you hope to have? Are you a better human being now than you were a year ago? What kind of person do you want to be a year from now? If you had to stand before a judge or jury and justify getting another year of life, what would you say?
Are you going to seek meaning or comfort?
This week's Table Talk also appears online at https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/author/alexander-seinfeld/
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