Over the past couple weeks, several women in their 90s have left us.When you hear about the lives of people of that generation, a common theme is dignity. They have/had a certain sense of human dignity that today can seem out of sync with modern times.
For example: a woman named Mrs. Brilliant (her real name) whose shiva I attended this week. She was 98, a survivor thanks to the Kindertransport and a host family in England. Here's how a neighbor remembered her:
Over a decade ago, a lovely old lady who lived down the block from us complimented my son on his hat, explaining that, “a man isn't fully dressed without a hat; it brings together his entire appearance.”
In this case, that briefest of comment landed on target, forever changing my son’s life. Because to this day, my son thinks of that lovely lady every time he leaves the house, and remembers to snag one of his cowboy hats. He remembers that Mrs. Brilliant told him that this is how a man comports himself, and she was not the sort of lady one would ever want to disappoint.
Indeed, her smile and words lifted everyone up, all the time. Mrs. Brilliant was the very embodiment of how seemingly little things become the glue and then the foundation for all the really important big things.
And, perhaps thanks to the combination of a German and British upbringing, she advocated for all things to be done in the right way, with a sense of ongoing duty and propriety. Even wearing a hat in public. She invariably would ask her children and grandchildren “whether that sort of thing would be acceptable in Buckingham Palace?”
For your table—Is he right? Is this value thanks to German and British culture, or can native Americans also achieve that level of dignity? Do Europeans continue to cultivate such attitudes, or are they indeed relics of bygone times? Does it even matter?
BTW, when Mrs. Brilliant came to America, she wasn't very religious. But she became strictly observant in order to marry her husband, and by all accounts, doing so was good for her and her family. Another recent nonagenarian loss, Mrs. Katz, also had a certain "European" dignity (South African technically). She became quite devout in her 90s, even though (or perhaps because?) she was severely physically limited in her old age home. Judaism had always been part of her life, but brought her such great serenity in her final years.
May the families be comforted, and may we all be inspired.
Shabbat Shalom
