A Cone, a Levee and a Hurricane Walk Into a Bar...

The purpose of this blog is to shoot the breeze at the Shabbat table. Please print and share, or forward or...

Today's question for your table:

What do these hurricanes have to do with Rosh Hashana?

We're supposed to be happy on Rosh Hashana, right? As in, "Happy New Year"?

So maybe this is an opportunity, among the stress and concern, for some hurricane humor?

Why was the hurricane so relaxed?
It was under very low pressure.

Why did the hurricane turn and go out to sea?
It was under a lot of pressure.

What did God tell the hurricane that wanted to speed up?
He gave a categorical denial.

How did the Category-1 hurricane feel about slowing down?
It went into a depression.

That Category-5 hurricane was so impressive! It blew me away.

They voted on whether or not the center of hurricanes is the scariest part - what was the result?
The eyes have it.

What do they call sugar that grows faster in a cyclone?
Hurry-cane.

What do they call a misspelling at the National Hurricane Center?
A typoon.

(Please be sensitive when forwarding these excellent original jokes. While I'm sure Houstonians appreciated last week's General Zod tribute, it wasn't while they were still in the grip of terror.)

Irma, by the way, is a German name, from Irmin, the god of war. The ancient Germans had this giant pillar of Irmin where they would bring sacrifices after every victory.

José is of course Spanish for Yoseph (Joseph), who is one of the Torah's greatest peace-makers.

So if they got the names right, expect Irma to do major damage and José to do no harm.

But let's take a deeper look at these storms.

Look at these images. The one above is what the NHC calls Irma's "cone" - the statistical projection of the storm.

Here's Harvey's cone:



Here's José:



These are the images projected around the world — "cone" after "cone".

Here we are less than two weeks before Rosh Hashana, and we're sleep-walking.

Do you see the same Jewish message that I see?

Let's look at them again:








So now we can finally ask this week's question for the table:

Is it plausable, or is it fanciful, that the hurricane cones should remind me of the shofar and its message?

Shabbat Shalom

PS - If you're looking for a shofar, click on those pics to find them on Amazon - and you may also be interested in this.

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So This is Planet Hooston

You never heard of Planet Hooston?

(If you know where it is, you might have a super memory.... If you don't, maybe this will jog your memory.)

Besides the eeriness (today) of General Zod mistaking a lake for Houston, it's somehow comforting to hear him call water "a very strange surface."

That's our cue that he's an alien. It's OK to fear and loathe him.

And so Hooston in the movie stands for Planet Earth - we're all on this spaceship together.

If you're not in Texas, the real Houston seems so far away, it might as well be another planet.

But the people there are suffering majorly, and it's super easy to help them:

Houston Federation
Texas Chabad

Be generous. Many of these families have lost everything but the proverbial shirts on their proverbial backs.

They're drained, they're sad, they're scared, they're hugely uncomfortable, they're in shock.

You know, when your street turns into a river and there are fish swimming in your living room, you might just pause and say, "Is this really happening?"

There's your question for the table: Did you ever experience something so strange that you said, "Is this really happening, or am I dreaming?"

If not, what would it take?

Shabbat Shalom


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