For a Change

The purpose of this blog is to add something happy to your Shabbat table. Please print and share.

This week: a question, followed by a story, followed by a question, followed by a really good piece of wisdom.

The first question for your table: Are you 100 percent happy with yourself, or is there something that you'd like to change?

I don't know about you, but I pay lip-service all the time to wanting to change — like changing a bad habit to good or to improving a skill — but I don't necessarily do anything about it, for months, for years.

But we weren't always like that.

Here's this week's story: On Sunday, our son Yoseph (5th grade) had a special event at school. The entire grade had a celebratory brunch with parents to receive their first Gamara - i.e., volume of the Talmud.

They were so excited! Everyone was dressed up for the occasion.

A few days before, Yoseph asked me to take him to the store to find a bow tie.

He was inspired by stories about my father - the grandfather he never knew - wearing a bow tie.

When you learn Talmud, you are swimming in a stream of tradition that comes from your ancestors to you, and that will hopefully continue to your children and grandchildren. Yoseph seems to intuit that connection.... that even though his grandfather never learned Talmud, certainly his great-great-(great?)-grandfathers did.

Go far enough back and we all descend from Torah scholars.

My Dad and Yoseph

But learning Talmud is hard - why would anyone want to put themselves through that?

Kids seem to love to learn (i.e., to change) in a way that many adults have lost.

We all know people who are struggling with losing weight, with quitting smoking, with controlling their anger, with even getting out of bed on time.

The obvious Question #2 for your table: Why do you think it's so hard?

(My answer: they haven't listened to this.)


Shabbat Shalom

PS: Speaking of the Talmud, today is the first day of the month of Adar. The Talmud says: "When Adar begins, we increase simcha (joy)." We have Purim and Pesach ideas at bestjewishkidsbooks.com.
 

PPS: The Happiest Video on Youtube

What's in a Tongue?

In honor of my mom's 75th birthday this week (on the Hebrew calendar). Happy Birthday Mom! May you live in good health, increasing wisdom and simchat chayim until 120.


This week for your Shabbat table I have a question followed by two interesting stories, followed by another question, followed by a challenge.

The first question: Can most human relationship problems be healed with better communication?

Think before you answer.

The first story: Yesterday I made a shiva call to someone bereft of his mother. She had been a refugee from Germany. Her parents had fled with her through Italy, then France, then Spain and Portugal, and from there to South America before arriving to the USA.

The girl had the gift of gab, and in each country she picked up the language.

By the time she arrived to the States at age 22, she was fluent in some seven languages. This gift enabled her to land a job in the executive offices of an international toy company.

"The fact that it was a toy company was good for me," said her son at shiva.

The second interesting story was reported in the news yesterday.

Four years ago, Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg set himself the goal of learning conversational Mandarin.

I don't know what his daily schedule is like, but it's hard to imagine that he has more free time than you or I. I suspect he may have less.

In any event, he put his proverbial money where is mouth is and began studying at the breakfast table.

This week, he visited China and gave a thirty minute public interview entirely in Mandarin.

These two stories lead me to the second question for your table and the challenge:

Question #2 - What language or "language" would you like to learn? (By "language" with quotation marks I mean various communication skills like empathy, attentiveness, and it may include music theory or even music appreciation. Or even....??)

The Challenge - When are you going to start?


Shabbat Shalom

PS - Anyone who is interested in learning to read and understand Biblical Hebrew would be well advised to try this fabulous book. If you would like to learn spoken Hebrew, shoot me an email.


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Driving Lesson

The goal of this blog is to add rhythm to your Shabbat table. Please print and share.


YESTERDAY I had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

I gave our oldest child his first driving lesson.

Someone asked me if I have any more gray hairs.

(As an aside, many of my gray hairs first appeared during my first year as a classroom teacher. Not making this up.)

Quite frankly, it was a delicious, wonderful experience and I savored every moment.

It says in Pirkei Avot (the Jewish book of ethics) that a wise person "learns from everyone".

Question for your table: What can you learn from your child during his first driving lesson?

In my opinion, the above sign says it all.

Think about how driving is different from most every other skill you teach a kid.

Chances are, the parent has a high degree of skill (or sees himself as having a high degree of skill). And the car is a potential lethal weapon. The stakes are high. 

If that doesn't help you cultivate patience, I don't know what would.

Some things take time. Patience helps. A wise person sees time as an opportunity to prepare.

Take matza for instance. We're supposed to eat it for a whole week. 

Some people savor every day of matza. Some count down the days until they can eat chametz again.

What kind of person are you?

For some people reading this, Passover is already a week-old memory.

One way we keep the message of the matza alive for the next six weeks is to look at a selection from Pirkei Avot every Shabbat afternoon.

Here's this week's selection:

Yehoshua ben Perachyah said: Make for yourself a teacher, get yourself a friend, and judge everyone towards merit.

The question for you and your table is: Are these just three random ideas, or is there a connection between them?


Shabbat Shalom

A Rabbi is a Rabbi is a . . .

Dedicated to the memory of my grandparents Lester & Sylvia Seinfeld, whose yahrzeits were this week. Also dedicated to the memory of all fallen US soldiers, including the 52 Jews who have died in uniform since 9/11/01 (see list at bottom). (To dedicate a future Table Talk, send an email.

In my grandfather's memory, and in honor of the coming end of the school year, here's a story I've told in the past with a message that we all need to hear once a year.

It was a sunny August afternoon, some weeks before my freshman year of college.

My grandparents were visiting for no particular reason and I was taking cover in the family room.

Among the old Penguin paperbacks lining the back wall. My mother's college texts that she displayed like family heirlooms. Euripides and Sophocles, Dante and Shakespeare, Brontë and Faulkner, and others in-between.

My shelter in the edifice of Plato-to-NATO.

(Ever notice that most of those guys had beards?)

That's where he cornered me.

The truth is, I didn't even known they were visiting, but in he walked with a jocular rebuke, "Don't you greet someone when they come to visit?"

"Hi, Pop, how are you?"

"I'm fine. All ready for college?"

"Not yet, getting there!"

"Well," he smiled, "I have just one word of advice for you before you go."

"Just one word?"

"One word."

I could hardly believe it. This was great. This was going to be one of those moments that I'd be able to tell my own grandchildren about, and better yet, to blog about.

I waited for the word. He had already started to stoop, yet had exchanged his 1975 dark-rimmed glasses for lighter, youthful frames.

No hurry. He was smiling, pausing for dramatic effect.

Finally came "the word":

"Don't take courses."

OK, that's interesting. Are we having a senior moment, or is there a punchline?

I raised an eyebrow or two and waited.

Then came the punchline:

"Take teachers."

"Take teachers?"

"With the most interesting subject in the world and a bad teacher, you won't learn a darn thing. But with the most boring subject in the world and a good teacher, you'll learn everything."

What a thrill! After 18 years of grandfatherly advice, here finally was something that seemed really relevant and true!

I did follow that advice, in college and beyond, and it never failed me. You can usually tell in one session. Take the great ones, no matter what they are teaching, avoid the bad ones, no matter what they are teaching.

Life is short. There is much to learn. Invest your learning time well.

Try this question at your Shabbat table: Who were the best teachers in your life? Did you ever thank them?



Shabbat Shalom

PS - Please remember to thank all of your child's teachers. Gifts are unnecessary, but a hand-written thank you note from you or better yet from your child means a lot. Teaching is hard work. They don't have to be perfect to deserve our appreciation.

PPS - Want to make your Table Talk rabbi happy? Like it, tweet it, or just forward it to someone who might enjoy it.

American JEWISH casualty list since SEPT 11, 2001:
Pontell, Darin
Lieutenant JG, Navy, Pentagon
9/11/01 Pentagon, Arlington, Virginia

Evnin, Mark A.
Corporal, Marines, Vermont
4/3/03 Central Iraq

Smith, Eric A.
Chief Warrant Officer, Army, New York
4/2/03, Central Iraq

Wershow, Jeffery
Specialist, Army National Guard, Florida
7/6/03 Baghdad, Iraq

Bernstein, David
1st Lieutenant, Army, Pennsylvania
10/18/03 Taza, Iraq

Fletcher, Jacob S.
Private First Class, Army, New York
11/13/03 Samara, Iraq

Seiden, Marc S.
Specialist, Army, New Jersey
1/2/04 Baghdad, Iraq

Dvorin, Seth
2nd Lieutenant, Army, New Jersey
2/3/04 Iskandariyah, Iraq

Wong, Elijah
Sergeant, Army National Guard, Arizona
2/9/04 Sinjar, Iraq

Bruckenthal, Nathan
Petty Officer, Coast Guard, New York
4/24/04 Northern Persian Gulf

Schrage, Dustin
Corporal, Marines, Florida
5/6/04 Anbar province, Iraq

Sherman, Alan D.
Sergeant, Marines, New Jersey
6/29/04 Southeast of Baghdad

Engel, Mark E.
Lance Corporal, Marines, Colorado
7/21/04 Brook Army Medical Center, Fort Sam Houston, Texas

Tarlavsky, Michael
Captain, Army, 5th Special Forces Group
8/12/04 Najaf, Iraq

Stern, Andrew K.
1st Lieutenant, Marines, Tennessee
9/16/04 Anbar province, Iraq

Harrington, Foster
Sergeant, Marines, Texas
9/20/04 Anbar province, Iraq

Cohen, Michael R.
Corporal, Marines, Pennsylvania
11/22/04 Anbar province, Iraq

Shackelford, Michael
Sergeant, Army, Colorado
11/28/04 Ramadi, Iraq

Freeman, Daniel J.
Specialist, Army, Ohio
4/6/05 Ghazni, Afghanistan

Ben Yahudah, Benyahmin
Specialist, Army, Georgia
7/27/05 Baghdad, Iraq

Allen, Howard Paul
Sergeant, Army National Guard, Arizona
9/26/05 Baghdad, Iraq

Jacobson, Elizabeth N.
Airman First Class, Air Force, Florida
9/28/05 Near Camp Bucca, Iraq

Clark, Ryan J.
Corporal, Army, California
6/29/06, San Antonio, TX

Wolfe, Colin J.
Private First Class, Marines, Virginia
8/30/06 Habbaniyah, Iraq

Paul, Robert J.
Staff Sergeant, Army Reserve, Oregon
9/8/06, Kabul, Afghanistan

Secher, Robert Michael
Captain, Marines, Tennessee
10/8/06 Anbar province, Iraq

Oremus , Michael K.
Private First Class, Army, New York
10/2/06, Baghdad, Iraq

Krissoff, Nathan M.
1st Lieutenant, Marines, Nevada
12/9/06 Anbar province, Iraq

Blum, Aron C.
Sergeant, Marines, Arizona
12/28/06 Naval Medical Center, San Diego

Weiner , Timothy, R.
Tech Sergeant, Air Force, Florida
1/7/07, Baghdad, Iraq

Agami, Daniel
Specialist, Army, Florida
6/21/07 Northern Baghdad, Iraq

Bitton, Albert
Corporal, Army, Chicago
2/20/08 Baghdad, Iraq

Wolfer, Stuart A.
Major, Army, Florida
4/6/08 Baghdad, Iraq

Rosenberg, Mark
Major, Army, Florida
4/8/08 Baghdad, Iraq

Yelner, Jonathan
Senior Airman, Air Force, California
4/29/08 Near Bagram, Afghanistan

Farkas, Daniel
1st Lieutenant, Army National Guard, New York
7/4/08 Kabul, Afghanistan (Camp Phoenix)

Weinger, Robert M.
Sergeant, Army National Guard, Illinois
3/15/09 Jalabad, Afghanistan

Pine, Shawn
Lieutenant Colonel, Army Reserve, Texas
5/20/09 Near Kabul, Afghanistan

Schulte, Roslyn
1st Lieutenant, Air Force, Missouri
5/20/09 Near Kabul, Afghanistan

Fairbairn, Aaron
Private First Class, Army, Washington
7/4/09 Combat Outpost Zerok, Afghanistan

Walker, Morris L.
Private First Class, Army, North Carolina
8/18/09, Dila, Afghanistan

Sklaver, Benjamin
Captain, Army Reserve, Connecticut
10/2/09 Muscheh, Afghanistan

Kane, Jeremy M.
Lance Corporal. Marines, New Jersey
1/22/10, Afghanistan

Zilberman, Steven Miroslav
Lieutenant, Navy, Ohio
4/2/10, Arabian Gulf

Fisher, Zachary M.
Sergeant, Army, Missouri
7/14/2010, Lagman, Afghanistan

Malachowski, James M.
Staff Sergeant , Marine Corps, Maryland
3/20/2011, Helmand Province, Afghanistan

Soufrine, Eric D.
Private First Class. Army, Connecticut
6/14/11, Afghanistan

Green, Douglas J.
Specialist, Army, Virginia
8/28/2011, Kandahar Province, Afghanistan

Shapiro, Steven F.
Private First Class, Army, California
10/21/11, Iraq

Seidler, Matthew R.
Airman First Class, Air Force, Maryland
1/5/12, Helmand Province, Afghanistan

Brodsky, Michael  J.
Petty Officer Second Class , Navy, Florida
7/21/12, Kandahar Province, Afghanistan

Open Season on Wisdom

First, a ginormous mazal tov to Harmon and Jorun Shragge of San Francisco, who have completed learning the entire TANACH this week, a 10-year endeavor! Besides kvelling over their achievement, I am grateful to them for being the greatest of study partners - perseverant, yes...thoughtful, yes... but most important, they ask tough questions and have never let me get lazy.

Many thanks to the 75 guests, including leaders and laity, who joined us at the celebration Wednesday from all over the Bay Area, from as far away as San Jose, Mill Valley, Berekeley, Oakland and even Piedmont.

I tried to stump the crowd with a few Tanach trivia questions. Here's a sample for a conversation-starter at your dinner table tonight (helpful hint: print this page):

Tanach: Final Exam
1. What does "Tanach" mean?
2. What does "Torah" mean?
3. What is the first event in Tanach?
4. What is the last event in Tanach?
5. Name the 3 Patriarchs and 4 Matriarchs?
6. Name 3 heroes of Tanach?
7. Name 3 villains of Tanach?
8. List the "10 Commandments"
9. What are the 10 Commandments called by Jews?
10. How many books make up Tanach?
11. Which is longer, Tanach or War and Peace?
12. Which is longer, Tanach or the collected works of Shakespeare?
 
Answer key:
1. Acronym for Torah (5 Books of Moses), Neviim (Prophets), Ketuvim (Writings)
2. "Torah" means "instructions" and is short for "Torat Chayim" - "instructions for living"
3. The Big Bang, i.e., creation of the universe ex nihilo.
4. Historically, the returning of the Jews to the Land of Israel after the Babylonian exile and rebuilding the Temple. In the narrative, however, the last event is the Persian King Cyrus's proclamation that the Jews may go back "up" to the Land and rebuild the Temple.
5. Avraham, Yitzchok, Yaakov, Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel, Leah.
6. Some possibilities: Noah, Moses, Aaron, Miriam, Joshua, Devorah, David, Solomon
7. Some possibilities: Pharaoh, Haman, Bilam, Nebudchanezar
8. Monotheism, Idolatry, Blasphemy, Shabbat, Honoring Parents, Murder, Adultery, Stealing/Kidnaping, Lying, Coveting.
9. "The 10 Statements" (because we count 613 commandments)
10. 24 (Gentiles divide up their "Old Testament" into as many as 39 books).
11. Tanach is slightly longer (around 600,000 words in English compared to 580,000)
12. Shakespeare's 39 plays contain over 800,000 words

Now here's the zinger for your table: Do these last two answers make the Tanach seem long or short?

In my opinion, here's what the numbers are saying: It is long, especially when you're actually studying rather than merely reading, but those numbers make it clear - it's not out of reach....

You, too, can become literate in the Torah.
You, too, can explore ancient Jewish ethics.
You, too, can taste a little Talmud.
You, too, can learn a little Kabbalah.

Rosh Hashana is next week, what a great time to begin.

(If you'd like my help finding a suitable:

- class (live or online)
- study-partner (live or telephone)
- methodology (that fits your personality)
- plan (that fits your crazy schedule)

...send me an email. Like losing weight, if you don't have a goal and a plan, you're not being real.)

Consider this: the Torah belongs to you as much as it does to me, and great people have observed how much wisdom is there. How about the words of Churchill:

“Some people like Jews and some do not; but no thoughtful man can doubt the fact that they are beyond all question the most formidable and the most remarkable race which has ever appeared in the world…. We owe to the Jews…a system of ethics which, even if it were entirely separated from the supernatural, would be incomparably the most precious possession of mankind, worth in fact the fruits of all other wisdom and learning put together.” (Illustrated Sunday Herald, February 8, 1920)

Isn't it about time you discovered what's in there?

No, really. If not now, when?

(Have I made my point?)

+++++

My family joins me in wishing you and yours an amazing New Year signed and sealed for life, wisdom, health, peace and prosperity, deep contentment and soaring joy. (I will try to send a special TT Wednesday for Rosh Hashana, but no promises...)

If you have been enjoying this weekly email for some time and would like to express your appreciation, know that your emails are meaningful and appreciated and your donations to jsli.org help - quite literally - keep the lights on and make this weekly service possible.

Shabbat Shalom and l'Shana Tova.

PS:
You can start your daily pursuit of Jewish wisdom with my iphone app.
Rosh Hashana video #1
Rosh Hashana video #2
Rosh Hashana video #3
"24 Questions to Think About Before Rosh Hashana". Here's the link.
A great affordable shofar: Great Shofar
Our four favorite honey dishes: Here's the link.