Flies Like an Arrow?

The goal of this blog is to make the Friday night dinner seem to slow down / speed up (circle one).... Please share.
Mazal tov to Marc & Zeke on their father-son bar mitzvah this week.

Or like a banana?

For your table talk tonight, a story followed by a simple question.

The story:

On Wednesday, I showed our six-year-old a video of the amazing Emily Bear.

My daughter's reaction: "I want to be able to play like that!"

And for the next two days (and counting?) she has been super motivated to practice.

The potential glitch occurred on the second day when she found a new phrase difficult to master. In a brief moment of frustration, she said, "I just want to be able to play like Emily!"

She doesn't think Emily ever had to practice? What's with the haste?

So here's the simple question for your table talk:

Have you ever been anticipating something - a trip, or a party, or some great event, or an Amazon package arriving, or mastering a song on the piano, and it seemed to take forever?

Happens all the time, right?

The question is: is the opposite possible? Is it possible to anticipate a great event that is in the distant future - let's say seven years - and yet the time seems to pass very quickly?

For example:

He had to wait seven years to marry her, but it only seemed like a few days because he loved her so much.

Is this plausible? He loved her so much, so the time seemed to speed up? Shouldn't it have seemed to take forever?

Could it ever happen? How is it possible to anticipate something great - marrying your soul mate - and seven years could seem like a few days?

To answer this question, consider:

1. When does time seem to slow down?
2. When does time seem to speed up?

It seems to me that time seems to slow down when we're anticipating achieving or getting something, whereas time seems to speed up when we are preparing for some kind of test or trial.

If it seems strange that his love for her could make seven years pass quickly, that comes from an attitude of marriage = achieving or getting.

But if love and marriage (and kids?) is a great test and you're shooting for an A+, then the seven years might pass quickly indeed.


Shabbat Shalom


PS - I'm sure you already know how many days to Channuka.... but have you seen what's new in Goldy's list?
PPS - Yes, once again this week's post has an easter egg - can you find it?

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgiveness.html

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_forgivene

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Permission to Speed?

The goal of this blog is to slow everybody down for a few minutes. Please share.
Wishing Yisrael ben Sarah a speedy recovery from his surgery.

Following last week's story about the greatest Olympian (thanks for all of the positive feedback), here are four speed vignettes that all happened this week, leading to one vital question for your table.

1. A couple days ago, my wife is driving with our six-year-old on a city street where most drivers see the 30 MPH speed limit as a mere suggestion. If you drive 30, you will typically find someone tail-gating you, and everyone else racing past you as if you were standing still.

Maybe they like to get to the next red light quickly so they have more time to check their messages.

So out of the blue, our daughter says, "Mommy, you know you are allowed to speed here."

Oy, Mommy thinks, she's learning by example.

"How do you know that?"

"Because I saw a sign, it said, 'speed'!"

2. I myself was driving on a highway this week with someone who didn't like that I was going the speed limit, telling me that I am required to stay with the flow of traffic, even if it's over the speed limit.

(Not everyone agrees. The thrust of this discussion seems to conclude that it makes sense, but not sound legal advice. These guys all seem to agree that although many people do it, it's still illegal. But here we learn that the law varies by state.)

3. Somebody tells me yesterday that he has so little on his agenda, he doesn't know what to do. Not busy enough.

4. In the airport this week, we find ourselves sitting opposite a Tibetan monk. The kids are fascinated. One asks, "Why is he wearing a dress?"

His travel companion gives him a slice of pizza, which he places on his lap and meditates for a full five minutes before eating it.

That's pretty impressive. When we say a beracha, it might take us five seconds. Five minutes is major-league spirituality.

Now, after he finishes meditating, there is no outward indication that he is eating his pizza any differently than anyone else. Perhaps that's the point. Perhaps his meditation was all about not experiencing the pizza. Perhaps he's having an incredible experience of nothingness.

(It is interesting that many versions of Buddhist "mindful eating" do not seem to care about the taste of the food. See this Tibetan buddhist nun, this woman who attended a Triartna Buddhism retreat. According to this Theravadic monk, it is wrong to eat "for pleasure". Yet Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh demurs.)

So now for this week's question:

Let's go back to the Jewish version of pre-eating meditation, the bracha. The Talmud says that saying a bracha is a way of "paying" for the food. I may own it legally, but I don't have an ethical right to consume it until I say, "Wow, thank you."

But is it enough to say, "Wow, thank you" before I eat? Even if I say it with tremendous feeling?

Hos should the wow-thanks affect how I eat?


What say you and your table-mates?

Shabbat Shalom
PS - Here's a secular book with some practical wisdom on mindful eating. Here's a Jewish-oriented book with the same.

PPS - If you are thinking about Rosh Hashana gifts for any teacher, try our unique online resource for people like you.

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Driving Lesson

The goal of this blog is to add rhythm to your Shabbat table. Please print and share.


YESTERDAY I had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

I gave our oldest child his first driving lesson.

Someone asked me if I have any more gray hairs.

(As an aside, many of my gray hairs first appeared during my first year as a classroom teacher. Not making this up.)

Quite frankly, it was a delicious, wonderful experience and I savored every moment.

It says in Pirkei Avot (the Jewish book of ethics) that a wise person "learns from everyone".

Question for your table: What can you learn from your child during his first driving lesson?

In my opinion, the above sign says it all.

Think about how driving is different from most every other skill you teach a kid.

Chances are, the parent has a high degree of skill (or sees himself as having a high degree of skill). And the car is a potential lethal weapon. The stakes are high. 

If that doesn't help you cultivate patience, I don't know what would.

Some things take time. Patience helps. A wise person sees time as an opportunity to prepare.

Take matza for instance. We're supposed to eat it for a whole week. 

Some people savor every day of matza. Some count down the days until they can eat chametz again.

What kind of person are you?

For some people reading this, Passover is already a week-old memory.

One way we keep the message of the matza alive for the next six weeks is to look at a selection from Pirkei Avot every Shabbat afternoon.

Here's this week's selection:

Yehoshua ben Perachyah said: Make for yourself a teacher, get yourself a friend, and judge everyone towards merit.

The question for you and your table is: Are these just three random ideas, or is there a connection between them?


Shabbat Shalom

Being Mivater

בס’ד
My Bas Mitzva D’var Torah

Let’s say you walk into the dining room Friday night, to eat your meal. As you approach your normal seat, you notice someone sitting there. Who’s that someone?

Your most annoying, pesty little brother.

What do you do? Well, you have three choices.

Either you:

a. You shout “Get out of my seat! You have your own seat!” You run towards him, shove him off your chair causing him to cry, plop down in your seat, satisfied at what you just did.

b. You say “Please give me my seat.”

c. Quietly, without a word, you walk to a different chair, causing no problems.

What’s the difference between these three responses?

#A is getting really mad and totally going out of control and lousing your temper.

B, however, is different. There's nothing wrong with it. You have every right to ask for your seat back.

#C is what we call being mivater. You care more about other people’s feelings than about what you deserve.

It’s very hard to do #C, be mivater. You are thinking “What chutzpa does he have to sit in my seat!! You have to fight your Yetzeir Harah, hold back your anger, and quietly be mivater.

Why is it so important to be mivater?

We all know that after 7 years of working, Yaakov (Jacob) was able to marry Rochel Imeinu (Rachel). They were ready to get married. But did Yaakov marry Rochel? Oh, no! Tricky Uncle Lavan came along and gave Yaakov Rochel’s sister, Leah, to marry. He hid her face with a veil so Yaakov would not be able to see who it was. Yaakov and Rochel knew Lavan would do this, so they made secret signs so they would know if the kallah (bride) was really Rochel. But when it came time for the wedding, Rochel knew her sister would be so embarrassed if she didn’t know the signs, so she told them to Leah.

The midrash tells us that years later, when the Jewish People went into Gulus (exile), each of the Avos and Imohos (Forebears) pleaded to God to set their children free. But Hashem said “no” to each one.

First, Avraham came forward and said, “Please, in the merit of bringing my son up for a sacrifice, You should free my grandchildren,” but Hashem didn’t listen.

Then Yitchok (Isaac) came and said, “How about in the merit of my allowing myself to be a korban (sacrifice)? I asked my father to tie me up so that I would a kosher sacrifice for you!” but Hashem didn’t listen.

And so on, every Forefather and Foremother came forward to plead for the Bnei Yisroel (Jewish People) but Hashem didn’t listen.

Then Rochel Imeinu came to plead to Hashem. She told Him that even though she really wanted to marry Yaakov, she gave up her whole life to her sister just so that her sister wouldn’t be embarrassed. Then Hashem said: “Because of what you did, in your zechus (merit), I will bring the Bnei Yisroel back to me.”

We therefore learn from Rochel the importance of being mivater.

But the story needs an explanation.

Why is being mivater any better than Avraham Avinu and Sara Imeinu’s Hachanasas Orchim (hosting guests in their home)? Or Avraham giving up his only precious son to Hashem? Or Yitzchak Avinu giving up his life to be a sacrifice to Hashem? Or Yaakov learning so many years of Torah? After all, we learn that Talmud Torah Kineged Koolam - learning Torah is compared to everything! Surely Hashem should have agreed to take Bnai Yisroel out of exile in Yaakov’s zechus (merit).

I think that there are 2 ways to be mivater.

Lets say 5 year old Shprintzter Shloigenboigen wants his mother to give him a dollar for a soda, and Shprintzy who is a year older also wants one. Their mother only has one dollar in cash on her and so finally, after much arguing, Shprintzy is mivater and lets her younger brother have the dollar for soda. Shprintzy wanted the dollar. She didn’t deserve it. And she gave in. That’s the easy way to be mivater.

The second way to be mivater is like this.

Let’s imagine Rochel Imeinu’s chasunah (wedding). She had been engaged for 7 years. It wasn’t only that Leah was taking her chosson, she was taking her chasuna too! It was her invitations, her guests, her music, her banquet. She’s been planning this for 7 years already and she didn’t even get to get married - instead, she let Leah get married. And she did all this just so that her sister would not be embarrassed in front of everyone.

That’s the hard way to be mivater - when you totally deserve something, yet you let someone else have it anyway. This gives us a clue why Hashem only listened to Rochel’s pleas. All the other Avos and Imohos did what was right, but Rochel did beyond right.

If we really want Hashem to listen to our tefillos (prayers), we should concentrate less on what we deserve, and more on what other people need.

- Goldy Seinfeld


Shabbat Shalom