A Rabbi is a Rabbi is a . . .

Dedicated to the memory of my grandparents Lester & Sylvia Seinfeld, whose yahrzeits were this week. Also dedicated to the memory of all fallen US soldiers, including the 52 Jews who have died in uniform since 9/11/01 (see list at bottom). (To dedicate a future Table Talk, send an email.

In my grandfather's memory, and in honor of the coming end of the school year, here's a story I've told in the past with a message that we all need to hear once a year.

It was a sunny August afternoon, some weeks before my freshman year of college.

My grandparents were visiting for no particular reason and I was taking cover in the family room.

Among the old Penguin paperbacks lining the back wall. My mother's college texts that she displayed like family heirlooms. Euripides and Sophocles, Dante and Shakespeare, Brontë and Faulkner, and others in-between.

My shelter in the edifice of Plato-to-NATO.

(Ever notice that most of those guys had beards?)

That's where he cornered me.

The truth is, I didn't even known they were visiting, but in he walked with a jocular rebuke, "Don't you greet someone when they come to visit?"

"Hi, Pop, how are you?"

"I'm fine. All ready for college?"

"Not yet, getting there!"

"Well," he smiled, "I have just one word of advice for you before you go."

"Just one word?"

"One word."

I could hardly believe it. This was great. This was going to be one of those moments that I'd be able to tell my own grandchildren about, and better yet, to blog about.

I waited for the word. He had already started to stoop, yet had exchanged his 1975 dark-rimmed glasses for lighter, youthful frames.

No hurry. He was smiling, pausing for dramatic effect.

Finally came "the word":

"Don't take courses."

OK, that's interesting. Are we having a senior moment, or is there a punchline?

I raised an eyebrow or two and waited.

Then came the punchline:

"Take teachers."

"Take teachers?"

"With the most interesting subject in the world and a bad teacher, you won't learn a darn thing. But with the most boring subject in the world and a good teacher, you'll learn everything."

What a thrill! After 18 years of grandfatherly advice, here finally was something that seemed really relevant and true!

I did follow that advice, in college and beyond, and it never failed me. You can usually tell in one session. Take the great ones, no matter what they are teaching, avoid the bad ones, no matter what they are teaching.

Life is short. There is much to learn. Invest your learning time well.

Try this question at your Shabbat table: Who were the best teachers in your life? Did you ever thank them?



Shabbat Shalom

PS - Please remember to thank all of your child's teachers. Gifts are unnecessary, but a hand-written thank you note from you or better yet from your child means a lot. Teaching is hard work. They don't have to be perfect to deserve our appreciation.

PPS - Want to make your Table Talk rabbi happy? Like it, tweet it, or just forward it to someone who might enjoy it.

American JEWISH casualty list since SEPT 11, 2001:
Pontell, Darin
Lieutenant JG, Navy, Pentagon
9/11/01 Pentagon, Arlington, Virginia

Evnin, Mark A.
Corporal, Marines, Vermont
4/3/03 Central Iraq

Smith, Eric A.
Chief Warrant Officer, Army, New York
4/2/03, Central Iraq

Wershow, Jeffery
Specialist, Army National Guard, Florida
7/6/03 Baghdad, Iraq

Bernstein, David
1st Lieutenant, Army, Pennsylvania
10/18/03 Taza, Iraq

Fletcher, Jacob S.
Private First Class, Army, New York
11/13/03 Samara, Iraq

Seiden, Marc S.
Specialist, Army, New Jersey
1/2/04 Baghdad, Iraq

Dvorin, Seth
2nd Lieutenant, Army, New Jersey
2/3/04 Iskandariyah, Iraq

Wong, Elijah
Sergeant, Army National Guard, Arizona
2/9/04 Sinjar, Iraq

Bruckenthal, Nathan
Petty Officer, Coast Guard, New York
4/24/04 Northern Persian Gulf

Schrage, Dustin
Corporal, Marines, Florida
5/6/04 Anbar province, Iraq

Sherman, Alan D.
Sergeant, Marines, New Jersey
6/29/04 Southeast of Baghdad

Engel, Mark E.
Lance Corporal, Marines, Colorado
7/21/04 Brook Army Medical Center, Fort Sam Houston, Texas

Tarlavsky, Michael
Captain, Army, 5th Special Forces Group
8/12/04 Najaf, Iraq

Stern, Andrew K.
1st Lieutenant, Marines, Tennessee
9/16/04 Anbar province, Iraq

Harrington, Foster
Sergeant, Marines, Texas
9/20/04 Anbar province, Iraq

Cohen, Michael R.
Corporal, Marines, Pennsylvania
11/22/04 Anbar province, Iraq

Shackelford, Michael
Sergeant, Army, Colorado
11/28/04 Ramadi, Iraq

Freeman, Daniel J.
Specialist, Army, Ohio
4/6/05 Ghazni, Afghanistan

Ben Yahudah, Benyahmin
Specialist, Army, Georgia
7/27/05 Baghdad, Iraq

Allen, Howard Paul
Sergeant, Army National Guard, Arizona
9/26/05 Baghdad, Iraq

Jacobson, Elizabeth N.
Airman First Class, Air Force, Florida
9/28/05 Near Camp Bucca, Iraq

Clark, Ryan J.
Corporal, Army, California
6/29/06, San Antonio, TX

Wolfe, Colin J.
Private First Class, Marines, Virginia
8/30/06 Habbaniyah, Iraq

Paul, Robert J.
Staff Sergeant, Army Reserve, Oregon
9/8/06, Kabul, Afghanistan

Secher, Robert Michael
Captain, Marines, Tennessee
10/8/06 Anbar province, Iraq

Oremus , Michael K.
Private First Class, Army, New York
10/2/06, Baghdad, Iraq

Krissoff, Nathan M.
1st Lieutenant, Marines, Nevada
12/9/06 Anbar province, Iraq

Blum, Aron C.
Sergeant, Marines, Arizona
12/28/06 Naval Medical Center, San Diego

Weiner , Timothy, R.
Tech Sergeant, Air Force, Florida
1/7/07, Baghdad, Iraq

Agami, Daniel
Specialist, Army, Florida
6/21/07 Northern Baghdad, Iraq

Bitton, Albert
Corporal, Army, Chicago
2/20/08 Baghdad, Iraq

Wolfer, Stuart A.
Major, Army, Florida
4/6/08 Baghdad, Iraq

Rosenberg, Mark
Major, Army, Florida
4/8/08 Baghdad, Iraq

Yelner, Jonathan
Senior Airman, Air Force, California
4/29/08 Near Bagram, Afghanistan

Farkas, Daniel
1st Lieutenant, Army National Guard, New York
7/4/08 Kabul, Afghanistan (Camp Phoenix)

Weinger, Robert M.
Sergeant, Army National Guard, Illinois
3/15/09 Jalabad, Afghanistan

Pine, Shawn
Lieutenant Colonel, Army Reserve, Texas
5/20/09 Near Kabul, Afghanistan

Schulte, Roslyn
1st Lieutenant, Air Force, Missouri
5/20/09 Near Kabul, Afghanistan

Fairbairn, Aaron
Private First Class, Army, Washington
7/4/09 Combat Outpost Zerok, Afghanistan

Walker, Morris L.
Private First Class, Army, North Carolina
8/18/09, Dila, Afghanistan

Sklaver, Benjamin
Captain, Army Reserve, Connecticut
10/2/09 Muscheh, Afghanistan

Kane, Jeremy M.
Lance Corporal. Marines, New Jersey
1/22/10, Afghanistan

Zilberman, Steven Miroslav
Lieutenant, Navy, Ohio
4/2/10, Arabian Gulf

Fisher, Zachary M.
Sergeant, Army, Missouri
7/14/2010, Lagman, Afghanistan

Malachowski, James M.
Staff Sergeant , Marine Corps, Maryland
3/20/2011, Helmand Province, Afghanistan

Soufrine, Eric D.
Private First Class. Army, Connecticut
6/14/11, Afghanistan

Green, Douglas J.
Specialist, Army, Virginia
8/28/2011, Kandahar Province, Afghanistan

Shapiro, Steven F.
Private First Class, Army, California
10/21/11, Iraq

Seidler, Matthew R.
Airman First Class, Air Force, Maryland
1/5/12, Helmand Province, Afghanistan

Brodsky, Michael  J.
Petty Officer Second Class , Navy, Florida
7/21/12, Kandahar Province, Afghanistan

Greatest Teacher

The purpose of this blog is to provide something cool for a heated Friday night dinner conversation. Please print and share.

This week, a question for kids, and a question for adults for the Shabbat table.

The kids' question of the week: What makes a great teacher? How can you tell that someone's a great teacher?

The adults' question: How can parents help their kids' teachers become better?

One way would be to share with them the most important book on teaching that most teachers never read:

The First Days of School by Harry and Rosemary Wong.

The greatness of the book is its understanding how setting the right tone on the very first day of school makes all the difference in classroom management. Do your kids/grandkids/nieces/nephews/neighbors a favor and get a copy to each of their teachers.

Another tool that few teachers are aware of but should be is this remarkable new approach to classroom management. You have to see it to get it:

Chris Biffle, the creator:
http://youtu.be/JJw9mzCtWbk

Middle school science teacher implementing:
http://youtu.be/g6NmegdUK-I

HS math teacher using technique:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6WJdsb0dfM

4th grade reading
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xFcUPQ_z_8

1st-grade teacher who is using the technique (modified) to teach math:
http://youtu.be/pIk9qrMZHXM
(Does the method make her a better teacher?)

And Kindergarten:
http://youtu.be/yygIwC3PSvk

Did you know: The Jewish People invented the concept of compulsory public-supported education nearly 2,000 years ago? It had been the responsibility of every parent to teach their own children, but the rabbis observed that orphans were not being educated, so they instituted a new rule - everyone will use and support a new public school system, so that no child will be left behind. Along with this history, the Talmud gives a few rules for how to run a school, including the necessity of evaluating a teacher's effectiveness and making whatever changes needed in order for the children to learn.

Shabbat Shalom

PS - http://bestjewishkidsbooks.com has school supplies and gifts for teachers.

The iPhone app: http://tinyurl.com/amazingcalendarlink
Android version: http://tinyurl.com/amazingandroidcalendar

Little Box of Horrors?

Got a couple interesting replies to my iphone app announcement.

One was from a guy I had met in 2003. I’d forgotten all about him, and he isn’t on this mailing list, so he’d forgotten all about me.

He wrote to tell me that after his flirtations with Judaism in 2003 he got burned out, and moved to Bali, where he produces art and poetry.

But, he writes, “I'm in New York because my mom, z'l, passed away last week. I'm doing Kaddish for the shloshim and them back to Bali. She was a holocaust survivor and inspirational woman. Nu, what's happened to you in the past 8 years besides the gevaldik iPhone app?”

First question of the day – we can understand why he went back to NY for the funeral. But why is he staying there? Why not do the Kaddish and shloshim back in Bali?

This week, Baltimore’s Jewish community hosted a man named Phil Rosenthal.

Phil has a very difficult job: to teach parents and teachers what they don’t know about their kids.

Specifically, he focused on “technologies” – computers and smart phones. These things have infiltrated our lives so quickly that we haven’t really integrated them into our values-system.

Therefore, they are thrusting into our living rooms and pockets the values of those who control the technology.

Most new phones and every ipod touch (and it goes without saying a computer) comes with the ability to surf the web, and if you don’t disable that feature, you’re giving that child the keys to a candy store.

You’re giving yourself the keys to a candy store.

So this leads to my first question: Do you agree that something’s wrong here, that we (many of us) have had our souls over-saturated with not only the best but also the worst of the Web?

My second question is, to the extent that this is true, what’s the antidote?

Probably can’t get rid of it like a TV. It’s getting harder and harder to do certain things without the Web.

So how do you create the right balance for yourself, and how should adults teach kids the right balance?

(As you know, the purpose of this blog is to give you food-for-talk at your Friday night dinner table, i.e., questions, not answers. In this case, I think the answers are obvious, but perhaps not. If you’d like to dialog on this, send me your answers and Ill send you mine.... Hint – it has something to do with roll-modeling.... )

Shabbat Shalom

PS – Here’s Phil’s website: http://www.philiprosenthal.org/


PS, http://tinyurl.com/amazingcalendarlink

Climb Out of That Hole

Life underground seems to be a theme of the week.

And patience.

Just as Switzerland completed a 20-year project to build the world’s longest tunnel... (http://tinyurl.com/swisstunnelcompleted)

Just as the Chilean miners were emerging from their 70-day ultra slim-down retreat….

Two patience-required milestones happened in my life that were causes for personal joy. I just wanted to share these with you before I ask this week’s question.

Event #1 – after 12 years of work – yes, that’s not a typo, 12 years – I have in my hands the Hebrew version of the Art of Amazement. It was published just after Rosh Hashana in Jerusalem and it is exactly how I envisioned it. Small, paperback, beautiful cover.

1,000 extra copies were printed to send to Jewish centers around the world where young Israelis are wandering. (15,000 copies were requested, by the way.)

Event #2 – after 8 years of work, yesterday I submitted my very first iphone app to Apple.

How could it be, you ask, since the iphone hasn’t been around for 8 years?

I’ll leave that question unanswered for now. When the app is approved and I can unveil it to the world, then I will tell all.

Now, here’s the stumper for your table:

We live in a time of instant gratification. Food, information, communication, entertainment and you name it – can be enjoyed with the push of a button.

Some of us (including yours, truly) enjoy the slow, delayed gratification of home-grown vegetables.

But let’s face it. We’re all somewhat addicted to instant results. If a computer becomes sluggish, we get impatient, forgetting what computers were like just a few years ago.

One day I imagine our grandchildren are going to ask, “Tell us again that story about how phones used to drop the call…” or “Tell us that story about how you had to push buttons in order to call someone.”

So here’s the question: How can you get instant “spiritual” gratification?

(Remember the rules, there are no wrong answers, but ask at your table

Of course, there is the long-winded answer that I put into a book:

http://www.jsli.org/discount (that’s cheaper than you can get it anywhere else)

Here’s a short-winded answer:

Give to someone.

The moment that you give to someone, you are getting outside of your own bubble. That’s the most basic spiritual experience.

We all pay lip-service to becoming more spiritually-connected.

Time to put your mullah where your mouth is.

Our friend Captain Shulman is now on assignment on the US base in Korea. He just sent a list of Jewish soldiers currently serving overseas.

Why don’t we – you and I – try to make sure that every one of these soldiers gets something for Hannuka. A card, some chocolate gelt, a box of small candles, a book, a silly toy. You name it.

If you know any kids, get them to MAKE cards. Hand-made cards are the best.

Email me for the names. Let me know how many you want.

(The cost of mailing is the same as a US address, but needs 10-14 days.)

Think about it.

(But not too hard.)


Shabbat Shalom

Hug a Rabbi

What's your favorite teacher memory?

Today:

A. A remarkable, true teacher story
B. A challenge for all readers
C. The recipe for making your very own rabbi!

A. First, the remarkable story.

Solve for n, if 100 – n = 25

Starting to sweat? Then you must not have had Paul Miller as your math teacher.

Which would be unusual, since 75 years ought to be long enough to each just about everybody.

No, that's not a typo.

Here in Baltimore, there is a Jewish math teacher who has been teaching for 75 years.

That's 3x25 years.

It's such a remarkable and uplifting story, I’m inviting you to read it in full here.


B. The challenge for all readers

Did you ever have a teacher who changed your life?

Did your child/grandchild/nephew/niece ever have a teacher who went the extra mile?

Do you have any idea how hard it is just to be an average teacher?

My wife has always been diligent about giving a gift with a hand-written thank you note to all of our children's teachers every June. I urge you to do the same. If you can't afford a gift, a hand-written note is perfectly adequate. If you can't afford the stamp, send an email. Let them know how much you appreciate their work this past year.

You may want to print out the Paul Miller story and send it with your thank-you notes.


C. The Recipe

What's the Jewish slant on this?

Well, first and foremost, appreciation is supposed to be a hallmark of being Jewish. The word “Jewish” comes from Yehuda which means thankful.

But more than that….Everyone needs a teacher. Even we adults. When it comes to wisdom, we call this teacher a rabbi, a rav or a rebbe.

What's the difference?

Reb - equivalent to "Mr."
Rabbi - someone who has taught you some Torah or Jewish wisdom.
Rebbe - your primary teacher in one or more areas of wisdom.
Rav - someone, usually a rabbi, with whom you have a mentoring/coaching relationship, wherein you never "agree to disagree"

(To make it more confusing, "rav" is also used as a generic title in the place of "rabbi".)

(Also, it's OK to have more than one rav for various areas of life, but not more than one for the same area of life.)

Says the Talmud: "Acquire for yourself a friend, and make for yourself a rav."

This is the question for your table: Why does it choose the word "acquire" for a friend but "make" for a rav?

Think about it.

The answer, it seems to me, is this: For someone to be successful as your rav, in addition to inherent wisdom, they have to know your personal situation. What is good for the goose is not always good for the gander, so to speak. Therefore, you don’t just go to someone and say, “Will you be my rav?” Rather, you go to someone with specific questions, listen to the answers, try to follow them. Then go back with more questions. The more you go, the more you challenge, the more you listen and learn, the more that person becomes your rav. That’s the recipe for making yourself a rav.

By the way, everyone needs a rav. Even a rabbi. And every family needs a rav, not two.

Once again, think about it!

And don’t forget to send those thank you notes.

Shabbat Shalom


I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught. - Churchill

Oh yeah...PS:


PPS - http://www.cmu.edu/randyslecture/