What's the Opposite of Pain?

Happy Birthday to Rick! Wishing you health and blessings "ad me'ah v'esrim" - until 120!

Did you ever see LeBron James play?

Who would LeBron James rather play one-on-one —

Kobe Bryant or…

Alexander Seinfeld?

Why would he obviously want to play Kobe? Won’t he beat me so much more easily?

It’s obvious, isn’t it? Pleasure in life is not the absence of pain! We find pleasure only through challenges, or “pain” as it were.

No pain, no gain.

There is this guy I know.

He's trying to conquer an internet addiction.

He's trying to conquer an addiction to unhealthy food.

He's trying to conquer an addiction to comfort.

We have such a pull towards comfort - everyone knows that comfort sells.

Judaism says that comfort does not = pleasure.

Comfort comes when you get rid of pain.

Pleasure comes when you use pain to gain.

Think about exercise and sport. Think about learning music. Think about learning anything. Think about trying to be a better wife or husband or parent or child or friend.

Difficulties in life, these are the pain that we need in order to experience the real pleasures of life.

Think about it.

For your table - What are the biggest pains in your life? What are the biggest pleasure?


Shabbat Shalom

PS - This Table Talk was adapted from The Art of Amazement - nearly a decade in print.

PPS - Want to make your Table Talk rabbi happy? Like it, tweet it, or just forward it to someone who might enjoy it.

This is Your Brain

The purpose of this blog is to help you use your brain at the Friday night dinner table. Please print & share.



This week's question is about what makes you happy.

But first a short personal story.

Long, long ago in a land far, far away....

Known as the Land of Israel...

You know that place that seems so small and distant but keeps making headlines...

I decided to spend a year studying in a yeshiva.

Some of my extended family back in the States became a bit...concerned.

Who could blame them - what were those four years of college for? What about all that tuition? So you could become a monk?

One family member, when she got wind of my derailed "career", was baffled: "Don't you want to have nice things?"

Hmm.... nice things....

Nice things are nice, but do they make you happy?

No really, this is Question #1 of the week: Does your _________ (fill in the blank with a nice thing) make you happy?

There are many paths to happiness, but they all have one thing in common.

Whether your bliss is experiential, connecting to other humanoids or creative, there is one required feature for happiness:

You have to focus on what you have rather than what you're lacking.

Children teach us this great truth. A child eating pizza is happy. A child whose sister got a bigger slice is unhappy. A child feeling the warmth of a goodnight hug is happy, a child being told to go to bed is unhappy. A child building a lego masterpiece is happy. A child whose friend has more legos is unhappy.

I would like to learn a lesson from Steve Martin.

Remember Steve Martin, the banjo player?

How did he get so good?

He explains it like this:

"I got my first banjo when I was 17 and I started to teach myself one note at a time. I figured, Hey, if I keep this up for 35 years, pretty soon I'll have played the banjo for 35 years!"

The point, I think, is to figure out what you emjoy doing on the creative side and stick to it for a long, long time. You may not become a grammy-winner, but you'll be happy.

But then again, maybe you will win a grammy, who knows?



Question #2 for your table: What's the world's greatest creative challenge?

As a departure from my usual style, I'm actually going to give you my answer to the question.

I believe that the greatest creative challenge in the entire universe is one that every one of us has an equal gift at doing.

It may sound corny, but if you think about it, it is absolutely true.

The greatest challenge is to create - or recreate - yourself.

A person who grew up angry can become calm.

A person who grew up moody can become cheerful.

A person who grew up impatient can be patient.

A person who grew up blaming can become accepting.

A person who grew up lazy can become energetic.

A person who grew up stingy can become generous.

A person who grew up a gourmand can become a gourmet.

A person who grew up self-absorbed can become comradely.

And so on.

There ain't no grammy for self-perfection. But there is no greater pleasure than conquering even a single bad character trait.

Question #3 - What area of self-perfection would give you the most pleasure?

Shabbat Shalom

Go Goji Go!

The purpose of this email is to provide a conversation-starter for your Friday night dinner table - please print and share....

Dear Body,

 I know I'm not supposed to feed you a lot of carbs. I know that fruit is high in carbs. But this week was Tu-bishvat - the New Year of the trees! It's a mitzvah to enjoy extra fruit!

(Greatest way to break your diet is to make it into a mitzvah.)

So every year at this time I go to Whole Foods Market looking for as many different fruits as I can find. Hopefully, I'll also find something novel.

This year's harvest included: olives, grapes, dates, figs, pomegranate, walnuts, cashews, almonds, 5 varieties of apple, 2 types of grapefruit, 2 kinds of lemon, lime, cacao nibs, pineapple (not from a tree but looks great on the table), red bananas (not strictly speaking a tree but exotic!), mango, 2 kinds of pears, kiwi, prunes, apricots (the only fruit I really don't care for), grape juice and wine, coconut water (drink it cold), capers, maple syrup.... And don't forget chocolate, which after all does come from a tree!

And for a new fruit, I found these wolfberries, AKA "Himalayan goji berries". Allegedly really great for you, this article on wikipedia suggests treating such claims with skepticism. This article may present a more balanced view.

How did they taste? A bit bland. If you are going to try them, I'd recommend them with cereal or in a recipe, or try the chocolate-covered ones. Chocolate always seems to help. 

Question for your table: What's the most exotic fruit you ever tried? What's the most exotic fruit you ever refused to try? If you had to be stuck on a desert island with exactly one type of fruit tree, which would you prefer?

In my book, I describe the ancient Talmudic view that part of our purpose in this world is to enjoy the healthy pleasures that are offered to us. When a person arrives at his metaphorical Day of Judgment, they're going to ask him, "How did you like them Goji berries?"

Now, finally, I have an answer. How about you?

Shabbat Shalom

Flower Power

Dedicated to the memory of Esther Safer, a regular Table Talk reader for several years, who passed away suddenly in San Francisco at age 25. She will be missed by all who knew her.

I would also like to wish our son Avrami happy 12th birthday today (on the Hebrew calendar)– 1 more year to what my grandmother used to call “the big B.M.”

If you haven’t already, please download our spring newsletter – http://jsli.org


Speaking of birthdays, with cousin Jerry’s birthday coming up next week, I find myself wondering, “What do you get for the man who has, well, everything?”

And it’s a big milestone, too, 55. You know, that’s still the speed limit on many highways to this day.

Then I was thinking, Does he really have everything? How much is ol’ Jer worth these days?

Forbes thinks he’s netting about 500 mil from the franchise.

That’s a lot of bananas.

Whenever I hear about so many bananas, I start to think, Wow, that’s a lot of bananas! Just imagine what you could do with so many bananas! You could buy anything you want! Tired of your computer? Toss it in the trash and get a new one. Tired of typing? Hire someone to type for you at 100 wpm – shoot, you could hire 10 people, each one to type with one finger.

But you know, we all know that there is no correlation between wealth and happiness. The more stuff, the more worries. We know this yet we still pursue it. We want the security. We want the top health care. We want the private midtown Manhattan parking garage for our Porsche collection.

You know what is real pleasure for almost everyone I know? Doing or creating something with your hands.

A few days ago, I was un-flowering our back lawn. I must have pulled hundreds of dandelions until the lawn was a solid beautiful sea of green.

Dandelions are a challenge because you don’t want to pull out any grass, and that root is deep. If you don’t get it just right, it breaks off and the dandelion wins.

So you have to hunt carefully for the exact center. I pulled so many dandelions that whenever I shut my eyes for the next few hours, I kept seeing dandelions in my head.

Then it rained.

The next day, I couldn’t believe it. There were so many dandelions in the yard it looked like I hadn’t done anything at all.

It's like trying to uproot a negative personality trait, like a penchant for anger or frustration, or a gossip habit. You've got to get it out at the root, or it just comes back.

But it still felt good, and I’d do it again.

Question for your table - quick survey: What are your top 4 life priorities?

Shabbat Shalom



PS – did I mention our spring newsletter? Download it here – http://jsli.org