Good Riddance?

 The purpose of this blog is to create love and wisdom at that Shabbat table and all year round. Please print and share...  By the way, Isn't tonight the night?

Does that photo look vaguely familiar? 

I used it last week. The repeat is to show our solidarity with those who are suffering out West.

One of those suffering out West, a long-term subscriber to this email, sent me the following email the other day:

I would like you to remove me from your weekly email distribution list. You might be surprised to know that I read nearly everything you send. And over the years I have found that in doing so my heart is not made more loving.  My ability to use my mind in service to wisdom has not been strengthened. And instead I find myself increasingly agitated by and sad after reading what you write. 

(I was indeed surprised - I sometimes wonder if anyone reads what I send. I figure most people stop reading after awhile. And I was also uplifted to know that he continues to be a seeker of love and wisdom.)

I'll leave it to you, dear reader, to interpret both the content and the timing of his missive. On a related note, last night I heard a rabbi speak in less-than-glowing terms about the departure of the Year 5780. He said,

"I don't need to tell you that this has been a very difficult year, for the world and for the Jewish People. Many people have suffered, many are still suffering. Many are simply depressed or afraid. I don't think many of us are sorry to see 5780 go, and we are all hopeful that 5781 will be a better year."

I wonder .... without minimizing anyone's suffering, haven't there been many Rosh Hashanas when we could say that? Right now the plagues and fires and economic woes etc. seem historic and unprecedented. But maybe that's because they're happening right now?

Maybe we could reframe: it seems to me that having a new year is a great opportunity to ask three questions:

1. What's something important you learned in 5780?
2. What's something you did in 5780 that you're proud of?
3. What do you dream of accomplishing in 5781?

(For a list of 28 such questions, plus a few more for Yom Kippur, send me an email.)
(In addition to the RH/YK questions, we have an updated Significant Omens sheet and a couple other Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur specials - shoot me an email.)

This is one of only a couple times a year when we mention the costs of sending this email. What a coincidence - this happens to be the time of year when Jews give more generously than usual. Please consider showing your appreciation and support with a tax-deductible contribution of any amount - with many options available at http://jsli.org/donate . Your support not only keeps our computers running and lights on, it helps us make an impact on thousands of lives through our educational programs. If you'd like details on our programs and their outcomes, shoot me an email.

Like public radio, we have some cool thank you gifts - become a supporting member and we'll send you something special.

And now I'm going to leave you with an intentionally provocative question for your Shabbat/Holiday table:

What would be worse - a year of peace and prosperity when you learned absolutely nothing, or a year of suffering when you gained great wisdom? In other words, is wisdom ever worth suffering for?

Shabbat Shalom

L'Shana Tova - Happy New Year
May you and yours be inscribed and sealed in the Book of Life!

May 5781 be a year of great blessings and see an end to great suffering.

 

Enjoyed this Table Talk? Vote with your fingers! Like it, tweet it, forward it....{VR_SOCIAL_SHARING}
A

Satisfact or Fiction?

The goal of this email is to please even the maximizers at the dinner table. Please share.
Happy Birthday shout-out to Shelli in SF

When I first used the word "saticficer" five years ago, at least one reader thought it was a typo.

The word is indeed a neolgism, coined in 1956 by the brilliant polymath Herbert Simon.

A satisficer is a person who chooses a product or service that is "good enough" (satisfied with what will suffice).

As opposed to a maximizer, who is always trying to get the "best".

According to Barry Schwartz (his book; his TED talk; his research), satisficers are usually far happier than maximizers.

To put it simply, maximizers take forever to make choices, then often regret their choices.

Question 1 for your table - Test yourself to see if you are a satisficer or maximizer:

Imagine having the task of sewing a patch onto a pair of jeans. The best needle to do the threading is a certain 4" needle with a 3mm eye. The problem is that this needle is hidden in a haystack along with 100 other needles of various sizes. Would you the use the first needle that can sew on the patch, or spend the time searching for that one specific needle in the haystack?

Maybe that's too crazy an example. So let's make it more realistic: Think of a few non-food items you recently purchased. Did you go for "good enough" (satisficer) or pursue the elusive "best" (maximizer)?

(Still not sure? Try this 6-question quiz.)

Question 2 - It's a mitzvah to be happy. Therefore, it's a mitzvah (usually) to act as a satisficer. But how can a maximizer become a satisficer?

(I've seen many attempts to answer this question, such as this and this, but none are satisfying me.)

(But Gretchen Rubin's blog post - and her readers' comments - are worth a quick read.)

Question 3 - this may be the hardest one - Are there any times when even a satisficer ought to act like a maximizer?


Shabbat Shalom


PS: Some Rosh Hashana links....

1. Rosh Hashana countdown timer: http://jsli.org
2. For my Rosh Hashana prep worksheet (appropriate for any age), reply to this email and ask!
3. Our four favorite honey dishes which make great gifts: Here's the link.

PPS - Just one hidden link this week - can you find it?

Like this email? How about putting your gelt where your gab is: Like it, tweet it, or just forward it.

Knowledge v. Wisdom

Congratulations to our friend Eric Swergold who is going solo as of January 1, 2011 in a new venture called Firestorm Capital. There's nothing harder, nor more rewarding, than "hanging out your shingle". More on this topic next week.

This week, an anecdote, 2 questions, and a story.

The anecdote:

One reader of last week's blog complained that the question, "Is this weekly Table Talk worth a nickel?" wouldn't really go over well at their Friday night dinner table, as not everyone there reads it.

I pointed out that they should consider last week like pledge week on NPR - you know, diminished content in order to remind you to send in your nickel.

Well, thank you to everyone who contributed a nickel (or more) to our non-profit mission, which is described here. Total Table Talk contributions for the end-of-the-year have reached nearly $2,000. Your generosity is quite literally making this and other programs possible.

Look at these two emails we received recently, the first is from someone less connected:

The Art of Amazement has resonated very well with me as its contents are directed at a number of principles I have already sought to incorporate into my life, and by citing Judaism as one of the greatest ways of achieving these goals it does a great deal to ease my hesitation in becoming a more connected Jew.

The second comes from someone who describes herself as "religious":

My friend and I were searching for a meaningful book on prayer. Your book "The Art of Kavanah" opened our eyes to the spiritual potential of our Judaism - the very spiritually that had pulled us into the fold, but gotten lost on ritual and rote.

Thank you for your publishing and your work in this area, your books have forever changed our relationship with Hashem.

(If you still want to put your nickel in the pushkeh (that's Yiddish for collection box), click here.)

Also, thank you to everyone who completed the 2-minute annual Table Talk reader survey, which is extremely helpful to us in creating this and other services. You can still find it here.

This reader's question (above) prompted me to wonder about the following question...

Question 1 — What's the difference between knowledge and wisdom?

Try asking that at the table, and see what people say.

It seems to me that knowledge is information and wisdom is the ability to process information and make decisions.

What's interesting is that most people are willing to pay for knowledge but fewer seem willing to pay for wisdom.

For example, people will pay a lot of money to learn how to make money. But every year I find that only a minority will contribute a nickel a week to learn how to live a meaningful life.

This observation leads to...

Question 2 - Why is that?

(I have two theories, but would like to hear yours.)


Shabbat Shalom

...with blessings for a happy, healthy and fruitful 2011!

PS... we are now putting an amazing-video-of-the-week on our homepage - you'll love this one!

PPS - I'm sure I mentioned my new iphone/ipod/ipad app, right?

The goal of this blog is to give you a conversation-starter for your Friday night dinner table. Please print and share.

Dessert

Dedicated to Yiddel ben Fruma for a complete and speedy recovery.
To dedicate a future Table Talk, please send an email.


This is it, the last Table Talk of the year. How do I make up for all the less-than-amazing Table Talks of the past year?

One of the best sources of stories in this space is our daughter Emuna. Born five and a half years ago in Palo Alto, she started kindergarten this week. That means that she’s now wearing the plaid uniform that she envied her sister over the past 2 years. On Tuesday morning, she was up and dressed an hour early, racing down the stairs with such joyous anticipation in her eyes.

“Abba,” she informed me, “I’m going to kindergarten today!”

“Are you really? That’s wonderful. And is that your new kindergarten uniform?”

She beamed and nodded her head. She couldn’t even speak.

In contrast, her older sister Goldie was more serious, a bit apprehensive about entering third grade. She didn’t want to tell me why, but after school she revealed what was going on: “It wasn’t as hard as I thought,” she said. “I saw that whole long list of supplies we needed and thought it was going to be really hard.”

+ + +

A transition into a higher level, a new job, a new relationship is always a wonderful moment of anticipation, maybe a little apprehension.

That’s what’s happening to all of us next Wednesday night, Thursday and Friday. It’s a chance to start anew. But you’ve got to get your uniform and supplies ready.

Then you have two jobs:

1. End this year well
2. Start next year right

Did you ever go to a movie or read a book that was pretty good or even great until the end, and the ending was bad and it soured the entire story for you?

I remember thinking that about Born on the 4th of July. Great story, weak ending. That’s how I’ll always remember it.

On the other hand, did you ever have a humdrum meal that ended with an awesome dessert, leaving quite literally a good taste in your mouth?

How to end the year well: Look back on the past twelve months. Where did you fall short that you kind of regret? This is the last chance for this year to leave a good taste in your mouth. How you experience this Shabbat will “fix” the past year’s worth of Shabbats. How you treat your loved ones these next few days will “fix” a year’s worth of relationships. Make this last Shabbat and last few days of the year the kind of spiritually-connected uplifting, serene existence that you know you have in you, if you only would make a little more effort. Apologize to everyone you need to. Say I love you a few extra times. Go out with a bang, have a strong finish, a great ending.

How to start next year right: Is it really so easy to “fix” the past? Join me for a national call-in class on “How to use the holidays to repair the past and become the kind of person I want to become, (including how to run an amazing Rosh Hashana feast for the entire family)” this Monday night September 10 at 7pm PDT/10pmEDT. Cost will be $10 ($5 for teachers and students, free for Helkeinu members and JSL members). Registration required; to register, please send an email to RH2007@jsli.org.

Writing this Table Talk blog is a particular challenge because the audience is as diverse as can be. If I have written anything in the past that has offended you, bored you, irritated you, annoyed you or in any way failed to inspire you; if you have emailed me and not received a reply fast enough, please forgive me!

Wishing you and your family a sweet, healthy, prosperous and amazing 5768!

L’Shana Tova u’Metuka. May you be written and sealed in the Book of Life.

Shabbat Shalom.

(with thanks to Michael Lipson)

Einstein quote of the week:
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them."
- Albert Einstein

Israel fact of the week:
Israel has the highest per capita high tech investment in the world.

Announcements:
New Amazement website launching – sneak preview: http://jewishspirituality.net – please send your feedback!

Speaking schedule:
September 12-14 - Rosh Hashana – Baltimore/Etz Chaim (“The Un-Shul” for those who want to connect but don’t connect to shul)
September 21-22 – Yom Kippur - Los Angeles/Helkeinu (“The Happiest Yom Kippur of Your Life”)
September 27-Oct 4 – Sukkot – if you are in town, please join us in our Sukka. Good time guaranteed.
October 14-16 – San Francisco area
October 17-18 – Los Angeles

(For details, send an email)


Yiddish of the week:
Gut yahr! – Happy New Year!


Yiddish review - how many do you know?
anee — poor person
koptsen — panhandler
ballaboss — homeowner; layman
nu — various meanings (see archives)
mishpocha — family
mameh — mother
tateh — father
mazal – (MAH-z’l) luck or fortune, as in, “It was good mazal that....”
beshert – (b’shairt) - meant to be, as in “It was beshert that...”
mine eltern – my parents
mine lair-er – my teacher
hamantashen – Haman-pockets
zeigezunt – all the best (said upon parting)
kesher - connection
Ikh volt veln a kave, zayt azoy gut. - I'd like a coffee, please.
...kave mit shmant. – ...a coffee with cream.
...kave mit milkh. – ...a coffee with milk.
...kave mit tsuker. - ...a coffee with sugar.
Di Fir Kashes - The Four Questions
Oy vey! - Good grief!
mensch — a decent person
rachmanos — mercy
neshoma (neh-SHOH-ma) — soul
minig — custom, as in, "Why do you do that?" "It's my minig!"
Gavaltig — wonderful
Oy gavalt — how wonderful (sarcastic)
Azoy gait es! — That’s how it goes!
Shabbos — Cessation; stopping; day of stopping; weekly sabbatical experience
"Gut Shabbos" — "Enjoy your weekly sabbatical experience"
Neshoma — Soul
meshugass — insanity
meshuganeh — insane
kyna hara — no evil eye
shvitz — sweat
shanda — shame
Lechayim! — Cheers!
Pinteleh Yid — the Jewish feeling in the heart of every Jew
Zreezus — zeal
Mkohm — place (pl. mkohmas)
mamalashen — mother tongue
bentch — make a bracha
bashert – meant to be, pre-destined, as in, “He’s my bashert” or “It was bashert that...”
kvetch — complain
kvell — burst with pride
hishtadlus — effort, due diligence; as in, “Do your hishtadlus and let Hashem worry about it.”
Yiddishe kopf — Jewish knowledge and perspective (lit., Jewish head)