How to Fly High

The purpose of this blog is to raise spirits at the Shabbat table. Please print and share.
In memory of  Jeremy Dossetter (Yermiyahu Matan), zichrono livracha, whose first yahrzeit is observed tonight and tomorrow.


Now that the holidays are officially over, is it back to business-as-usual, or has something changed?

The other night, my driver-in-training daughter and I are out for a spin, trying to get her to her 60 hours.

We decide to make our destination a local drugstore.

There's always something you need at a drugstore.

No lines - looks like we were the only customers.

Now, if we could just avoid the employees, we'd have it made....

So we arrive at the checkout with our items. The employee on duty is a young woman.

As we are stepping up to the counter, this employee is tearing open a package of cookies. As I am reaching to place my items on the counter, she quickly rips two or three cookies from the package and stuffs them all in her mouth at once.

This does not occur while her back is turned to us, nor her side.

She is facing us and is not even three feet away.

Now, this account could remain a tale of mere manners and professionalism.

But it gets worse.

Maybe I should keep my mouth shut, but I feel like I should say something.

So as lighthearted and friendly as possible, with a smile, I say, "You know, those aren't very healthy."

Her answer (once she finishes swallowing, give her credit for that): "I know, but, hey, you gotta die sometime, so who cares if it's a little sooner rather than later."

She has stunned us into silence.

Back in the car, my daughter has a comment.

First question for your table: What would you guess she says?

(She said she was sad for this woman who evidently felt that she had very little to live for.)

Second question: What would you have said (if anything)?

Third question: Is this woman to be praised for 'living in the moment'?

As noted above, tonight is the first yahrzeit of our beloved student and friend Jeremy, whose helicopter went down off the coast of Molokai, Hawaii.

Jeremy exemplified both living in the moment and living with a sense of purpose. He would have been the last person to knowingly endanger his life because he loved life and had big meaningful goals.

I believe he saw this world as both a beautiful artwork and a blank canvas on which to paint the work of art called "My Life".

The best way we can honor him is to be inspired by him. May his memory be for a blessing.

Speaking of Jeremy and painting, here's a final question for your table.

This is the kind of philosophical question he enjoyed discussing when we studied Torah together via Skype.

Imagine a painter makes a picture of a natural scene, with trees and people and so on.

5 minutes after the he completes the painting, you and I look at that person in the picture. I ask you, “How old would you say that man is in the painting?”

 

You scrutinize it and decide that he looks like he’s 50 years old.

 

“Wrong! He’s only 5 minutes old!”

 

Who’s right?

Shabbat Shalom

PS - The image above was Jeremy's Skype image, a self-portrait I believe, and yes it is clickable.

 

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Rule #1: Don't Panic

The purpose of this email is to ask and answer ultimate questions at the Shabbat table. Please print and share (+ like it, tweet it, forward).
 

At a certain climax in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, we learn that the Ultimate Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything is.... "forty-two".

But that begs the question: What's that the answer to?

So in the story, the supercomputer Deep Thought runs an experiment to solve this problem. The experiment is called Earth, another supercomputer, comprised of people who will collectively reveal the answer (meaning, the question whose answer is 42).

Unfortunately, five minutes before the supercomputer-called-Earth is going to finally reveal the solution, the planet is destroyed by the Vogons in order to make way for a hyperspace bypass.

Therefore - if you're still with me - the hyper-intelligent (and rather evil) mice need to quickly invent an answer (which is really the question) because they're about to go on the air on a talk show with everybody watching. So after some debate, they decide that the question (whose answer is 42) would most plausibly be: "How many roads must a man walk down?"

Now why am I telling you all this?

Two days ago, our son was at a Torah class where the rabbi quoted the 20th Century Chassidic classic, Nesivos Shalom. The author - the Slonimer Rebbe, Rabbi Shalom Noach Berezovsky zt”l - interprets the 42 stages of the Israelites in the wilderness as symbolic of the 42 paths a person walks in a lifetime.

Flabbergasting.

But now for your table: What's more flabbergasting, that Douglas Adams somehow channeled the Nesivos Shalom? Or that we have 42 paths to walk in our lifetime?

It may be hard for you to concentrate right now because you are so preoccupied with preparing for Pesach.

Just in case you are not feeling enough anxiety, your second question for the table is, How many days until Pesach?

I sense that the question makes you uncomfortable, so we have updated the website with a Passover countdown-clock:

http://jsli.org

Rule #1 in using the clock: Don't panic.

All that you have to do is laugh a bit.

And a little bit more.

And then ask yourself, "How many paths have I walked until now?"

Shabbat Shalom
 

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Great Men

The purpose of this email is to turn the Friday night dinner table outward. Please print and share (+ like it, tweet it, forward).
In memory of Raphael Shachar ben Aharon.

 

Raise your hand if you're tired of hearing about, and talking about, failed men?

So let's talk about a great man who died this week at age 37.

His name was Shachar Weissberg.

Shachar was born in Baltimore on March 25, 1980, one week before Pesach.

At age 7 he was first hospitalized with a neurological disease.

Here is one story from that time that shows you exactly what kind of person he was - and man he became:

At Channuka time, he asked his family to please bring him presents to the hospital.

And how they did! Their beloved brother was stuck in the hospital while other kids his age were going to school, playing in the snow, and so on.

What was his reaction to all the gifts?

He went down the hallway and gave them to all the other children in the hospital.

For Shachar, life wasn't about getting his needs or wants met. It was about looking for opportunities to do chesed.

Here is one of the only blog posts he managed to write:

On the first night of Chanuka, 2011, I arrived in Israel with my mother for what was going to be a three in a half week vacation to visit my dear siblings and their families. We also came to see what our options where in order to make aliyah that summer. I will never forget that night when I arrived in Israel and how excited I was to finally be here. Little did I know that this was the beginning of a new chapter in my journey in life. Two weeks later, I was hospitalized with a severe case of pneumonia and a collapsed lung, and I spent the next three in half months in Shaare Zedek. It was a very difficult time and I will write the many stories of hashgacha pratis that accompanied me and helped me pull through. I am currently living in Yerushalayim where I have always wanted to live. Although it was not the way I dreamed of coming and settling here, but it was definitely the hand of God that brought me here.

Question for your table: What's more important - being happy right now or making someone else happy right now?

May his memory be for a blessing.

Shabbat Shalom
 

and Happy Channuka!


PS - 4 days to Channuka? Here's our recommended books and toys for kids of all ages?

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Luck, Fate or Karma?

The purpose of this blog is to get kids of all ages talking at the Friday night dinner table. Print and share.

Here's a true story for your table tonight, followed by an inescapable question.

Take a look at this photo, to the left.

Take your time to study it carefully.

Notice the position of the white pickup truck. How do you think it got there?

Notice where the guardrail is broken where the people are standing?

Notice how the breach is on the other side of the culvert (tunnel)?

According to police, the pickup was traveling about 80 mph when it crashed through the guardrail.

It flipped end-over-end bounced off and across the culvert and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert, now facing the opposite direction from which the driver was traveling.

The 22-year-old driver and his 18-year-old passenger were unhurt except for minor cuts and bruises.

This occurred near Hurricane, Utah on Highway 59, on December 30, 2006.

Here's one speculation of how the accident occurred:



Now look at this perspective on the same scene:




Think it's a photoshop hoax?

I thought so too, but Snopes doesn't think so.

Snopes' research goes so far as to give us an arial photo of the same spot:



So now the obvious question for your dinner table:

Luck, fate or karma?

As I often tell the seniors in a local assisted-living home where many are mobility-challenged: If you're here today, that means you have something to contribute to the world. Even something as "small" as a smile can change the world.

(Even if your answer to the question is "luck", doesn't this attitude make life more liveable?)

Think about it.

 

Shabbat Shalom

PS - the locals want you to know that they call their town “Her-ah-kun”. Don't want you to sound like a tourist, they say.

PPS - IMHO, the idea of karma relates to the Jewish idea of hashgacha.

 

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Begin Again Now

The purpose of this blog is to help you turn your Shabbat table into an vibrant salon. Please share.
In honor of my dear Mother's birthday - Happy Birthday Mom!
(To dedicate a future TT, send an email.)


For a conversation-starter, try showing this photo around the table and ask everyone what they think it depicts:



(If you cannot view the photo in this email, click here.)

Hint: The snap shows a street at Foxconn, the Shenzhen (China) factory that makes our iphones, ipads, ipods and many other gadgets.

So what are those nets for?

They were installed in 2010 in response to the high rate of suicide at the factory that year.

That's the screaming headline.

In fact, even at the peak of its problem, Foxconn (which employs a mind-boggling 400,000 people in Shenzhen) had a lower suicide rate than the national China average.

But I'm re-hashing this topic because it makes an interesting conversation starter and an opener to the bigger question of the week:

What is wrong with suicide?

I'm sorry if that sounds morbid, but it's really a question about life and meaning, and purpose. So now that the High Holidays have passed and Jewish life is "back to normal", I'm challenging you to ask this at your table: Why shouldn't suicide be a moral and legal option?

I hope that the discussion will lead to an affirmation of the value of life, and perhaps greater scrutiny of what makes life itself precious.

Shabbat Shalom


PS -  If you haven't already, please download our (corrected) fall bulletin here.
PPS - This week's title is borrowed from a terrific book by Rabbi Pliskin well worth your time.

Master of the Name

The purpose of this blog is to provide a conversation-starter for your Friday night dinner table. Please print and share.

Last week's Table Talk generated a huge amount of positive feedback. If you missed it, it is archived here.

This week's story is for anyone who is feeling down.

Or knows someone feeling down.

Or might feel down one day and find it helpful to have a story like this on file to pull out and re-read at the time.

The protagonist is of the most famous rabbis of all time.

I don't know if it's true or not.

But they don't tell stories like this about you and me.

He's known as the Baal Shem Tov.

If you want to remind yourself who he was and what he did, click here.

Here's the story.....

For those who "do" Shabbat, even a little bit, Saturday night can be a mystical time.

The more you do Shabbat, the more mystical Saturday night can become.

Saturday night is when a person can savor the Shabbat that one just experienced. Bask in the glow. The greater the experience, the greater the glow.

Something like enjoying a drink or cup of coffee or tea after an excellent meal.

The long Saturday nights in winter, all the more so.

One such Saturday night, while all were basking in that glow, the Baal Shem Tov told his driver to prepare the wagon and they set out with several of his students.

When they reached the open road outside of town, he told the driver, "Get the horses into a gallup and then let go of the reins."

This driver knew better than question or doubt anything that the great tzaddik said.

The horses were allowed to run freely, to follow their instinct.......
They ran and ran, on-road, off-road, on paths seldom traveled.

Finally, after an hour or so, they slowed and stopped.

They had come to a stop before a small cottage on the outskirts of a small town in the forest.

The residents must have heard the noise outside because almost instantly a man came rushing out, a Jewish man.

"My friends," he called to them, hurrying to the road. "My friends, my friends, welcome! Please, come inside for a warm drink, for a bit of food. We seldom see travelers here, please do me the honor of welcoming guests into our home!"

The Baal Shem Tov, his students and driver all followed the man inside.

When the man heard that they were from Medzibozh, his face lit up even more. "Do you know the Baal Shem Tov?"

Before anyone else could answer, the rabbi said, "If you please, we are indeed hungry and thirsty, may we speak later?"

The man served them a hot meal. They sang songs together.

When the hour got late, he invited them to stay the night and they accepted.

In fact, they stayed not one night, not two nights, but five nights with this Jewish family, until they had consumed all of their food.

When they departed on the sixth morning, the many thanked them profusely and asked, "If you see the Baal Shem Tov, would you please ask him for a bracha for me, that I should raise my children to be good Jews?"

Finally, the rabbi told him. "I am the rabbi you are asking about. God sent me to you for a reason, and soon you will know why."

They departed before their stunned host could gather his thoughts and reply.

As he re-entered his house, still in a daze from what had just happened, he encountered his wife.

She was not happy.

To say the least.

"You fed those strangers every moursel of food in our house! We have nothing left! And the children are hungry! They're crying! What are you going to do?!!"

In despair, the man closed his eyes, and uttered a simple prayer.

"Master of the universe, what did these children do to deserve to suffer? Please send us help!"

He continued for a few minutes, thinking about his wife and children, what they needed and asking for help.

While lost in this meditation, there was a knock on the door.

It was a non-Jewish neighbor named Ivan.

Ivan often came by for a visit and a shot of vodka.

This time, Ivan had other business.

"My friend, I've known you a long time, and you know that I live with my daughter and son-in-law, and that they make me miserable. I can't stand it anymore. Let me come stay with you."

Before the Jewish man could tell Ivan he had no food in the house, Ivan continued.

"I won't bother you. In fact, it will be very good for you. You see, long ago I made a fortune and I buried it in the forest in a secret location. I don't want my daughter and son-in-law to get it. I will give it to you. All of it. Just help me get out of the misery."

Seeing that the man was incredulous, he added, "Come, come with me, we'll get some of the treasure right now."

Into the forest they went, shovel in hand, and sure enough, Ivan dug up a sack full of gold coins.

So Ivan gave the man the treasure in exchange for his hospitality.

Not only did the man's family have enough to eat, they became great givers of tzedaka.

A few years later, the man traveled to Medzibozh to visit the Baal Shem Tov.
When the Baal Shem Tov saw him, he spent an unusual amount of private time with him.

Seeing this, his students asked, "Why did Rebbe spend so much time with this particular man?"

"You don't remember him. He is the Jew we visited Saturday night a few years ago. The Holy One brought us to him. There was a decree in Heaven that he should be blessed with great weath. The problem was that this simple Jew was so satisfied with what he had, that he never asked for anything more. There was a chance that the blessing would never reach him. We were sent to him to consume all of his food so that he would ask for help."

Question for your table: What is the moral of this story? Can you think of two or three?

Shabbat Shalom

PS - Thank you to all those who responded to last week's PS.... As I wrote then, if you're read this far, chances are you enjoyed this message. Tomorrow night at 11:59 pm is your last chance to make tax-deductible contributions for 2011. How many appeals have you received this year? But you read this email, so you got something out of it. Maybe you have enjoyed this Table Talk throughout the year. Please support the organization that makes this and many ambitious educational programs possible. Here's the link: http://jsli.org/donate/ No contribution is too small or too large.

PPS - Robert Zimmerman:

PPS - Another selection from the Amazing Jewish Fact-a-Day Calendar

++++++ Sunday’s Amazing Jewish Fact ++++++
6 Tevet 5772
1 January 2012

At the age of 40, Akiva (ca. 60 CE) was an illiterate shepherd.

At his wife's insistence, he went to learn, but was embarrassed to be sitting in school with kindergarteners. Yet he couldn't go home, because his wife told him not to return until he was a scholar.

Feeling sorry for himself. Akiva sat down by a stream and stared at the water.

As he watched the dripping water slowly wearing away a rock, he had a flash of inspiration:

"If water, which is so soft, can wear away a hard rock, surely a little Torah can get into my hardened heart!"

So inspired, he returned to kindergarten.

By the age of 64 he had become Rabbi Akiva, the greatest scholar in Israel, with 24,000 students.

Talmud Nedarim 50a, Ketubot 62b-63a

Wikipedia on Rabbi Akiva
A book about Rabbi Akiva
An amazing class by R. Akiva Tatz on the meaning of life 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From the Amazing Jewish Fact-a-Day Calendar:

http://tinyurl.com/amazingcalendarlink (iphone/ipad version)
http://tinyurl.com/amazingandroidcalendar (android version)

What We’ve Sacrificed For You

In memory of Phil Saltman, our next door neighbor, who passed away this week. He was an extraordinarily talented, sensitive and giving soul. The salt of the earth.

A short story. . .and 2 questions.

There was a little boy who loved his mother.

Every Friday he would see his father buy his mother beautiful flowers for his mother would place in a large crystal vase.

The little boy thought to himself, "I would like to do that for Mommy also. So he goes out one Friday afternoon and picks some flowers for his mother.

You can imagine what a little boy brings back, a few weeds, some grass, something dripping pollen. The little boy is so proud of himself and marching in he declares, "Look Mommy, I got you flowers just like Daddy!"

Well, the mother would really like to throw them into the garbage, but she understands that they represent the love her son has for her and so she gets a Styrofoam cup and arrange them as nicely as possible and set the little cup next to the crystal vase.

How proud the little boy is!

So every week he would go out and pick his "flowers" for his mother for Shabbat.

But little boys being what they are, after a while the excitement wore off and it began to be another chore he had to perform. One Friday afternoon he’s playing with his friends and he remembered the flowers. He runs and grabs a few weeds and dashes into the house. Tossing them on the table he says slightly annoyed "Here! You want flowers, I brought you flowers".

The question: How should the mother respond?

His mother looks at him sadly and says, "That's all right, Daddy gets me lots of flowers. I don't need you to bring me any." And she scoops up the weeds and drops them into the garbage. Then, realizing there is no more need for the Styrofoam cup, crushes it and tosses it into the garbage can.

A second question: What’s the lesson for the boy?

When the young boy looks at the crushed cup, just maybe he begins to realize that he wasn't doing his mother a favor, rather she was doing him a favor by allowing his weeds to sit next to the beautiful flowers in the crystal vase.

This story is about Judaism. Everything in Judaism, without exception, is for our benefit.

It is therefore only natural that when (throughout history) we’ve lost our desire to participate with enthusiasm, our “flowers” have been thrown into the trash.

On the other hand, when we do participate with enthusiasm, our flowers matter.

Shabbat Shalom