Dying to Regret?

The purpose of this blog is a no-regrets Shabbat table....please print and share...

Happy Birthday shoutout to Donna in Tacoma!

Have you ever heard of Bronnie Ware?

Me neither, before this week.

(I was not even aware that "Bronnie" existed as a given name, perhaps because I've never been Down Under. Today, however, I am Bronnie aware.)

Bronnie's story dovetails with last week's light-hearted comparison of Queen Elizabeth and Pharaoh.

(By the way, I was surprised that no one pointed out another parallel - Queen Elizabeth and Pharaoh have the distinction of being the longest-reining monarch in their country's history.)

Today's dovetail is about people who are fortunate to live long lives but sadly approach the end of their years with regrets.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who turned her patients' dying regrets into a virulently-popular blog who then turned the blog into a best-selling book (who then turned the book into a new career).

Before we spill the beans, try asking this at the dinner table:

What would you guess are the top 5 regrets of average people on their death bed?

Here is Bronnie's list (along with her comments):

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

Final question for your table: her data set comes from people who all were confined to nursing homes at the end of their lives. Would you expect that a broader sample would yield different top regrets?

Shabbat Shalom


PS -  There are 10 ways to hear this week's highly-acclaimed 10-minute Body & Soul podcast, "A Drop of Golden Sun" :

iTunes/iPhone … YidPod … Spotify … Google Podcasts … Pocketcasts … Stitcher … Podbean … Amazon Podcasts … RSS … or just on the web.

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